Just Because You Can... Doesn't Mean You Should

 *Before I begin this blog I want to thank my son Garic for dressing up and posing as a virus maker. You rock Garic!

"With great power comes great responsibility" a quote from Uncle Ben, Peter Parker's (aka Spiderman's) uncle from the Spiderman movie

Everything is permissible--but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. 1 Corinthians 10:23-24

If I were to take a poll and ask if your computer has ever had a virus or if your computer has ever been hacked into, my guess is that majority of you would say...yes.

I have a love hate relationship with computers and technology. I am sure some of my feelings are connected to my PTSD and panic/anxiety.  I realize most people do not like giving control or power to other people, especially people you don't know, but for me it goes a little deeper. Another factor is that I don't always understand what to do when something goes wrong. I am very grateful that my husband is pretty knowledgeable with computers and can usually fix whatever the issue is with a simple click or two. And if he can't fix it he has a few friends who are even more knowledgeable.

To give you a little insight into what this blog is really about I need to explain something...the other day my husband googled information for our George Foreman Grill. We have been having some problems with it and could not locate the booklet that originally came with it.  Within minutes of clicking on a link (for a George Foreman Grill site via Google)  the Internet shut down and shortly thereafter we realized we had a serious virus. Long story short it took hours and hours to fix it, but by God's grace it is fixed now. Someone (a virus maker who may or may not resemble the photo above) finds humor or maybe strength or maybe power or maybe financial gain or maybe just because they can -so they will, created a virus that has the potential, if left alone long enough, to destroy your entire computer.  This is not someone trying to gain your information to steal your identity or steal your contacts, not that I would like that any better, but at least I can see a "point"- they want something that I have.  The people who create virus's do not gain anything per say from me.  They wont even know I was affected. I realize we live in a fallen world and that as long as we have technology we will always have those who will abuse, steal, and destroy other peoples "stuff" whether it is your identity, your information, or those who will take some form of pleasure in ruining your computer.  My husband pointed out that the computer world is just as (if not more) corrupt than the real world.  

I added the quote and the Bible verse above to remind us that even though no one reading this blog has ever hacked into a computer or created a virus (at least I hope not, and if you have, there is always an opportunity for grace, mercy, and forgiveness) we can apply the quote and the verse to our everyday life. We all have great power....power to be show kindness, the power to encourage, the power to build up (and not tear down) with our words, the power to make the right choice, the power to be good to each other, the power to be good to ourselves, the power to face the things we need to face, the power to tell the truth, the power to do the right thing (even when no one is looking), and the power to use your knowledge and talents to help others.

We all have the same choices...there is power in choice...now the challenge is how will you choose to use the power that you have.

Are you Hydrated?

Hydration....do you drink enough water through out your day to properly hydrate your body?  I do drink water through out my day, but I also know I probably still do not drink as much as my body needs.  

The other day as my son and I were entering our neighborhood we noticed that an ambulance, fire truck, and two police car's were leaving.  We commented about it and then I didn't think about it again.  That is, until later that evening, when I was walking in the neighborhood with a friend.  My friend asked me if I had heard about the drowning today.  I was shocked and quickly began to realize that is why the ambulance, police, and fire department were here earlier!  She told me that a young woman in her mid twenty's had been at our neighborhood  swimming pool and that she had drowned today.

On this day the temperatures were in the high 90's.  Add humidity and the temperature was at least 100 degree's.  The young woman had been laying in a lounge chair for a while and decided to get up and go into the water to cool down.  She jumped off the diving board and into the deep end.  She apparently blacked out as soon as she hit the water.  The life guard on duty noticed she was not coming up and promptly dove into the water and pulled her out.  He and the other lifeguard administered CPR until the paramedics arrived.  It is my understanding that they saved her life and she has fully recovered (praise God!).  The lifeguards are young.  I know the boy is a high school graduate this past May, I am not sure about the other life guard, I believe she is still in high school.  These two young people did something that I am sure they never thought they would have to do.  Even though they were fully trained and qualified (and the proof is in their response) if you were to ask either of them do you think you will ever have to dive in and pull someone out and administer CPR, my guess is they would say, "No, but I am trained and ready if I need to". 

The "rumor" about the woman who drowned is that she was dehydrated.  With the temperatures as high as they are lately there have been a few other stories of heat related accidents and even death on the News. We need to heed the warning signals that our body gives us and respond promptly.  We need to realize that dehydration can happen at any time not just in summer.

This made me think about something...spiritual hydration.  What does it mean to be spiritually hydrated  and if we had to face a situation that we have been"trained" to respond to....would we be able to face it with the bravery, instincts, and confidence that the two lifeguards had at the moment that they saved the young woman. 

Just because we know scripture and have memorized certain passages and stories-can we apply them to our life?  Have we even taken the time to study and memorize scripture?  Are we in fellowship with other believers?  Are you under a pastor who not only preaches the word of God but who has a life that reflects that.? When we reflect on our own life do we see the fruit?  Do others? Are we better at judging others and seeing their faults and sin areas more than our own?  What do we do with our time, money, and talents?  Do you know what you believe and why?

Are we really ready to respond to life's situations, difficulties, crisis, temptations, and problems in a way that is honoring to God. In other words are we spiritually hydrated?  If you answered no to any of the questions then my question to you is....what do you want to do about it?  what choice can you make right now to change any of this? We never know when or if we will be faced with something that will require us to prove our faith in a deep and meaningful (life saving) way.  We never know when we may need to live out the verses we have read.  We are not guaranteed tomorrow and we are not living in a perfect world it is important that we take care to keep physically and spiritually hydrated at all times, in all seasons of life. 

Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. James 1:22

Twilight, Beth Moore, and Christ

I watched a movie last night that may cause some of you to roll your eyes and laugh out loud, or possibly judge me, or some of you, I know will "high five" me.  The movie was Twilight.  I have many christian friends who have read all the books and seen the movies.  I also have christian friends who consider this book/movie something to stay away from.  There are certain movies that I would never consider watching.  I am not talking R or even X rated- I am talking about some PG 13 movies!  I won't go into the titles, because my point is not to argue over what is appropriate to watch and what is not, because really that is a choice we all get to make for ourselves.  We all have the ability to draw our own line.  It's the conviction we feel in our heart and mind.  And since we are not robots, I have a strong feeling, even if we agree on the majority of things, some where one of us will have their line drawn a little further to the left or the right than the other at different times for different reasons.

I will be honest, I felt the movie Twilight was "cheesy" in many ways but there was a point in the movie where Edward is trying to explain to Bella why he has to stay away from her, but he feels powerless to do so... and there is a depth to his eyes, at that very moment that you can almost feel the conflict within him. The director did a great job capturing up close facial shots and the actors portrayed more than the script words could even say with certain looks, body language and facial expressions. At one point in the movie Edward miraculous saves Bella's life from an on coming van that would have crushed her to death. 

I am by no means promoting the book or movie but in my opinion Stephanie Meyers was able to create something so powerful, so compelling, that young girls and women of all ages, are talking about it all over the world. Why is that? I think its because she hit a nerve within our emotions, desires, and yes, our insecurities. 

I am reading a book called, So, Long Insecurity by Beth Moore.  I have dealt with insecurity issues for my entire life. Last night while watching Twilight, there were certain times and things I noticed that gave me  "aha" moments, to things I have been reading. Specifically with Bella's own insecurities. She seeks the "forbidden" fruit of sorts, when she sees Edward and hears the gossip about him and his family.  Her own insecurities could possibly stem from her parents divorce, and her sacrifice of choosing to live with her father, so her mother can travel and be with her new husband.  There did not seem to be any tension or problems, but you could see that Bella and her dad didn't know each other very well and while I suspect he was a good man in general, he seemed to be a man who certainly did not wear his heart on his sleeve, he wasn't touchy feely, he was a man of a few words, a very simple man who loved his job as the town Sheriff.

As Beth Moore says, when you are hurting or insecure you almost always tend to look for or become attracted to that same type of person (and I believe later on in the book-which I am not there yet- but she has alluded to this...she talks about the people who look for those of us who struggle with insecurity issues).  Bella saw herself as an outcast although she really wasn't.  I believe this fact made her more drawn to the Cullen family, they were all outcasts. When we struggle with how we perceive ourselves and with our insecurities, we will continue to go in the same vicious circle we have travelled in for our whole life, until we decide to stop and work on the areas in our life and heart that keep us from moving forward and out of the circle.

All of the things that made me "like" this movie were emotional factors. No surprise here, women are emotional.   The fact that Edward wanted Bella so badly that he had to force himself to have self control or stay away from her. Edward portrayed his feelings with such depth and the fact that Bella was desperate for his attention, added to the emotion.  The things he said to her, the way he wanted to protect her and keep her safe no matter the cost to himself, the way he always desired to be with her, the way he wanted her to be a part of his life and family, the way he deeply cared for her.  The way he trusted her.  The way she trusted him. 

Now if you go with me to another aspect of all of this....these things speak to women...what woman doesn't want to be wanted deeply, what woman doesn't want unconditional love from a man, what woman doesn't want to feel so incredibly special, what woman doesn't want to matter in a significant way in another life, what woman doesn't want to feel safe and secure.  What woman doesn't want a man with proven self control, what woman doesn't want to feel so loved and cared for that her "man" wants to bring her into his family and community.

Who could ever possibly fill all these needs in a real life woman? As Beth says in her book...that is a lot to ask of any man, and she says there are just as many men out there looking for a woman to fill all their needs as well!  We are looking for someone to fill every need in our heart, when the fact of the matter is, it belongs to only one...Jesus!  Jesus is the only one who can fill each and every need we have.  He also desires us completely.  He will also guard and protect you. He thinks you are beautiful (after all He created you).  He is constantly telling us of the importance of fellowship and community, in other words, He desires to bring us into his family and the community.  He constantly tell us in the word that  He wrote and inspired, to call upon Him and abide in Him. And He died for YOU!  What more could we want? 

But like Edward and Bella's relationship-they made time for each other, they learned how to spend time together, they desired to be near each other,...this is same thing we need to do in order to have that kind of relationship with Christ.  We need to be intentional and get into the word and study it so we understand it.  We need to surround ourselves with other believers who will encourage and inspire us.  We can feel a sense of belonging and community, but its a choice.  If you are expecting someone else to fill all of your needs you are looking in the wrong direction man (people) will always let you down, they will always be flawed, no one is capable of ever being ALL to someone else.  This is real life.  Dig deeper into who you are.  If you know you have a hole in a particular area of your life....dig deep and see what you can do to fix it, and of course the more we learn to trust and lean on our Saviour the easier it will be.

Led me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation
Psalm 25:5

Long Term Marriages

As I was reading the morning newspaper today a headline caught my attention...Gore's Split is Part of Boomer Trend.  Normally, I do not read these type of articles because, well, honestly they just make me mad.  I knew that I wanted to write a blog on the topic, so I decided I should read the article to make sure I was not judging a book by its cover.  Just for the record, my judgement was right (at least in my opinion) and yes, the article did make me mad.  I will attempt to take my anger and turn it into passion, hopefully that is what you will see in this blog. 

The large quote next to the headline said, "I was 60 and I was thinking", "I have 25 more good years left, what do I want the rest of my life to look like?".  Henry McMackin married 32 years.  Later on in the article he said he is now 65 years old and feels liberated and he thinks his ex wife feels the same.  He goes on to say that he and his (ex) wife no longer had anything in common and that his infidelity killed his marriage.  Ok, I need to insert a little sarcasm here.... really?  you mean infidelity ruined your marriage and you no longer had anything in common with the woman who spent 32 years of her life with you, and helped raise two sons. I wonder if he even tried communicating with the woman that HE asked to marry him.  I wonder if he was willing to go to counseling.  I wonder if he attempted to find any common ground with the woman he made vows and commitments  to 32 years ago.  I wonder how he justified his infidelity when he first crossed that line. If we are all honest here, infidelity is not about the one who is being cheated on its about the person doing the cheating. What happened to honor, integrity, respect, and communication.  Attributes that should be in your marriage at all times, even when you feel you no longer have anything in common, even when you feel you are not satisfied, even when you have allowed children, finances, careers, illness, financial problems, etc, to come in between you and the person you chose to marry.  Why have we allowed the "world" to say honor, respect, integrity, and communication, no longer matter in marriages.  Why has it become so easy to no longer honor your commitment.  One word....selfishness. 

(I feel the need to say this does not apply to marriages where abuse, mental illness, or addictions are present).

Ok now this is where I will (attempt) to take the anger and turn it into passion...

Mr. McMackin said at the age of 28 he felt he needed to be married. He said, " In those days if you weren't married then it was assumed you were gay or had commitment problems". It seems he married his wife for the wrong reasons and it is apparent that he did have commitment problems. The lesson here is don't settle, don't be afraid to address your own issues (especially before you invite someone in), don't do something just because it's what everyone else is doing or is expected, do it because you want to with your whole heart. Before you ask someone to marry you or before you say yes, understand marriage takes work, sometimes hard work. And it will only work if BOTH people are in it to win it.
As a woman who has walked through divorce, I will admit that I married my first husband for all the wrong reasons (if you have read my book you know what all those reasons are).  I also saw red flags and ignored them.  For nine years I lived in a constant state of fear and love for my first husband. That is not what a marriage should be based on. Fear and love never equal a healthy relationship. 

I have been married to my (second) husband for fourteen years and I can honestly say I love him more today than I did when we first married.  I love my husband and I have never feared him. The relationship I have with my husband is 100% different than my first marriage. I know that I want to spend as many years with him as I possible can. I look forward to growing old with him.

So, how do those of us who desire to stay in a healthy marriage keep it going.  I have come up with a list of things and I welcome your input as well.

More importantly before I give you my list I want to say, before you say, "I do", make sure you are making a choice that you want to make.  Make sure it's for the right reasons. Make sure you understand marriage takes work and yes, there will be times, even seasons, where all of your needs may not get met, but before you seek the comfort of someone else, ask what can YOU do to help the situation. What can YOU do to communicate your needs and desires in a way that will be beneficial to you both. What can YOU do to encourage this marriage to get stronger.

Below are some ideas for married couples who desire to keep honor, integrity, respect, and communication at the top of their priority list.  Start today so you can grow old together AND be happy.

Start with finding a common interest. There are so many things all around us...movies, reading, book clubs, travel (even just driving around locally), volunteering, dance lessons, painting/drawing classes, exercise classes, biking, walking, bowling, tennis, golf, hiking, camping.  You can check out your local YMCA or Rec. Center they are full of classes and clubs.  The idea is just find something that is a common interest to both of you 

It's also ok to have separate interests-it keeps you-you.You can encourage each other and support each others passions but remember to take time to nurture your marriage

Always keep the communication lines open...talk about simple day to day things, as well as, deeper issues

Ask each other questions and be willing to respect each others opinion

Listen with your ears and your heart

Take time to kiss, hug, and compliment each other

Remember your manners...it's amazing how far a "thank you" can go

Keep intimacy alive in your marriage

Pray together

Be willing to admit when you are wrong

Be willing to show grace, mercy, and forgiveness

Be encouraging to each other

Be willing to acknowledge if a certain season of life is too much...invest in your marriage and seek counseling if its needed

I am sure this list could go on and on but for now I will stop and say to all of the Mr. McMackin's and Mr. and Mrs.Gore's of the world, I am truly sorry for the demise of your relationship and I hope for each of you out there, that you find what you feel you are missing out in life.  To the rest of the world...remember don't settle and if you are in a marriage that seems as if the season you are in is no longer tolerable... I challenge you to ask yourself...what can YOU do to start the healing and moving forward together process.