What Do Weeds and Sin Have in Common?

Tennessee is experiencing a heat wave along with several other states. Our temperatures are record breaking for the month of June. We are not currently on water ration, however, if we don't get some rain soon we will be. I have watered my lawn and plants each night and while the plants seem to be doing ok with a few brown leaves here and there, the lawn is a different story. Our lawn is actually more weeds than grass and someday I hope to remedy that, however, for the time being, I try to do what I can to keep the lawn mowed, edged, and neat looking. During this heat wave any resemblance of a blade of actual green grass seems to have disappeared, even with my (brief) nightly watering’s. I have noticed that the weeds seem to be thriving. Not uniformly, but sporadic here and there just enough to be noticed.

As I watered last night I was thinking how sin is like the weeds in my yard. It doesn’t take much for a weed to live. Weeds grow in every season here except winter, they lay dormant, however, with the first sign of spring they are ready to push out from the dirt and stand tall. People go to extremes to get rid of them, whether it's pulling them out from the root, putting weed killer on them, or covering the area with mulch. These measures are all temporary covers because they will continually reinvent themselves and try to choke the life from your plants or grass. Weeds are greedy as they steal the water you add to keep your plant or grass alive. It doesn’t take long for weed to multiply and get deeply rooted. They can also grow in small cracks and crevices.

Sin is similar. Sin wants to choke the life from you especially your spiritual life. Sin can easily become deeply rooted and multiply. Sin is present in every season of our life. Sin can be masked with temporary covers; however too effectually get rid of a sin area in our life it takes more than a "cover". Sin knows no boundary and sin never gives up. Sin can become dormant just long enough to make you feel as if you have finally mastered it, and then when you least expect it, it rears its head, as if it never left you. Sin can also manifest itself in the smallest of cracks, cracks that you may consider to be too small to worry about, however, that is all it takes.

The best way to defeat a sin area is to never let your guard down. Don't allow yourself to feel as if you have finally mastered it and then move on. We must remain vigilant in our measures to prevent sin from mastering us. It's a day by day, minute by minute challenge; however, if you remain steady with your relationship with God (which includes prayer, reading your Bible, fellowshipping with other believers, and growing spiritually) you will be one step ahead instead of behind. It's never too late to start.

There is always HOPE!

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.   1Peter 5:8-10

Ways to Love, Honor, & Serve Your Spouse

Welcome to Blog number two for our Marriage Series.  

Love, Honor, and Serve Your Spouse

Whether you have been married for ten years, thirty years, or maybe you're a newlywed, the desire to love, honor, and serve your spouse is a choice that you make daily.  When we take the focus off of these actions we allow the enemy a foot hold into our marriage.  It opens the door for anger or hurtful words to cover the love we vowed to share.  It desensitizes us to what honoring our spouse actually means. It allows us to serve our selfish desires over serving the one we promised to love,  til death do us part.

We have to be intentional about choosing to love, honor, and serve one another. If we're not purposeful to the one we vowed before God with, then rest assured the enemy's job to destroy marriages (especially christian marriages) will only be that much easier. Life has a way of getting in the way sometimes, and it becomes easy to fool ourselves that we have fallen out of love or it's better to end our commitment now while we can still be friends....oh my heart grieves for the friends I have who have bought that lie. 

I realize no one gets married to face divorce, however, we must be willing to fight for our marriage.  We must be open to loving, serving, and honoring our spouse daily.  If both spouses are truly on the same page and their hearts are bound in this commitment towards one another, there is no way your marriage will fail.  Sure you may face hard times, temptations, and selfish desires, it's all in how you choose to face those situations. Marriage is not a one way street. Marriage is a gift and to be enjoyed as the gift that it is takes commitment and work from both spouses.

One tool that I highly recommend is knowing each others love language (CLICK HERE for The Five Love Languages.  Once you understand how you each hear and feel love, you can build on that and strengthen your commitment to love, honor, and serve one another in your marriage.  

Suggestions to love, honor, and serve your spouse:

 

Love 

1. Speak your spouse's Love Language

2. Leave a "love" note (in their lunch, on the mirror, or in a drawer, etc) 

3. Text 143 to your spouse (143 = I Love You)

 Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering Proverbs 10:12

Honor

1. Be a man/woman of integrity (let your yes be yes and your no be no)

2. Compliment and thank your spouse

3. Encourage and support your spouse

 But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin Hebrews 3:13

 

Serve

1. Do something unexpected for your spouse (refilling an empty glass, helping with yard work, order take out, or anything big or small that is unexpected and helpful) 

2. Have a servant heart attitude (SMILE with your mouth and your heart) 

3.Do something that speaks your spouses love language (actions speak louder than words)

For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another Galatians 5:13

 Let's continue to say, "I do",  to our spouses and keep the HOPE of marriage alive!

Marriage Series: Healthy Boundaries

I recently wrote a speaking topic on The Season's and Value of Friendship.  A small segment included the topic of friendship with the opposite gender.  This is apparently a hot topic and I felt it would be appropriate to share my thoughts with you on the first blog in the  Marriage Series. 

(*If you are interested to hear an interview I did with 94FM The Fish- Doug and Jaci Velsaquez -on this topic CLICK HERE )

There are two areas we will look at:  

1.  If you're married and you have a friendship with the opposite gender

2.  If you're single and you have a friendship with a married opposite gender

I know some will have to agree to disagree, while some will wholeheartedly agree.  That being said, I want to convey this is only me sharing my thoughts and values on the subject. I am not here to say if you're not doing it my way, you're wrong.  It's up to you and your spouse to ultimately decide if boundaries need to be in place or not and what they may look like. 

There is nothing wrong with having a friend who is the opposite gender, however, very clear and secure boundaries need to be in place. If you're married it is my opinion that your best friend should be of the same gender.  Men and women think differently. Women are much more emotional and men are more physical. 

I believe the key to having healthy boundaries in an opposite gender relationship, if you're married, is to include your spouse.  Because of my husbands job, I have been very fortunate to gain valuable friendships with women that I may not have otherwise had the opportunity to meet.  I would encourage if your spouse has an opposite gender friend or close co-worker that you offer to have coffee or lunch with that person and get to know them. After all if your spouse seems to enjoy spending time with them, the likelihood is that you will as well.

There should be nothing discussed with your (opposite gender) friend that you don't share with your spouse. Your spouse should totally support and approve of your (opposite gender) friendship.  If he/she does not, that is a red flag and you both need to address it.

Some other red flags you need to be aware of if you're married and have a friend of the opposite gender OR if you're single and have a married opposite gender friend:

1. You meet alone with your friend

2. You meet with your friend without telling your spouse

3. You discuss intimate details of your life with your friend

4. You speak negatively about your spouse to your friend

5. Your friend meets needs that your spouse does not

6. You are physically and or emotionally attracted to your friend 

My husband and I have opposite gender friends but we also have boundaries.  We call this our Billy Graham Philosophy. We have agreed to never be alone in a car or go to an event or a restaurant with an opposite gender friend, unless, there is a third party involved. It has created some interesting dynamics personally and at the work place, however, once we explain this is our agreement it eases the awkwardness.  Bottom line for us is that we value our relationship and the trust factor that is between us. Neither one of us wants to put our self or the other in an uncomfortable situation. We do not hide any communication from opposite gender friends.  We are respectful when the other may feel uncomfortable.  We desire a strong marriage and to have a strong marriage means open communication and living above reproach in all areas.  It's about keeping our armor on. 

No one that I know  has ever gone to lunch with a opposite gender friend and had intentions of any inappropriate behavior, just like an alcoholic never takes his/her first drink, with the intention of becoming a raging alcoholic who destroys their family or career.  We become desensitized and it starts as a slow fade.

If you're single or married and have a friendship with a married opposite gender you need to make sure your boundaries are firm. It's imperative that you do not use the habit of using physical touch (i.e neck rubs, back rubs, lingering fingers on an arm).  It's also important to be aware of compliments. This doesn't mean you can't compliment someone, but, you need to check your motive and not be overly complimentary. Remember this is a married person and they need to hear those comments from their spouse. You may not mean it in the way it may end up being taken. You may also not be aware of how your actions or comments are affecting your friends spouse and possibly your own spouse as well (if your married). It's best to keep the boundaries healthy and clear so there are no misunderstandings. 

Again, it's about living above reproach. Living with honor and integrity in all areas of your life whether you're married or single.

In this day with the divorce rate as high as it is (especially within christian families) we need to be willing to fight for our marriages and protect them from the slow fades of the world!

There is always HOPE!

Marraige Series: What to Look For....

I am excited to announce I am going to write a Marriage Series Blog over the next several weeks!  

Areas I am planning to write about:

1. Boundaries with the opposite gender friendships (I will include a link with  my recent time with Doug and Jaci- Your Family Friendly Morning Show, on The Fish)

2. Way's to love, honor, and serve your spouse

3. Communication in marriage (including forgiveness)

4. God's desire for marriage

5. Spiritual growth in marriage

6. Remembering our vows and  taking them serious

I am open to any other topic ideas you may have or need.  Please send suggestions and or information you would like to share to Sheryl@SherylGriffin.com 

I look forward to sharing my heart with you and hearing from you regarding marriage!

There is always hope!

Redeeming Memories

We recently went on our first Spring Break vacation.  A huge shout out and thank you to the Henry family for inviting us to join them at their family beach house in Gulf Shores.  We had an amazing time.  It was filled with lots of rest, relaxation, reading, good food, laughter, and specifically for me; a healing and redeeming moment.

As a teen and young adult, living in California, I loved going to Santa Cruz Beach Board Walk, however, three specific memories had stolen my love of the beach and ocean.  One memory had to do with heart break and two had to do with fear (deeply ingrained fear situations).  Living in Tennessee for the past fourteen years I had not realized my lost love of the beach until we were invited to join our friends.  When we realized all of the necessary details would work out for us to join them, I suddenly felt conflicted.  I wanted to go and enjoy time with the Henry family, but there seemed to be something I couldn't move past; a negative feeling. 

Within a few days of being at the beach I found myself alone one afternoon.  I brought a book to read and as I began to read I felt myself feeling a bit restless. I was unable to focus on the book so I decided to take a walk along the ocean.  I began to think about the three memories as clearly as if they had just happened (these situations occurred about twenty five years ago...this shows you the power of the mind and the depth of the situations). I sat down on the waters edge and allowed the waves to gently roll over my legs.  I felt a deep sadness and heaviness when suddenly I felt the Lord telling me, "Albagor!" (which I learned in Israel means no fear in the Hebrew language).  As I recalled the memories, it was as if God was saying, "No more fear!  I am the One who created the beach, the ocean, and all that is in it, this is My creation!"  I knew in my heart God was redeeming the memories that still held power over me, power I didn't even realize until that day. As I sat on the oceans edge I began to cry and let go of the memories that haunted me for so long. 

One of the memories involved recalling myself in a moment of desperation writing, HELP ME JESUS, in the sand with my toe.  I knew in an instant I needed to write,  There is always HOPE!, with my toe to reclaim the fear involved in that particular memory.  When I did this I felt a sudden release and peace. 

The next day as our families were settling in for the night to watch a movie, I felt the need to go outside. I had every intention of staying on the porch and listening to the waves crash onto the shore.  Before I knew it, I was walking down the stairs and heading towards the beach.  This is very unlike me. I do not like walking in the dark, especially in a area that I am not that familiar with.  It was as if a magnet was pulling me towards the ocean.  I began to walk faster.  Once I arrived I went straight for the water.  I took off my shoes and let the waves splash my bare legs and feet. I felt the Lord say again, "No fear!"  I felt peace and contentment as I looked up in the sky at the stars and the moon and heard the waves gently crashing on the shore all around me.

After a few minutes I realized I should go back to the house,  I never said I was leaving, I only told them I was going to the porch.  As I walked back with continued peace, I saw my husband on the porch and he was worried about where I had gone. I apologized for worrying him and  told him I felt I needed to face the ocean alone...just me and God.  I needed to walk in the dark towards the water. I needed to feel the water.  I needed to trust God and have, no more fear.  My husband hugged me and asked if I wanted to walk back to the beach with him and I said, "yes".  We walked along the ocean for almost two hours. As we walked back to the house I knew in my heart that not only had the Lord redeemed my old memories but He gave me a new one in it's place.

God is a God of redeeming qualities and He has a desire to bring healing to all of our past to help move us closer to Him! There is nothing to big, to old, or to scary for God!

Faith vs. Flesh

When does faith get to the point that we trust God for the no's in our life and the things we perceive as the, why me God, attitudes?

We will never get there by allowing our flesh to over rule our faith.  We must realize God is still God; in sickness and in health, in rich or poor times, in good times and bad times, and even in the yes's and the no's.  When we submit our will to, "Lord, your will be done," and trust that if we pray for open and closed doors, and the the doors are closed door, there is a reason.  While it might be disappointing we still have to trust God's will is better than ours.

When we allow ourselves to get caught up in the sin of, I deserve this! why isn't God listening to me? kind of attitude, we need to recognize this is arrogance and pride.  We deserve nothing, especially if we are deliberating making choices that do not honor God. Until we can honestly get to the place in our heart that God is God (and we are not) and He is centered over our life, it will be a constant roller coaster ride. We must choose to be repentant and willingly take steps to walk in faith and obedience.  Surrounding our self with choices and people who represent truth, honor, and integrity. While this does not guarantee a stress free, money problem free, never sad or disappointed life, it does guarantee that God will always be with us and His will is perfect.

God's purpose, commandments, and ways are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He has not changed.  Sometimes we have seasons in our life when sin begins to creep in and before you know it, it will over take you and you find yourself in a bitter angry place, blaming God for your choices and consequences.

God desires a relationship with us.  He is not a genie in a bottle to bring about our every wish and command. We are not promised a perfect life.  If you are struggling in the area of doubt, anger or bitterness towards God, the situation you may be in has more than likely been a slow burn of choices and behaviors on your part.  Deliberate choices. 

When we choose to lay aside our pride, arrogance, and will, only then can God begin to soften our heart and open our eyes to repentance and restoration.  This takes time and commitment. You can not put a price tag on this. Repentance and restoration have eternal value. Once this is established in our heart then our faith will begin to be stronger than our flesh. 

Rememeber it's one day at a time one moment at a time. 

There is always HOPE!

"So as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God"  1Peter 4:2

Life After Abortion

During my time at the Christian Women in Media Association National conference, we had a night of movie previews and worship.  One of the movie previews grabbed my attention, a documentary titled Life After Abortion.  As a woman who has has abortion in her past,  I highly recommend watching this documentary.  (The link will give you a twelve minute preview).

I was fifteen years old when I had my first abortion.  It was not something I wanted nor really understood.  I was told my baby was simply a blob of cells and if, at the time, I wanted to continue to live with my mother and step dad, I had no choice but to abort my baby. Little did I know the consequence of abortion doesn't end when your pregnancy is terminated.  

The second abortion happened when I was eighteen years old. I was married.  I did not marry because I was pregnant, I intentionally got pregnant several months after I married, hoping a baby would soften my (then) husband and give me the family I desperately desired.  I was wrong.

Something I allude to in my book, A Scarlet Cord of Hope My Journey Through Guilt, Shame, and Fear to Hope,  is after my divorce and being a single mom of a five year old, I rebelled and entered into what I call "my wild woman days".  During this short season of my life, I found myself pregnant.  I panicked!  I was a single mom struggling financially, emotionally, and spiritually.  I was still living in fear of my ex-husband and I was also concerned that he would try to gain custody of our daughter, qualifying me as "unfit" (although he never said this to me I know now my fears were simply based on my ptsd-post tramatic stress disorder).  Guilt, shame, and fear continued to pound in my head as I struggled with the decision of what to do.  I chose to hide my shame and had my third abortion. 

It took years for me to forgive myself and to accept forgiveness from God.  I was filled with guilt and shame for many years.  It was a slow process towards understanding why I allowed choices to be made for me, why I felt I didn't have a choice for my first two pregnancy's, and why I chose abortion over life as a divorced single mom.  Forgiving others, myself, and eventually learning to  accept God's forgiveness, doesn't mean I can erase the facts, or that I agree with abortion, nor does it mean I am glad I had an abortion.  

Simply put, forgiving myself and accepting God's forgiveness means:

1. I have recognized and acknowledged that I made a choice that I realize now I would not make again

2. I have learned from my mistakes

3. I am repentant  

Here are a few scripture truths I hold onto when the enemy tries to come at me with guilt and shame:

As far as the east is from the west, so far  He removed our transgressions from us  Psalm 103: 12

I have wiped out your transgressions like a thick cloud, and your sins like a heavy mist.  Return to me, for I have redeemed you  Isaiah 44:22 

In Him we have redemption through His blood the forgiveness of our trespasses according to the riches of His grace  Ephesians 1:7 

If you struggle with guilt and shame over the choice of abortion please know that you're not alone and there is HOPE!