Marraige Series: What to Look For....

I am excited to announce I am going to write a Marriage Series Blog over the next several weeks!  

Areas I am planning to write about:

1. Boundaries with the opposite gender friendships (I will include a link with  my recent time with Doug and Jaci- Your Family Friendly Morning Show, on The Fish)

2. Way's to love, honor, and serve your spouse

3. Communication in marriage (including forgiveness)

4. God's desire for marriage

5. Spiritual growth in marriage

6. Remembering our vows and  taking them serious

I am open to any other topic ideas you may have or need.  Please send suggestions and or information you would like to share to Sheryl@SherylGriffin.com 

I look forward to sharing my heart with you and hearing from you regarding marriage!

There is always hope!

Redeeming Memories

We recently went on our first Spring Break vacation.  A huge shout out and thank you to the Henry family for inviting us to join them at their family beach house in Gulf Shores.  We had an amazing time.  It was filled with lots of rest, relaxation, reading, good food, laughter, and specifically for me; a healing and redeeming moment.

As a teen and young adult, living in California, I loved going to Santa Cruz Beach Board Walk, however, three specific memories had stolen my love of the beach and ocean.  One memory had to do with heart break and two had to do with fear (deeply ingrained fear situations).  Living in Tennessee for the past fourteen years I had not realized my lost love of the beach until we were invited to join our friends.  When we realized all of the necessary details would work out for us to join them, I suddenly felt conflicted.  I wanted to go and enjoy time with the Henry family, but there seemed to be something I couldn't move past; a negative feeling. 

Within a few days of being at the beach I found myself alone one afternoon.  I brought a book to read and as I began to read I felt myself feeling a bit restless. I was unable to focus on the book so I decided to take a walk along the ocean.  I began to think about the three memories as clearly as if they had just happened (these situations occurred about twenty five years ago...this shows you the power of the mind and the depth of the situations). I sat down on the waters edge and allowed the waves to gently roll over my legs.  I felt a deep sadness and heaviness when suddenly I felt the Lord telling me, "Albagor!" (which I learned in Israel means no fear in the Hebrew language).  As I recalled the memories, it was as if God was saying, "No more fear!  I am the One who created the beach, the ocean, and all that is in it, this is My creation!"  I knew in my heart God was redeeming the memories that still held power over me, power I didn't even realize until that day. As I sat on the oceans edge I began to cry and let go of the memories that haunted me for so long. 

One of the memories involved recalling myself in a moment of desperation writing, HELP ME JESUS, in the sand with my toe.  I knew in an instant I needed to write,  There is always HOPE!, with my toe to reclaim the fear involved in that particular memory.  When I did this I felt a sudden release and peace. 

The next day as our families were settling in for the night to watch a movie, I felt the need to go outside. I had every intention of staying on the porch and listening to the waves crash onto the shore.  Before I knew it, I was walking down the stairs and heading towards the beach.  This is very unlike me. I do not like walking in the dark, especially in a area that I am not that familiar with.  It was as if a magnet was pulling me towards the ocean.  I began to walk faster.  Once I arrived I went straight for the water.  I took off my shoes and let the waves splash my bare legs and feet. I felt the Lord say again, "No fear!"  I felt peace and contentment as I looked up in the sky at the stars and the moon and heard the waves gently crashing on the shore all around me.

After a few minutes I realized I should go back to the house,  I never said I was leaving, I only told them I was going to the porch.  As I walked back with continued peace, I saw my husband on the porch and he was worried about where I had gone. I apologized for worrying him and  told him I felt I needed to face the ocean alone...just me and God.  I needed to walk in the dark towards the water. I needed to feel the water.  I needed to trust God and have, no more fear.  My husband hugged me and asked if I wanted to walk back to the beach with him and I said, "yes".  We walked along the ocean for almost two hours. As we walked back to the house I knew in my heart that not only had the Lord redeemed my old memories but He gave me a new one in it's place.

God is a God of redeeming qualities and He has a desire to bring healing to all of our past to help move us closer to Him! There is nothing to big, to old, or to scary for God!

Faith vs. Flesh

When does faith get to the point that we trust God for the no's in our life and the things we perceive as the, why me God, attitudes?

We will never get there by allowing our flesh to over rule our faith.  We must realize God is still God; in sickness and in health, in rich or poor times, in good times and bad times, and even in the yes's and the no's.  When we submit our will to, "Lord, your will be done," and trust that if we pray for open and closed doors, and the the doors are closed door, there is a reason.  While it might be disappointing we still have to trust God's will is better than ours.

When we allow ourselves to get caught up in the sin of, I deserve this! why isn't God listening to me? kind of attitude, we need to recognize this is arrogance and pride.  We deserve nothing, especially if we are deliberating making choices that do not honor God. Until we can honestly get to the place in our heart that God is God (and we are not) and He is centered over our life, it will be a constant roller coaster ride. We must choose to be repentant and willingly take steps to walk in faith and obedience.  Surrounding our self with choices and people who represent truth, honor, and integrity. While this does not guarantee a stress free, money problem free, never sad or disappointed life, it does guarantee that God will always be with us and His will is perfect.

God's purpose, commandments, and ways are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He has not changed.  Sometimes we have seasons in our life when sin begins to creep in and before you know it, it will over take you and you find yourself in a bitter angry place, blaming God for your choices and consequences.

God desires a relationship with us.  He is not a genie in a bottle to bring about our every wish and command. We are not promised a perfect life.  If you are struggling in the area of doubt, anger or bitterness towards God, the situation you may be in has more than likely been a slow burn of choices and behaviors on your part.  Deliberate choices. 

When we choose to lay aside our pride, arrogance, and will, only then can God begin to soften our heart and open our eyes to repentance and restoration.  This takes time and commitment. You can not put a price tag on this. Repentance and restoration have eternal value. Once this is established in our heart then our faith will begin to be stronger than our flesh. 

Rememeber it's one day at a time one moment at a time. 

There is always HOPE!

"So as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God"  1Peter 4:2

Life After Abortion

During my time at the Christian Women in Media Association National conference, we had a night of movie previews and worship.  One of the movie previews grabbed my attention, a documentary titled Life After Abortion.  As a woman who has has abortion in her past,  I highly recommend watching this documentary.  (The link will give you a twelve minute preview).

I was fifteen years old when I had my first abortion.  It was not something I wanted nor really understood.  I was told my baby was simply a blob of cells and if, at the time, I wanted to continue to live with my mother and step dad, I had no choice but to abort my baby. Little did I know the consequence of abortion doesn't end when your pregnancy is terminated.  

The second abortion happened when I was eighteen years old. I was married.  I did not marry because I was pregnant, I intentionally got pregnant several months after I married, hoping a baby would soften my (then) husband and give me the family I desperately desired.  I was wrong.

Something I allude to in my book, A Scarlet Cord of Hope My Journey Through Guilt, Shame, and Fear to Hope,  is after my divorce and being a single mom of a five year old, I rebelled and entered into what I call "my wild woman days".  During this short season of my life, I found myself pregnant.  I panicked!  I was a single mom struggling financially, emotionally, and spiritually.  I was still living in fear of my ex-husband and I was also concerned that he would try to gain custody of our daughter, qualifying me as "unfit" (although he never said this to me I know now my fears were simply based on my ptsd-post tramatic stress disorder).  Guilt, shame, and fear continued to pound in my head as I struggled with the decision of what to do.  I chose to hide my shame and had my third abortion. 

It took years for me to forgive myself and to accept forgiveness from God.  I was filled with guilt and shame for many years.  It was a slow process towards understanding why I allowed choices to be made for me, why I felt I didn't have a choice for my first two pregnancy's, and why I chose abortion over life as a divorced single mom.  Forgiving others, myself, and eventually learning to  accept God's forgiveness, doesn't mean I can erase the facts, or that I agree with abortion, nor does it mean I am glad I had an abortion.  

Simply put, forgiving myself and accepting God's forgiveness means:

1. I have recognized and acknowledged that I made a choice that I realize now I would not make again

2. I have learned from my mistakes

3. I am repentant  

Here are a few scripture truths I hold onto when the enemy tries to come at me with guilt and shame:

As far as the east is from the west, so far  He removed our transgressions from us  Psalm 103: 12

I have wiped out your transgressions like a thick cloud, and your sins like a heavy mist.  Return to me, for I have redeemed you  Isaiah 44:22 

In Him we have redemption through His blood the forgiveness of our trespasses according to the riches of His grace  Ephesians 1:7 

If you struggle with guilt and shame over the choice of abortion please know that you're not alone and there is HOPE!  

New Windows

I never thought I would be excited over new windows, however, today our home received NEW WINDOWS and they are beautiful.  Our home is older, built in the 80's, and the windows were original (that is something else I never thought I would consider-older is the 80's).  A few windows were stuck shut and unable to open and all the windows had major drafts in the winter.  I had a bag of rags I kept in the garage and every winter I would place them on the top and bottom of each window in an attempt to keep the heat in.  I am sure with the Tennessee humidity and heat we have in the summer, we lost a lot of cool air in the summer through those little drafts as well. 

Even though I diligently placed the rags on the window sills, I know the rags did not completely cover the cold draft or keep our cool air in during the summer.  I look forward to seeing our next heat and air bill (something else I never thought I would say) The rags acted like a band aide to something that really required surgery. The rags worked for a season and I am grateful that season is over. I know we will see a significant difference in our bill and we have added value to our home.

How often in our spiritual lives do we place rags where a serious repair or investment needs to be done.  The rag can cover something and even help a little, however the root or underlining need is still there.  For example a quick prayer is better than no prayer, but a quality prayer time is best.  Or what about reading our Bibles, maybe we read a devotion or a christian book, which is good and needed however, digging deep into God's word should be a priority.  How about fellowship, are you intentional and willing to take your mask off or do you have walls built around you in fear of rejection?

There are seasons in our life when all we can do is place a cover up on a much needed repair and the Lord knows our heart and motive.  However, when the Lord opens the door for the repair or investment I encourage you to make sure and take full advantage of  it and enjoy the benefits of digging deeper in a new season!

"And do not be conformed to this world, but transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, which is good and acceptable and perfect"  Romans 12:2

Ps I would like to thank  Randolph Moore from Centurion Stone & Exteriors for our beautiful new windows!  click here for information

  

The Void in My Heart

How do you fill a void in your in heart when you thought you filled it. Something triggers you to make you realize you only filled the void with sand. The sand has slowly been drifting away and the void is now visible to you, once again.  The definition of the word void, according the Dictionary.com, is without contents; empty.

The void I am talking about is the absence of a relationship with my mother.  I realized years ago that even when we had a relationship; we really didn't. I have gone through a grieving process in this relationship.  I have grieved the relationship I always desired.  I have grieved for the loss of the relationship we did have.  I have grieved the loss of who she is and who I wish she was. I've grieved the loss of who I am and who she wanted me to be. I have grieved the loss of my childhood with her. I thought I was done.  I don't mean to sound harsh or mean.  I just meant that I thought once I accepted these things and moved forward that my void would fill up and I would never feel the sadness or emptiness I do when I think of my mom.
 

I realize now that allowing yourself to grieve the loss of a relationship whether by death, divorce, boundaries, or choices, that doesn't mean it's some how erased from your heart and mind.  Because my heart lives for hope, I still have hope that someday my mother and I can be reconciled.  I have no idea what that could even look like and it's in my best interest not to try to create a possible plan, because then I am in control and I set myself up for disappointment.
 

God created us with needs and He created us to crave relationships. We especially crave relationship, acceptance, and encouragement from our parents. If you feel you have a void in your heart whether it's a parent, spouse, or friend situation, there are many ways to fill the voids in our hearts You can chooses to numb your void with alcohol, drug abuse, or food addictions.  You can choose to cover up your void with bad relationship choices. You also have the choice to face the grief and the truth about the situation. Unfortunately, there really isn't an easy way out because, if you choose substance abuse or other relationships, it still doesn't solve the issue at hand. It covers it up and continues to add layers upon layers. It's in your best interest to face your grief so you can move forward in a healthy manner.

I have realized that while my heart desires a loving nurturing mother in my life, God has placed women in my life who are loving and nurturing.  Some of these women are my age, some are older, and some are younger.  Some have been in my life for many years, some were only in my life for short seasons, and some have touched my life without even realizing it. When I take the focus off of "me" and I look around at the people who surround me, I realize that while I miss having a nurturing loving relationship with my mother, I do have more than what any mother could possibly provide as one person, by the many many women that God has intentionally placed in my life.

Because I am human I will always have a spot in my heart with grief for my mother, however, it doesn't have to be a main focus in my life. It doesn't define me.  It doesn't complete me. It doesn't have to be a void.  I accept I will always have a want for the mother relationship my heart desire, but I wont allow it to blind me from the gifts that God has placed in my life with other women who choose to listen to me, encourage me, hope for me, love me, speak boldly to me -when needed, teach me, share with me, and continually spur me on to do the next right thing!

If you are feeling a void in your life due to the loss of a relationship, I want to encourage you to prayerfully consider those who God has placed in your path and stop allowing the "void" so much power and control over you, your day, your choices, and your life.  

Ignorance Is NOT Bliss....

Why is it easier to stick our head in the sand and ignore the reality of what's going on right in front of us?  There are usually a variety of reasons and concerns to this question, however, I believe the real reason lies within Genesis chapter three, specifically verses 8-11. 

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?"  He said, "I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked ;so I hid myself." And He said, "Who told you that you were naked ? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat ?"

It boils down to sin nature!  The serpent knew exactly what he was doing and how thousands of years later we would still struggle with facing issues that make us uncomfortable.  It's much easier to continue to sweep it under the rug, blame someone else, ignore the issue at hand fooling yourself: it's not that bad. 

The past several years since my diagnosis of ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) and panic/anxiety I have fought earnestly to pull everything out from under the rug. I work daily at not putting anything back.  Sometimes it's a struggle, but I also know the power and beauty of living a life of freedom. I am no longer bound by the fear, that whether you want it or not, accompanies intentional ignorance and putting things under the rug.  While facing things that make me uncomfortable is still not an easy or desirable task, I now know the difference.  I have tasted and seen and no longer desire the constant bitter taste that I once became accustomed to.  

This freedom is available to you as well.  We must first acknowledge and slowly begin to pull everything out that we worked so hard to shove under the rug.  It's not about blaming anyone or heaping guilt upon yourself. It's merely an exercise of acknowledgment.  Once you start to do this then you can move into deeper areas; the root cause....what was really going on that caused you to put it under the rug or ignore in the first place. From there you begin the heart work of not allowing yourself to get back into your comfort zone of ignorance and hiding.This is also a faith issue. We must hold tight that we know God WILL use all things for His glory. 

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28 

Once we begin to see that ignorance and hiding are a tool of the enemy to keep us in bondage, something he started with Adam and Eve, we can begin to work at not falling into his trap.  

Live your life with HOPE. It's time to stop living in guilt, shame, and fear.  Embrace the freedom Christ has given us to face whatever lies in front of us, no matter the significance of the situation, nor the size or complication or even the consequences.  We are promised we are not alone!

  

He Himself has said, "I will never desert you nor will I forsake you," so that we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid, what will man do to me? " Hebrews 13:5-6