I watched a movie last night that may cause some of you to roll your eyes and laugh out loud, or possibly judge me, or some of you, I know will "high five" me. The movie was Twilight. I have many christian friends who have read all the books and seen the movies. I also have christian friends who consider this book/movie something to stay away from. There are certain movies that I would never consider watching. I am not talking R or even X rated- I am talking about some PG 13 movies! I won't go into the titles, because my point is not to argue over what is appropriate to watch and what is not, because really that is a choice we all get to make for ourselves. We all have the ability to draw our own line. It's the conviction we feel in our heart and mind. And since we are not robots, I have a strong feeling, even if we agree on the majority of things, some where one of us will have their line drawn a little further to the left or the right than the other at different times for different reasons.
I will be honest, I felt the movie Twilight was "cheesy" in many ways but there was a point in the movie where Edward is trying to explain to Bella why he has to stay away from her, but he feels powerless to do so... and there is a depth to his eyes, at that very moment that you can almost feel the conflict within him. The director did a great job capturing up close facial shots and the actors portrayed more than the script words could even say with certain looks, body language and facial expressions. At one point in the movie Edward miraculous saves Bella's life from an on coming van that would have crushed her to death.
I am by no means promoting the book or movie but in my opinion Stephanie Meyers was able to create something so powerful, so compelling, that young girls and women of all ages, are talking about it all over the world. Why is that? I think its because she hit a nerve within our emotions, desires, and yes, our insecurities.
I am reading a book called, So, Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. I have dealt with insecurity issues for my entire life. Last night while watching Twilight, there were certain times and things I noticed that gave me "aha" moments, to things I have been reading. Specifically with Bella's own insecurities. She seeks the "forbidden" fruit of sorts, when she sees Edward and hears the gossip about him and his family. Her own insecurities could possibly stem from her parents divorce, and her sacrifice of choosing to live with her father, so her mother can travel and be with her new husband. There did not seem to be any tension or problems, but you could see that Bella and her dad didn't know each other very well and while I suspect he was a good man in general, he seemed to be a man who certainly did not wear his heart on his sleeve, he wasn't touchy feely, he was a man of a few words, a very simple man who loved his job as the town Sheriff.
As Beth Moore says, when you are hurting or insecure you almost always tend to look for or become attracted to that same type of person (and I believe later on in the book-which I am not there yet- but she has alluded to this...she talks about the people who look for those of us who struggle with insecurity issues). Bella saw herself as an outcast although she really wasn't. I believe this fact made her more drawn to the Cullen family, they were all outcasts. When we struggle with how we perceive ourselves and with our insecurities, we will continue to go in the same vicious circle we have travelled in for our whole life, until we decide to stop and work on the areas in our life and heart that keep us from moving forward and out of the circle.
All of the things that made me "like" this movie were emotional factors. No surprise here, women are emotional. The fact that Edward wanted Bella so badly that he had to force himself to have self control or stay away from her. Edward portrayed his feelings with such depth and the fact that Bella was desperate for his attention, added to the emotion. The things he said to her, the way he wanted to protect her and keep her safe no matter the cost to himself, the way he always desired to be with her, the way he wanted her to be a part of his life and family, the way he deeply cared for her. The way he trusted her. The way she trusted him.
Now if you go with me to another aspect of all of this....these things speak to women...what woman doesn't want to be wanted deeply, what woman doesn't want unconditional love from a man, what woman doesn't want to feel so incredibly special, what woman doesn't want to matter in a significant way in another life, what woman doesn't want to feel safe and secure. What woman doesn't want a man with proven self control, what woman doesn't want to feel so loved and cared for that her "man" wants to bring her into his family and community.
Who could ever possibly fill all these needs in a real life woman? As Beth says in her book...that is a lot to ask of any man, and she says there are just as many men out there looking for a woman to fill all their needs as well! We are looking for someone to fill every need in our heart, when the fact of the matter is, it belongs to only one...Jesus! Jesus is the only one who can fill each and every need we have. He also desires us completely. He will also guard and protect you. He thinks you are beautiful (after all He created you). He is constantly telling us of the importance of fellowship and community, in other words, He desires to bring us into his family and the community. He constantly tell us in the word that He wrote and inspired, to call upon Him and abide in Him. And He died for YOU! What more could we want?
But like Edward and Bella's relationship-they made time for each other, they learned how to spend time together, they desired to be near each other,...this is same thing we need to do in order to have that kind of relationship with Christ. We need to be intentional and get into the word and study it so we understand it. We need to surround ourselves with other believers who will encourage and inspire us. We can feel a sense of belonging and community, but its a choice. If you are expecting someone else to fill all of your needs you are looking in the wrong direction man (people) will always let you down, they will always be flawed, no one is capable of ever being ALL to someone else. This is real life. Dig deeper into who you are. If you know you have a hole in a particular area of your life....dig deep and see what you can do to fix it, and of course the more we learn to trust and lean on our Saviour the easier it will be.
Led me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation