Life After Abortion

During my time at the Christian Women in Media Association National conference, we had a night of movie previews and worship.  One of the movie previews grabbed my attention, a documentary titled Life After Abortion.  As a woman who has has abortion in her past,  I highly recommend watching this documentary.  (The link will give you a twelve minute preview).

I was fifteen years old when I had my first abortion.  It was not something I wanted nor really understood.  I was told my baby was simply a blob of cells and if, at the time, I wanted to continue to live with my mother and step dad, I had no choice but to abort my baby. Little did I know the consequence of abortion doesn't end when your pregnancy is terminated.  

The second abortion happened when I was eighteen years old. I was married.  I did not marry because I was pregnant, I intentionally got pregnant several months after I married, hoping a baby would soften my (then) husband and give me the family I desperately desired.  I was wrong.

Something I allude to in my book, A Scarlet Cord of Hope My Journey Through Guilt, Shame, and Fear to Hope,  is after my divorce and being a single mom of a five year old, I rebelled and entered into what I call "my wild woman days".  During this short season of my life, I found myself pregnant.  I panicked!  I was a single mom struggling financially, emotionally, and spiritually.  I was still living in fear of my ex-husband and I was also concerned that he would try to gain custody of our daughter, qualifying me as "unfit" (although he never said this to me I know now my fears were simply based on my ptsd-post tramatic stress disorder).  Guilt, shame, and fear continued to pound in my head as I struggled with the decision of what to do.  I chose to hide my shame and had my third abortion. 

It took years for me to forgive myself and to accept forgiveness from God.  I was filled with guilt and shame for many years.  It was a slow process towards understanding why I allowed choices to be made for me, why I felt I didn't have a choice for my first two pregnancy's, and why I chose abortion over life as a divorced single mom.  Forgiving others, myself, and eventually learning to  accept God's forgiveness, doesn't mean I can erase the facts, or that I agree with abortion, nor does it mean I am glad I had an abortion.  

Simply put, forgiving myself and accepting God's forgiveness means:

1. I have recognized and acknowledged that I made a choice that I realize now I would not make again

2. I have learned from my mistakes

3. I am repentant  

Here are a few scripture truths I hold onto when the enemy tries to come at me with guilt and shame:

As far as the east is from the west, so far  He removed our transgressions from us  Psalm 103: 12

I have wiped out your transgressions like a thick cloud, and your sins like a heavy mist.  Return to me, for I have redeemed you  Isaiah 44:22 

In Him we have redemption through His blood the forgiveness of our trespasses according to the riches of His grace  Ephesians 1:7 

If you struggle with guilt and shame over the choice of abortion please know that you're not alone and there is HOPE!  

New Windows

I never thought I would be excited over new windows, however, today our home received NEW WINDOWS and they are beautiful.  Our home is older, built in the 80's, and the windows were original (that is something else I never thought I would consider-older is the 80's).  A few windows were stuck shut and unable to open and all the windows had major drafts in the winter.  I had a bag of rags I kept in the garage and every winter I would place them on the top and bottom of each window in an attempt to keep the heat in.  I am sure with the Tennessee humidity and heat we have in the summer, we lost a lot of cool air in the summer through those little drafts as well. 

Even though I diligently placed the rags on the window sills, I know the rags did not completely cover the cold draft or keep our cool air in during the summer.  I look forward to seeing our next heat and air bill (something else I never thought I would say) The rags acted like a band aide to something that really required surgery. The rags worked for a season and I am grateful that season is over. I know we will see a significant difference in our bill and we have added value to our home.

How often in our spiritual lives do we place rags where a serious repair or investment needs to be done.  The rag can cover something and even help a little, however the root or underlining need is still there.  For example a quick prayer is better than no prayer, but a quality prayer time is best.  Or what about reading our Bibles, maybe we read a devotion or a christian book, which is good and needed however, digging deep into God's word should be a priority.  How about fellowship, are you intentional and willing to take your mask off or do you have walls built around you in fear of rejection?

There are seasons in our life when all we can do is place a cover up on a much needed repair and the Lord knows our heart and motive.  However, when the Lord opens the door for the repair or investment I encourage you to make sure and take full advantage of  it and enjoy the benefits of digging deeper in a new season!

"And do not be conformed to this world, but transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, which is good and acceptable and perfect"  Romans 12:2

Ps I would like to thank  Randolph Moore from Centurion Stone & Exteriors for our beautiful new windows!  click here for information