Fear

I have worked hard to become aware and undo particular patterns in my life that are not healthy, honoring God, or helping me in any way. One of the biggest patterns I have tried to deal with. is the pattern of feeling fear, and then trying to out smart or be one step ahead of, whatever or whomever, I am fearful of.  It's not a faith issue for me; its a control issue. I have faith. I know God is bigger than anyone or anything that I could ever fear. I live my life trusting in God's perfect will for me. I realize this sounds contradictory, all I can say is...imagine walking in my shoes!  

I have learned that this particular pattern within me started in my childhood and continued persuasively into my first marriage. I do not blame anyone, however, when you combine alcoholic parents, divorce, and dysfunction, etc, into the heart and mind of a five year old, it sets the stage. Then years later you combine a marriage that was riddled with emotional, verbal, and physical abuse; you create ways to cope with your fears. You try to be one step ahead of your fear. You try to figure out the best way to pacify someone who may be angry (not necessarily at you, but, you feel the wrath anyway), you walk on egg shells (and hope that the noise doesn't irritate someone), you may even find yourself agreeing with something that you do not agree with, simply out of fear, or you wont confront a liar with the truth, because you know if you do, it will make the liar more mad to be confronted with things they are not ready to acknowledge or confess. So, you search for a safety net in your mind.  That safety net is a "plan" that has many different scenarios and endings so that you are prepared for anything. 

I know there is fine line in using wisdom and making a plan, however, I confess I have wasted a lot of time and energy with worry, second guessing, and wishing I could control certain responses, words, or behavior from others.

These patterns of fear and planning usually stem from a person or situation that I wish I could control.  Maybe it's someone who is bullying my child, maybe it's a family member that I love and care about, but has no interest in the truth, hope, or healing, maybe it's someone that I know has anger issues, maybe it's someone who has proven loud and clear by their actions that they are not trustworthy, maybe one of my children are sick, maybe I catch someone in a lie. This list can go on and on, as this pattern was deeply rooted within me.

Now that I am aware of this pattern I am able to catch myself and stop before I allow too much time and energy into my fear.  I really don't like that I do this, however, now that I am aware I am able to focus on the issue in a healthier way. I am learning to not be a afraid of fear itself.  Every now and then a situation arises and I see how easy it is for me to step into the well worn patterns of my life.  Once I recognize this I immediately pray and ask God to help me see the situation for what it is and not what I feel it is. I have to be aware and catch my thoughts.  

I have grown a lot in this area. I know that I am not where I was,.however, I know I still have room for more growth.  It is one day at a time, one moment at a time, there is always HOPE!

Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?  Psalm 56:3-4

Burdens

I recently read a story and I want to share it with you. I am not sure who wrote it; however, it goes along with yesterday's blog, Suitcases.

Put the Glass Down

There is a story about a professor who is presenting a lecture on stress management to his students. He raised a glass of water and asked the class, "How heavy do you think this glass of water is?" The students guessed about six ounces. "It doesn't matter what the absolute weight is.  It depends on how long you hold it," the professor replied.  "If I hold it for a minute, it is OK. If I hold it for an hour, my arm will start to ache. If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance. It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it the heavier it becomes."

If you carry your burdens all the time, sooner or later, you will not be able to carry on; the burden will be too heavy. What you have to do is put the glass down and rest for a while before holding it up again.  You have to put the burdens down from time to time, so that you can be refreshed and able to carry on. Whatever burden you are carrying on your shoulders, let it down. Take a rest. If you must, you can pick it up again later when you have rested. Rest and relax.    ~Author unknown

**All too often, in my life, it has appeared easier to continue to carry my burdens  If I lay them down, then I am exposed, I lose control, I am not protected, I am vulnerable, and sometimes I think to myself,  I deserve to carry these burdens.  However, I have learned those "reasons" are really lies!  I am exposed ,but only to the grace, mercy, and forgiveness that Christ offers.  I was never in control in the first place...and quite honestly, I prefer God being in control.  I am more than protected!  I am only vulnerable to God's plan and purpose; there is nothing to fear there. Every single person in the world deserves to carry their burdens, however, the GOOD NEWS is Christ lived, died, and rose again, so that I can have a clean slate and know that I deserve all that He promises (and that goes for you as well!-there are no exceptions).

Lay your burdens down and let the love of Christ replace the heaviness within your heart!

There is ALWAYS hope!

Suitcases

Have you heard the new song by Dara Maclean; Suitcases from her album You Got My Attention?  It has a powerful message and I love her voice.  We all have baggage, however, we have the choice to keep holding the baggage and letting it weigh us down or we can choose to put it down and move forward in grace, mercy, and forgiveness.  Stop believing the lies that you are not worthy because YOU ARE!  If you are like me, you hold tightly to the suitcases in your life, and with every choice, memory, or situation, you add more baggage to your suitcase . Your suitcase continues to get fuller and heavier. If your lucky enough, maybe your suitcases have wheels, keep in mind, it's only a matter of time, and the wheels will break and you will be forced to carry it or drag it around. There is freedom and hope in letting go!  It takes courage to lay your suitcase down and unpack, however, once you unpack it, you will never have to unpack it again!  

It's time to stop carrying our baggage and embrace the freedom and forgiveness that is in front of us!

THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE! 

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Suitcases

How can you move when they’re weighing you down
What can you do when you’re tied to the ground, yeah
You carry your burdens, heavy like gravity
Just let them go now, there’s freedom in release

You can’t run when you’re holding suitcases
It’s a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don’t have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There’s a better way when you know you’re forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don’t have to be afraid

Can you imagine what it’s like to be free
Well, send those bags packing, they’re not what you need
Abandon your troubles on the side of the street
Just let them go now, believe me

You can’t run when you’re holding suitcases
It’s a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don’t have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There’s a better way when you know you’re forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don’t have to be afraid

There’s nothing hold you back now, just run

You can’t run when you’re holding suitcases
It’s a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don’t have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There’s a better way when you know you’re forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don’t have to be
You don’t have to be afraid