Today I want to tell you about my dad. He passed away nine years ago in May. I never remember the exact day because I think subconsciously I don't want to grieve or remember on a particular day. I know it's within the first 9 days of May. I don't want to think about "that day" to much. Its hard to believe it has been nine years.
Over the years, the grief has eased, but I will always miss my dad. I will especially miss the relationship that I think we could have had now. Given the facts of where I am emotionally and spiritually and if he ever chose to stop drinking. I will always hold onto that dream in my heart.
I don't want to share to much because honestly, he is a major part of my book. What I do want to convey today are the things I miss or remember most about my dad. He was not perfect and our relationship was not always good, but in the midst of that there were good things.
Today I just want to focus on all the good times. I am sure if I was being judged by Simon Cowell from American Idol, he would say I was being indulgent and boorish. So, I understand if you skim this blog today.
Things I miss and remember about my dad: (not in any order)
1. Watching Creature Features as a child with him- feeling scared about the scary parts but feeling safe next to him
2. His smile and laugh
3. His passion for gardening. He always had a garden. He could grow ANYTHING
4. His amazing BBQ ribs
5. His country dinners (pinto beans, black eyed peas, fried okra, fried green tomatoes, southern green beans, cornbread..mmmmmm good!)
6. The way he always ate his corn bread-he dipped chunks of cornbread into his milk
7. The many times he would pull out his high school yearbooks and share story's with me about his high school days
8. Looking through the trunk that held memories and photos from many days gone by and listening to his stories about himself and other family members
9. The way he LOVED his grandkids....I especially miss this!
10. His willingness and sacrificial giving to any family member who called on him
11. His love for his southern roots and family
12. His sheer joy and happiness when I told him I was going to marry Doug
13. The day he proudly walked me down the aisle
14. How he loved Plant of the Apes (I remember crying after Doug and I went w/ friends to see to "new" Planet of the Apes at the movie theatre- thinking how I wish I could have taken my dad with us!)
15. His love of old country music, he especially loved Willie, Waylon, Kris, & Johnny
16. His excitement when Doug and I met Willie Nelson and had a autograph photo for him
17. The day my son was born....my dad drove 2 1/2 hours to meet him...when I told him I was so happy to see him, his words were...."I wasn't missing out on this one" (my book explains this part)
18. The day he and my grandfather met Lauren for the 1st time (again my book explains this)
19. His devotion and love for his parents
20. His sweet tooth and love of peanut butter, ice cream and pecan pie
21. His cooking....my dad was a GREAT cook
22. He always wore a hat- a baseball style hat
23. I remember when I got the message after church that my dad had died and I needed to come as quickly as I could....feeling in shock and not wanting to believe it. Even as we arrived I still couldn't completely accept it- then when they opened the room where his casket was- I saw him in the casket and tears filled my eyes and I cried out, "OH DAD!". I sit here crying as I remember that day... a day I wish I could erase but I know that he is in heaven. I know for a fact even in the midst of his alcoholism he accepted Christ-he believed and I know he is no longer suffering
24. I need to end this on a happy note....I need to believe my dad is looking down from Heaven surrounded by angels and the beauty we read about that is awaiting us in Heaven and I know he loves me and I know he is proud of me and I know he wishes the same things that I do with a knowing smile that someday we will see each other again.
ps the photo is one that my Aunt recently sent me...it was taken in 1972-shortly after his divorce from my mom- he and my Aunt planned a family trip to Disneyland (me, my dad, my aunt & uncle and my favorite cousin Stacey!) In this photo we are in the airport and although it looks like I have 1 arm- I really have 2 but I was apparently being silly and I love the look on my face as my dad is pointing to my head asking me where is your arm
Over the years, the grief has eased, but I will always miss my dad. I will especially miss the relationship that I think we could have had now. Given the facts of where I am emotionally and spiritually and if he ever chose to stop drinking. I will always hold onto that dream in my heart.
I don't want to share to much because honestly, he is a major part of my book. What I do want to convey today are the things I miss or remember most about my dad. He was not perfect and our relationship was not always good, but in the midst of that there were good things.
Today I just want to focus on all the good times. I am sure if I was being judged by Simon Cowell from American Idol, he would say I was being indulgent and boorish. So, I understand if you skim this blog today.
Things I miss and remember about my dad: (not in any order)
1. Watching Creature Features as a child with him- feeling scared about the scary parts but feeling safe next to him
2. His smile and laugh
3. His passion for gardening. He always had a garden. He could grow ANYTHING
4. His amazing BBQ ribs
5. His country dinners (pinto beans, black eyed peas, fried okra, fried green tomatoes, southern green beans, cornbread..mmmmmm good!)
6. The way he always ate his corn bread-he dipped chunks of cornbread into his milk
7. The many times he would pull out his high school yearbooks and share story's with me about his high school days
8. Looking through the trunk that held memories and photos from many days gone by and listening to his stories about himself and other family members
9. The way he LOVED his grandkids....I especially miss this!
10. His willingness and sacrificial giving to any family member who called on him
11. His love for his southern roots and family
12. His sheer joy and happiness when I told him I was going to marry Doug
13. The day he proudly walked me down the aisle
14. How he loved Plant of the Apes (I remember crying after Doug and I went w/ friends to see to "new" Planet of the Apes at the movie theatre- thinking how I wish I could have taken my dad with us!)
15. His love of old country music, he especially loved Willie, Waylon, Kris, & Johnny
16. His excitement when Doug and I met Willie Nelson and had a autograph photo for him
17. The day my son was born....my dad drove 2 1/2 hours to meet him...when I told him I was so happy to see him, his words were...."I wasn't missing out on this one" (my book explains this part)
18. The day he and my grandfather met Lauren for the 1st time (again my book explains this)
19. His devotion and love for his parents
20. His sweet tooth and love of peanut butter, ice cream and pecan pie
21. His cooking....my dad was a GREAT cook
22. He always wore a hat- a baseball style hat
23. I remember when I got the message after church that my dad had died and I needed to come as quickly as I could....feeling in shock and not wanting to believe it. Even as we arrived I still couldn't completely accept it- then when they opened the room where his casket was- I saw him in the casket and tears filled my eyes and I cried out, "OH DAD!". I sit here crying as I remember that day... a day I wish I could erase but I know that he is in heaven. I know for a fact even in the midst of his alcoholism he accepted Christ-he believed and I know he is no longer suffering
24. I need to end this on a happy note....I need to believe my dad is looking down from Heaven surrounded by angels and the beauty we read about that is awaiting us in Heaven and I know he loves me and I know he is proud of me and I know he wishes the same things that I do with a knowing smile that someday we will see each other again.
ps the photo is one that my Aunt recently sent me...it was taken in 1972-shortly after his divorce from my mom- he and my Aunt planned a family trip to Disneyland (me, my dad, my aunt & uncle and my favorite cousin Stacey!) In this photo we are in the airport and although it looks like I have 1 arm- I really have 2 but I was apparently being silly and I love the look on my face as my dad is pointing to my head asking me where is your arm
i remember the watermelons except now i know they were store bought sometimes
ReplyDeleteha ha yes sometimes they were....when you and I would go see see him every summer- he was determined to have a watermelon patch for you and Jacob-and if his watermelons were not ready he would go to the store and "plant" them in his garden just for you to "pick"....
ReplyDeleteIt's been years since I watched Simon Cowell from American Idol for more than even one minute or two. So forget what he thinks or would think. His thoughts are totally un-important. Your thoughts are important!!
ReplyDeleteIt's seems ironic that you share some of the same thoughts as me. My father died of cancer in Dec 1996. I also have a tremendous amount of trouble remembering the date,day, or even the year he died. It was the most traumatic experience in my life so far. Like you said time has contributed much towards my heeling but still I miss him terribly. His death did bring me closer to our heavenly father than I would have ever thought. For that I feel very Blessed by both my heavenly and earthly father.
I truly hope you share the photo on the TennysonHighAlumni.net website for all of his and your alumni friends. It's a great photo and your's is an awesome story. Thank you.
Sheryl,
ReplyDeleteHugs to you. You are not alone. I have been missing my Dad so much these past few weeks, more so than usual ~ and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him.... Thank you for sharing this today.. I know he and my Dad are together, hanging out, fishing,sharing old stories and smiling down on us ~ watching over us....
I can't wait to read your book. Take care.. Thank you again...
Sheryl,
ReplyDeleteThank you for inspiring me to look deeply into my past and see the beauty, the adventure and the moments that we will never forget. I know I will also share my sorrows, as those too can be healing for many as well.
Thanks for the field trip to Trader Joe's! Making new memories and firsts with friends adds even more meaning to today!
Love, Suzette
Wonderful Sheryl,
ReplyDeleteWhere was your dad from? He sounds like my grandad who was from Ark./Mo. :)
Thank you Sheryl for inviting me to read your blog. I am so happy to find that you are a fellow Christian and believe as I do. Both of my parents have passed on and my brother just passed over on Tuesday 4/7/09. I take much comfort knowing they are all together and I will see them again some day. Your writings are very uplifting and inspiring. I will definately purchase your book as soon as it comes out.
ReplyDeleteHey Honey, Bless your heart.I sure do miss Russell.He had the most contagious laugh.I miss it too.I don't think any one could love their Dad more than he did.I wish that we lived closer to him so he could have had a chance to grow as a Christian.We all need a Church family to help hold our foot to the fire.I know that we will see him again and Uncle Gordon too. God does answer prayers.I love you, Cheryl
ReplyDeleteHey sis,
ReplyDeleteI love what you are doing! I am so proud of you! I love you with all my heart. You are a true bleesing from the Lord and God sure knew what he was doing when he gave you, me ( since you were frist haha) he knew I would need you in my life. Tears ran down my face as I read about dad. I miss him so much. I wonder why he had to go home so soon at times but, I know the Lord had a greater plan for him. I know he is up there waiting on us. One day soon we will all be together again. I love him and miss him so much. I know he would be so very proud of all you are doing sis. So keep your head up and your eyes on the Lord and watch out because great joy and peace will be your reward. Everything in your blog is just the way I remember it sheryl. I love you sis.
Shelli
That's the way you should remember your dad. Just try to remember the good times. That's what I do with my step dad. It helps!!
ReplyDeleteI think it's amazing that most of us cannot remember the exact day or sometimes month our loved ones passed away in. My mother has been gone for nearly 15 years and I still get confused and can't remember. There is a saying "time heals all pain" but I can tell you the pain really never goes away it just subsides. Thank you for sharing your memories of your father; some of the things you describe are things my mom used to do as well. Take care of yourself and your family and God bless all of you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing a little bit of your Dad with your followers! I think the dreams in your heart about the life you and your Dad would have had are special and needed. My Dad is still with me and I keep waiting for the relationship we could have if he only...
ReplyDelete