Do You Have Faith Like Mary? The Top Five Lessons We Can Learn From Mary's Faith

And the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold you will conceive in your womb  and bear a son and you shall name Him Jesus  ~Luke 1:30-31

In order to fully appreciate this scripture and what it meant to Mary, we need to dig a little deeper and look at the all of the surrounding circumstances of that time.  In Biblical times, Jewish authorities determined that marriages could take place when a boy was thirteen years old and a girl as young as twelve. Often parents arranged marriages and typically a boys parents would select  their sons bride, not just based on if they thought they would be compatible, but also how well they thought of her family.  This would hopefully ensure a successful marriage and family relationship.

Once the parents agreed on a marriage the young man and young girl would become betrothed.  A betrothal was stronger than what we now refer to as an engagement.  To break a betrothal you had to actually go through a divorce. A betrothal contract was as binding as a marriage.  To be granted a divorce (or to break your betrothal contract) the husband was the only one who could be granted that privilege.  If the husband (or the betrothed young man) died that was the only way a wife (or betrothed young girl) could be relieved of her legal marriage commitment.

Another fact was that the young girl had to be a virgin on the actual wedding night. A betrothal contract did not give permission for premarital sex. While there is nothing new under the sun and things that are going on today were certainly going on in Biblical times, there was more priority placed on waiting until marriage and the value of what the covenant of marriage meant between two people.

We know that Mary and Joseph's family must have agreed upon their betrothal and marriage.  And even though the Bible doesn't tell us the exact age of Mary and Joseph, we can assume that they were in the age range of twelve to thirteen, as was the custom in their day. 

We also know that Mary (according to Luke 1:38) was considered a bondslave of the Lord.  The Greek word for bondslave (doulous) speaks of one who serves with disregard of her own interests. We also know Mary was raised in a home that served God and her parents must have taught her scripture, because in Luke 1:46-56, Mary is quoting  fifteen discernible quotations from the Old Testament.  This could only be possible if she was familiar with Gods word. 

As we put these pieces together you begin to see the incredible faith Mary had to have when the angel told her she would become pregnant and have a son. The only question she asks is, "How can this be, since I am a virgin?"  She never once argued with the angel, asking what will my family think of me?  What will Joseph or his family think?  According to that time frame and culture women who were pregnant before the marriage ceremony were shunned and considered an outcast by the town and even family members. The groom and the bride were looked down upon.  Mary also knew that Joesph would know it was impossible for him to be the father since they had not had sex. The consequence for a betrothed woman getting caught with another man or becoming pregnant by another man, the betrothed husband could have her stoned to death or give her a divorce.

Mary never seems to consider another option; she could have simply told everyone she was raped. The custom in those days was if a woman was raped and became pregnant the towns people, as well as family, would then come around and support her without question.  

Mary's faith was so strong and bold that when the angel answered her only question, saying that the Holy Spirit would come upon her and the power of the Most High would overshadow her, and for that reason the holy offspring shall be called,  "the Son of God" and then  the angel  reminds Mary, that nothing is impossible with God,  Mary responds with an absolute acceptance saying, "If it's Gods will, may it be". 

Mary never wavers in her faith not even when Joseph, not wanting to have her stoned, considered discreetly divorcing her, that is until an angel appeared to him in a dream. The angel told him not to be afraid and to take Mary as his wife, and that the child within her was conceived through the Holy Spirit. After this, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him to do and he kept her as a virgin until she gave birth to Jesus.

Mary and Joseph's faith remained strong and they never wavered, questioned, or doubted God's purpose and plan for their life. I pray that I can attain the same faith as Mary, even within my day to day life and especially when I am faced with challenges or difficulties.

The top five lessons we can take away from Mary's  faith

1. Live a life worthy of Christ (like a bondslave of God)
2. If you were not (or are not) in a home that has given you a foundation of faith it's never too late to start today
3. Make reading the Bible a priority in your life
4. Believe with all your heart that God's word is truth
5. Be willing to stand up and be bold for your faith even when everything around you seems to be in question

One day at a time, One moment at a time, There is always HOPE!

Ways to Love, Honor, & Serve Your Spouse

Welcome to Blog number two for our Marriage Series.  

Love, Honor, and Serve Your Spouse

Whether you have been married for ten years, thirty years, or maybe you're a newlywed, the desire to love, honor, and serve your spouse is a choice that you make daily.  When we take the focus off of these actions we allow the enemy a foot hold into our marriage.  It opens the door for anger or hurtful words to cover the love we vowed to share.  It desensitizes us to what honoring our spouse actually means. It allows us to serve our selfish desires over serving the one we promised to love,  til death do us part.

We have to be intentional about choosing to love, honor, and serve one another. If we're not purposeful to the one we vowed before God with, then rest assured the enemy's job to destroy marriages (especially christian marriages) will only be that much easier. Life has a way of getting in the way sometimes, and it becomes easy to fool ourselves that we have fallen out of love or it's better to end our commitment now while we can still be friends....oh my heart grieves for the friends I have who have bought that lie. 

I realize no one gets married to face divorce, however, we must be willing to fight for our marriage.  We must be open to loving, serving, and honoring our spouse daily.  If both spouses are truly on the same page and their hearts are bound in this commitment towards one another, there is no way your marriage will fail.  Sure you may face hard times, temptations, and selfish desires, it's all in how you choose to face those situations. Marriage is not a one way street. Marriage is a gift and to be enjoyed as the gift that it is takes commitment and work from both spouses.

One tool that I highly recommend is knowing each others love language (CLICK HERE for The Five Love Languages.  Once you understand how you each hear and feel love, you can build on that and strengthen your commitment to love, honor, and serve one another in your marriage.  

Suggestions to love, honor, and serve your spouse:

 

Love 

1. Speak your spouse's Love Language

2. Leave a "love" note (in their lunch, on the mirror, or in a drawer, etc) 

3. Text 143 to your spouse (143 = I Love You)

 Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering Proverbs 10:12

Honor

1. Be a man/woman of integrity (let your yes be yes and your no be no)

2. Compliment and thank your spouse

3. Encourage and support your spouse

 But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin Hebrews 3:13

 

Serve

1. Do something unexpected for your spouse (refilling an empty glass, helping with yard work, order take out, or anything big or small that is unexpected and helpful) 

2. Have a servant heart attitude (SMILE with your mouth and your heart) 

3.Do something that speaks your spouses love language (actions speak louder than words)

For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another Galatians 5:13

 Let's continue to say, "I do",  to our spouses and keep the HOPE of marriage alive!

Marriage Series: Healthy Boundaries

I recently wrote a speaking topic on The Season's and Value of Friendship.  A small segment included the topic of friendship with the opposite gender.  This is apparently a hot topic and I felt it would be appropriate to share my thoughts with you on the first blog in the  Marriage Series. 

(*If you are interested to hear an interview I did with 94FM The Fish- Doug and Jaci Velsaquez -on this topic CLICK HERE )

There are two areas we will look at:  

1.  If you're married and you have a friendship with the opposite gender

2.  If you're single and you have a friendship with a married opposite gender

I know some will have to agree to disagree, while some will wholeheartedly agree.  That being said, I want to convey this is only me sharing my thoughts and values on the subject. I am not here to say if you're not doing it my way, you're wrong.  It's up to you and your spouse to ultimately decide if boundaries need to be in place or not and what they may look like. 

There is nothing wrong with having a friend who is the opposite gender, however, very clear and secure boundaries need to be in place. If you're married it is my opinion that your best friend should be of the same gender.  Men and women think differently. Women are much more emotional and men are more physical. 

I believe the key to having healthy boundaries in an opposite gender relationship, if you're married, is to include your spouse.  Because of my husbands job, I have been very fortunate to gain valuable friendships with women that I may not have otherwise had the opportunity to meet.  I would encourage if your spouse has an opposite gender friend or close co-worker that you offer to have coffee or lunch with that person and get to know them. After all if your spouse seems to enjoy spending time with them, the likelihood is that you will as well.

There should be nothing discussed with your (opposite gender) friend that you don't share with your spouse. Your spouse should totally support and approve of your (opposite gender) friendship.  If he/she does not, that is a red flag and you both need to address it.

Some other red flags you need to be aware of if you're married and have a friend of the opposite gender OR if you're single and have a married opposite gender friend:

1. You meet alone with your friend

2. You meet with your friend without telling your spouse

3. You discuss intimate details of your life with your friend

4. You speak negatively about your spouse to your friend

5. Your friend meets needs that your spouse does not

6. You are physically and or emotionally attracted to your friend 

My husband and I have opposite gender friends but we also have boundaries.  We call this our Billy Graham Philosophy. We have agreed to never be alone in a car or go to an event or a restaurant with an opposite gender friend, unless, there is a third party involved. It has created some interesting dynamics personally and at the work place, however, once we explain this is our agreement it eases the awkwardness.  Bottom line for us is that we value our relationship and the trust factor that is between us. Neither one of us wants to put our self or the other in an uncomfortable situation. We do not hide any communication from opposite gender friends.  We are respectful when the other may feel uncomfortable.  We desire a strong marriage and to have a strong marriage means open communication and living above reproach in all areas.  It's about keeping our armor on. 

No one that I know  has ever gone to lunch with a opposite gender friend and had intentions of any inappropriate behavior, just like an alcoholic never takes his/her first drink, with the intention of becoming a raging alcoholic who destroys their family or career.  We become desensitized and it starts as a slow fade.

If you're single or married and have a friendship with a married opposite gender you need to make sure your boundaries are firm. It's imperative that you do not use the habit of using physical touch (i.e neck rubs, back rubs, lingering fingers on an arm).  It's also important to be aware of compliments. This doesn't mean you can't compliment someone, but, you need to check your motive and not be overly complimentary. Remember this is a married person and they need to hear those comments from their spouse. You may not mean it in the way it may end up being taken. You may also not be aware of how your actions or comments are affecting your friends spouse and possibly your own spouse as well (if your married). It's best to keep the boundaries healthy and clear so there are no misunderstandings. 

Again, it's about living above reproach. Living with honor and integrity in all areas of your life whether you're married or single.

In this day with the divorce rate as high as it is (especially within christian families) we need to be willing to fight for our marriages and protect them from the slow fades of the world!

There is always HOPE!

Marraige Series: What to Look For....

I am excited to announce I am going to write a Marriage Series Blog over the next several weeks!  

Areas I am planning to write about:

1. Boundaries with the opposite gender friendships (I will include a link with  my recent time with Doug and Jaci- Your Family Friendly Morning Show, on The Fish)

2. Way's to love, honor, and serve your spouse

3. Communication in marriage (including forgiveness)

4. God's desire for marriage

5. Spiritual growth in marriage

6. Remembering our vows and  taking them serious

I am open to any other topic ideas you may have or need.  Please send suggestions and or information you would like to share to Sheryl@SherylGriffin.com 

I look forward to sharing my heart with you and hearing from you regarding marriage!

There is always hope!

31 Days of Hope Day 25

If you have a blog, you know you can check your statistics to see what part of the world your readers are coming from, you can see what time of day most of your readers are reading your blog, and you can see which blog generated the most interest. 

I was looking through my statistics and noticed my most popular blog was on December 9, 2009, which happens to be the blog I share about my book!  The blog is titled A Scarlet Cord of Hope Book Order.  The second most popular blog is one I wrote April 13, 2009 titled Hopes and Dreams For My Baby.  I am going to add more comments to bring it up to date.  I will ** the updated comments and type them in italics.

** When I originally wrote this in 2009, my daughter was almost twenty one years old and now she is almost twenty three years old.  She was also dating my son in law at the time.  They celebrated their first year anniversary this April 2011. 

As my children continue to age and mature I find myself thinking about topics that I dreamed about in years past, however, I never focused much on them, because they were my hopes and dreams for when my babies got older. The time has come, and I feel myself filling my mind and heart with particular hopes and dreams, especially for my daughter. My daughter is my oldest child. When I think about her, I confess, like most mothers, I am filled with motherly pride and love for her. I have loved her since the very moment I thought I was pregnant with her (and that is true for my son as well). 

I have loved her through good times, sad times, and even bad times. I have loved her even in the midst of her what I call her, prodigal daughter journey. I won't pretend that was an easy time to love her, it wasn't, but I held tight to my love for her, and more than that, the Fathers love for her. At certain times in that season, even though I loved her, I wanted to seriously hurt her. Not in an abusive way, more so in a way that said, "GIRL WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? HOW COULD YOU DO THESE THINGS TO YOURSELF? WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!"  By God's mercy and grace she finally softened her heart and allowed truth and love to over rule the lies she believed.  God is good and He continued to call her back until she answered. Well, more like until she got caught, however, she will tell you herself, she was glad she got caught, she was tired of running and tired of all the empty promises of the world.  (**My daughter shared her testimony at her church this past year, myself and my friend Cynthia, went to hear her share...needless to say I was proud of her and was reminded once again about how far she has come, how grateful I am for her and for the beautiful Godly woman she has become!)

I don't say this lightly....Praise God we are out of that season!  Being on this side of the situation for a while now, I would go through it all over again, knowing the outcome that I know now. Although at the time, in the midst of that season, I doubt I would agree with that statement. Time heals all wounds and actions speak louder than words. My daughter has proven over and over her repentant heart, her desire to put God first, her love for family and herself. She is not perfect by any means, but the growth and maturity in her shows fruit. I see it, hear, and feel it in her. It is real. (**I still see it, hear it, and feel it in her!)

She has been steadfast in her walk with the Lord and has finally begun to figure out who she is and what she wants in life. She also has a serious boyfriend. They have taken things slow and steady. They have made a point to get to know each other first and more importantly, they have kept God in the forefront. (**that serious boyfriend is now her husband!  We are very grateful for our son in law.)

This is the topic of reflection for me, because of their age, their desires, and the seriousness of the relationship, I find myself asking; what do I hope and dream for her for the future?  I have often  wondered to myself, what did my mom and dad want for me?  What were the hopes and dreams for them from their parents?  What about my mother in law? I  know she loves me, but what were her hopes and dreams for her son?  What kind of woman did she dream of for a daughter in law?

Most of these things I did not even consider in my first marriage (to my daughters father), however, I am very happy to say I was blessed to find these things in my husband Doug. Doug and I will celebrate thirteen years in May.  (**we celebrated fifteen years May 2011 and I am more in love with my husband each day!)

My Hopes and Dreams For My Baby 

1. I hope she always keeps God first and a priority in her own life and someday in her marriage (**she has)

2. I hope she never ignores a "red flag," as they usually never change color

3. I hope she knows, that she knows, whom she has chosen to marry  (**she has!)

4. I hope she marries her true love  (**she did!)

5. I hope they will both have open communication lines-even when it would be easier to cut the line  (**they do!)

6. I hope her husband will be a man of integrity and honor  (**praise God, he is!)

7. I hope she will be her husband's true love  (**she is!)

8. I hope she always remembers that as she leaves to cleave, we are still here and will always be  (**she knows!)

9. I hope her husband shares many laughs with her and holds her tightly through the hard times  (**he has laughed with her many times and I am sure even at her-in love of course!)

10. I hope she is never afraid of her husband (**she isn't)

11. I hope her husband never feels the need to intimidate or control her  (**he doesn't)

12. I hope she trusts the man she marries with her whole heart in all areas of life  (**she does)

13. I hope he is truly a man after God's heart  (**he is-and we are ever so grateful!)

14. I hope he is man of self control  (** he was before they married and he continues to be)

15. I hope he is a man who can embrace and accept us as her family  (**he does...in fact that was one of the things he told my husband and me when he took us to dinner to ask permission to marry her,  he said, one of the things that attracted him to her was the fact that she was family oriented and close with us and that family was important to him)

16. I hope he is man who accepts responsibility  (**he does)

17. I hope he is man who is willing to work hard for his family, but knows the balance of keeping family his priority  (**he does)

18. I hope he is wonderful husband and an amazing father  (** he is a wonderful husband for my daughter and I know someday he will be amazing father. I look forward to writing the blog that will someday say...I am going to be a grandma!)

19. I hope he leads the family by prayer and example  (**he does)

20. I hope that she and her future husband love and serve each other well through out their life time together  (**they are and I pray they will continue to do so)