Friday, September 10, 2010


Confrontation is never easy. Confrontation is not something most people like to do. Confrontation is uncomfortable.

While all of the above is true, confrontation is sometimes necessary. My son and I had to face this subject recently. As a mother, it is hard to sit back and give advice to your child when you really want to jump in and handle it yourself, and put the other child "in his place". That would not be productive (at least not at this point, but there may be times when parental intervention is neccessary).

Both of our confrontations had to do with confronting a person about lies. Lies are a difficult issue to confront because, unless the person is willing to admit the truth there is no way to reconcile or move forward in a positive way. I am not talking about things you suspect as lies, I am talking about things you know for a fact are lies.

In my past  I never confronted anyone on anything.  I am in a season of life right now where I feel very strongly, I will not put things under the rug just to make someone feel "comfortable" in their lies, their motives, or their behaviors.

It is important to me to raise my children with the understanding that confronting someone is not a bad thing. It may be uncomfortable and it has the potential to change the relationship, but it is not "bad'. It is also important to learn to take confrontation when it is coming towards you. If you are being confronted with something that you did or said then take responsibility for it. Do not justify it by what others have said or done. You are responsible for you.

Here are somethings I shared with my son when we talked about the situation he was in:

1. Confronting someone is never easy but, in order to move forward (with or without the person) you need to do it.

2. Do not take responsibility for the other persons choice/behavior

3. If you choose not to confront the person that doe not mean the problem goes away

4. It is not your responsibility to change the person

5. It is not your responsibility to make them see the error of their way

6. State the facts not the emotions

7. If they choose not to acknowledge or take responsibility then you have a choice to make; do you want to continue this friendship or do boundaries need to go up

8. Confronting someone with their behavior or choices does not guarantee "the light will turn on" and they will suddenly change or apologize

9. As I say in my flags usually don't change color...don't ignore them

10. Take responsibility for your words and actions

The challenge from this is to remember that Jesus in all of his mercy, grace, and kindness, did not allow situations/people/issues to go on as if it was not happening.  He confronted in truth. He confronted at times with passion and other times with a sense of peace, but the bottom line is- He called it like it was and he moved forward.  So, next time you are faced with a confrontation (whether it is big or small) remember it's ok to speak the truth (in love) and be prepared for #1-10

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