Monday, March 28, 2011

Happily Ever After?

How realistic is it that we would purposely pursue a relationship, feeling so strongly that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and actually do it; in sickness and health, in bad times and good times, in sad times and happy times?

As a woman who has walked through divorce and is now living "happily ever after", I am not approaching this subject lightly nor am I am coming at it with a judgmental finger pointing either. I recognize not everyone who is divorced, necessarily wanted a divorce, but their spouse did and thus the door was opened. There are also those who were not born again believers when they married, and they married for all the wrong reasons, and those reasons ended up being the end of their marriage. 

Today as christians (two believers who profess their faith in Jesus Christ and make a vow/promise to one another in marriage) we have allowed ourselves to become like the rest of the world. Sadly, many Christians have allowed what is felt as irreconcilable difference to dictate what the flesh wants. Believing the lie that the grass is greener on the other side.  No longer taking responsibility for choices and behaviors, refusing to seek proper help to overcome addictions or issues that have put a wedge between the one-ness that God created marriage for. Things or habits that were once tolerable are no longer tolerated.  It has become easier to not communicate needs or desires on the level required for true deep intimacy with your spouse. Some are so unhappy with themselves that they blame their spouse, when in fact its not about the spouse at all.  Somewhere along the line your marriage became a one sided relationship. You have allowed the past to dictate your future. Differences that once were areas where communication could create compromise, has now become solid walls. The heart felt desire to love, serve, and please your spouse is no longer a desire in your heart and mind. That part of the wedding vow no longer seems to apply, even though you meant it with all your heart at the time you said, "I do". 

Once you open the door to separation or divorce you begin to start all over again. Why? Because that is how you were created.  God created us for relationships. We crave the intimacy that marriage was created for. You will only find yourself in a similar pattern. The newness wears off and the same routines will begin to appear.  It wont happen overnight, but it will happen. With this in mind, wouldn't it be easier to face the problems in your marriage and open your heart to repairing the brokenness that is between you.  Reaching down to pull the root of an issue out is hard work and it can be intimidating, but the end result is wholeness and healing. Not just for your marriage but for yourself, as well. Getting to the root issue with your spouse in any area that has become a stumbling block towards intimacy between you, is going to take time, effort, and trust. You both must be on the same page, at the same time, with the same heart motive, to pull the root  completely out and repair the damage done by it.  Marriage is a relationship where two become one, but it's still a two sided relationship.

Marriage takes heart work from both spouses. You have to both be willing to be in it to win it.  Anyone who has been married longer than one year can tell you all of the things I said above, at some time or another, will begin to apply to your marriage, and my friends, this is where you need to begin to work hard.  This is the time when you need to keep your armor on.  Fight for your marriage.  Seek solid biblical counsel if you are struggling in an area within your marriage or individually.  Be willing to take your vows as seriously and as honestly as you did when you first said them out loud.

As believers, marriage shouldn't be the goal...staying married should be. 


  1. Thank you Carla! I appreciate your encouragement. It's a topic that has been on my heart for a while.

  2. Well said! We are nearing 33 years of marriage, so I know that what you say is truth.

  3. Beautiful picture of marriage. Thanks for sharing Sheryl!


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.