Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Acting Like Eve

I think at one time or another we have all been guilty of doing what I am about to write about (I put myself in this category as well). Have you ever believed or passed on information  that you have not verified from the original source. With technology today this can happen often with the ease of email, facebook, and Twitter.  It is done with good intentions, but it only takes one person to see something from someone who they trust, know, or assume to be a reliable source, and then the ball continues to roll.  Case and point is, I have had an email account  for well over ten years now, and I remember back then, getting URGENT emails about how the FCC and Madalyn Murry O'Hair were fighting to take all religious TV personality's and shows off  of the air.  That same email is still floating around.  I just received an "updated" version of the story a few weeks ago.  This story is FALSE.  There are numerous forwards just like this that continue to get passed around and get people worried over nothing.  How many forwards or story's have we forwarded or re-told without really knowing if it is true or not.  We assume that it is correct because it came from someone who we deem as reliable and it sounds somewhat possible. (hmmm see any correlation to Eve and the snake here).

There is a web site called that you can go to to verify if a email story is correct or not.   Before you post something or send  a forward, take a moment to check the story out.  If it's not listed on Snopes, then dig a little deeper to see where the original email came from, and get more information, before you hit the send button, or post something to Facebook or Twitter. If its a real story then it is well worth a few extra minutes of our time to explore the truth, so that we can confidently send out accurate information. 

This also reminds of something our pastor says regularly... he strongly encourages us every Sunday to bring our Bible and to read along with him.  As christians, we need to know that we know, what God's word says. If we are only relying on someone else to feed us, we will never grow the way God meant for us to grow.  How can it be a personal relationship if I am relaying on a third party.  I love my pastor but his word is not Gospel.  He is a man and he will be the first to tell you he struggles with sin issues just like the rest of us. My husband and I love that we are under our church and our pastor's teaching and covering, but we also love that we are encouraged to dig deeper in our own walks and we are encouraged to *see* the word as it is being preached.

These are two very different examples but the point is the same...take time in your day to be your own advocate.  Don't just blindly pass along information, especially important pressing information or stories. Make sure you know, that you know, especially when it comes to passing along (and understanding) biblical information.

I believe when we allow ourselves to become lackadaisical in one area of our life, then it opens the door for more, and before you know it, we have with all good intentions, created confusion, panic, and unnecessary stress, in other peoples lives (and possibly our own as well). We have also allowed the enemy to gain another (small as it might be) victory.  With a "tool" he has been crafting since the beginning of time.

John 8:32  and you will know the truth, and truth will make you free

Monday, May 10, 2010

May 9, 2009

Mothers Day...This year was the first Mothers Day that I did not talk to my mom.  Since most of you who read my blog have read my book, A Scarlet Cord of Hope, you already know of the strained relationship that we have.

I told my mom up front when I realized my journaling was going to be more than just for "me" and I was pursuing writing a book.  I don't think she realized the magnitude of what the book was about.  I will be honest, I did not go into big details with her either.  As you already know our conversations are few and far between and I am "on guard" when we do have conversations.  She never really asked a lot of questions and I never really shared much.  I needed to have a clear mind while I was in the writing process. When I realized this was going to be a book, I knew in my heart at some point, I would send it to her and it would either open her eyes, and she would get the help she desperately needs, and we could have the relationship that I believe we both want deep in our hearts. Or it would push her away from me, and I would become non-existent to her.  I believe in my heart that my mom loves me, but her love always has "conditions".  Some of those "conditions" require that you not confront her with anything at all related to her choices or behaviour, and that you always take her side of things, and that you can not contradict her or try to ask many questions. 

The things I write about her in my book are all true, and its the first time, that any of us (myself, my sister, my step dad and to my knowledge any other family member) has ever confronted her with her behaviour and choices and how they affected someone else. I knew in my heart if she read the book she would most likely "hate" me.  It was a risk I had to take. I truly felt in my heart this was something I needed to do. I also felt it would help me move forward in my own healing process. I know that I know God is with me and has put me on this path...I believe this with all of my heart. I did not want her to buy the book nor to receive it from anyone else....I needed to give it to her myself. As I worked through all of this with much prayer, my husband, and my doctor, we decided that I would only send it to her at her request.  I would also include a letter explaining my heart and motive for the book and for our relationship. 

January 12, 2010 she asked for a copy of the book and I mailed it along with a letter that I prayed and cried over on January 14, 2010.  As of today I have not heard a word from her.  She did not acknowledge my birthday this year (in March) but she did acknowledge my daughters wedding (in April) and sent her a card.  I know she is "OK" as other family  have heard from her but according to them she has not mentioned me at all.  It's as if I no longer exist.  My heart aches for her.  In the midst of my relationship with my mom I have gone through several stages of grief: denial, guilt, anger, and now reflection.  I am reflecting on everything about "us".  I am sad but I am also clinging onto hope.

I did not feel right NOT acknowledging her on Mothers Day, but I also did not feel right sending her a "Happy Mothers Day" card either. After much prayer, I decided to type a note with a picture of flowers on it.  I stated that I loved  her and and pray for her every day and that I hope she is doing well.  I mentioned that our home and family were completely safe and no damage from the recent flood that was all around us (Nashville flood of 2010).  I also told her I had sent pictures from my daughters wedding to her local Wal Mart for her to pick up, if she wanted to see them.  I tried to find a balance of acknowledging the day but not putting anything under the rug.  I do love her and my hearts prayer is that some how, some way, by Gods divine power, that her heart will soften, she will choose sobriety, and she will seek the help that she needs to move forward in HOPE today.

At times it seems so complicated to me and other times it feels like it all makes sense, and yet other times I feel that "little girl" in me second guessing everything, and for a brief moment thinking what can I do to make this all better for her.  Most of the time though I know this how it needs to be.  I am not responsible for my mom or her choices, behaviours, or feelings.  I do not long for our "old" relationship...I want a new fresh relationship with her.  I want her to feel the hope, grace, and forgiveness that I feel.  I grieve for the lack of relationship that I have with her.  At times, especially these past few months, its like a a deep sadness in my heart but as odd as it may sound, I also have  peace.  I know God is bigger.  I know God has a plan and purpose.  I know God can heal our relationship and heal my mothers physical and emotional pains and scars, as well as her addictions. 

I feel we are at a cross roads now....even though she has completely ignored me and feels possibly that I am dead to her, I will love her with all my heart and never stop praying, never stop hoping, But, I can not and will not go back to where we were. 

So, there you have it, I wear my heart on my sleeve...thank you for taking time to read this and for caring.  I always feel vulnerable when I share this openly but I also feel better.  If you feel led please pray for my mom.  Her name is Sandy. 

Romans 15:13 Now may the god of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing,that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit