Friday, June 3, 2011

Unplanned Choices

I recently read a book titled, Jessica Lost: A Story of Birth, Adoption & The Meaning of Motherhood . I am always intrigued with memoir's, biography's and autobiography's. I was drawn to the raw emotions the authors, Bunny Crumpacker and J.S. Picariello share about their life and experience within the world of adoption, both from the view point of the mother and the child.

I have friends who have been adopted and know many who have chosen adoption.  I believe every situation is unique and no adoption process is exactly the same.  Similar to giving birth; no two women will have the exact same experience. The main difference in adoption is the intention. You can not have an "oops" baby when you adopt.   

If you have read my book A Scarlet Cord of Hope you know part of my story involves abortion. While abortion wasn't my choice, it was the decision that was made, and I will always have regret, however, I know that I am forgiven and I have finally found a place within my heart to forgive myself as well. 

There was a part in the book when Bunny (the mother) seems to be comparing adoption and abortion and she comments that those who choose abortion do not have the lingering pain and emotions that women who place children up for adoption do.  I realize she is writing from her own personal experience, so she could not possibly understand the guilt, shame, and lingering pain that also stays with the choice of abortion. 

It is only by the grace of God that I am able to share my story and offer the hope that I have found after my abortion.  Any unplanned pregnancy that may result in adoption, abortion, or keeping the baby, has the same ability to create long term effects that linger and may take years to overcome.

Sometimes the decision to keep the baby results in financial struggles, custody battles, and letting go of your dreams. Abortion is a decision that never leaves you free either.  You may not have the due date etched in your mind, you may not know the sex of the baby, however you have enough knowledge to know there is life growing inside you and you never forget that day. While abortion may appear like a "quick fix" and then you move on; let me tell you, it's not that easy. While I can agree with Bunny's emotions that adoption does leave you with potential guilt, shame, and pain, you at least know that your baby is wanted and will be welcomed into a loving home.

It was interesting to read the view point from the birth mother and the child she gave up, and their journey that led them to connect forty two years later.They were able to build a strong healthy relationship as time allowed for healing and closure to their respective emotions and questions. 

If you or someone you know is dealing with an unplanned pregnancy and you would like information or someone to talk to please email me at

There is always HOPE!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.