Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Life After Abortion

During my time at the Christian Women in Media Association National conference, we had a night of movie previews and worship.  One of the movie previews grabbed my attention, a documentary titled Life After Abortion.  As a woman who has has abortion in her past,  I highly recommend watching this documentary.  (The link will give you a twelve minute preview).

I was fifteen years old when I had my first abortion.  It was not something I wanted nor really understood.  I was told my baby was simply a blob of cells and if, at the time, I wanted to continue to live with my mother and step dad, I had no choice but to abort my baby. Little did I know the consequence of abortion doesn't end when your pregnancy is terminated.  

The second abortion happened when I was eighteen years old. I was married.  I did not marry because I was pregnant, I intentionally got pregnant several months after I married, hoping a baby would soften my (then) husband and give me the family I desperately desired.  I was wrong.

Something I allude to in my book, A Scarlet Cord of Hope My Journey Through Guilt, Shame, and Fear to Hope,  is after my divorce and being a single mom of a five year old, I rebelled and entered into what I call "my wild woman days".  During this short season of my life, I found myself pregnant.  I panicked!  I was a single mom struggling financially, emotionally, and spiritually.  I was still living in fear of my ex-husband and I was also concerned that he would try to gain custody of our daughter, qualifying me as "unfit" (although he never said this to me I know now my fears were simply based on my ptsd-post tramatic stress disorder).  Guilt, shame, and fear continued to pound in my head as I struggled with the decision of what to do.  I chose to hide my shame and had my third abortion. 

It took years for me to forgive myself and to accept forgiveness from God.  I was filled with guilt and shame for many years.  It was a slow process towards understanding why I allowed choices to be made for me, why I felt I didn't have a choice for my first two pregnancy's, and why I chose abortion over life as a divorced single mom.  Forgiving others, myself, and eventually learning to  accept God's forgiveness, doesn't mean I can erase the facts, or that I agree with abortion, nor does it mean I am glad I had an abortion.  

Simply put, forgiving myself and accepting God's forgiveness means:
1. I have recognized and acknowledged that I made a choice that I realize now I would not make again
2. I have learned from my mistakes
3. I am repentant  
Here are a few scripture truths I hold onto when the enemy tries to come at me with guilt and shame:

As far as the east is from the west, so far  He removed our transgressions from us  Psalm 103: 12

I have wiped out your transgressions like a thick cloud, and your sins like a heavy mist.  Return to me, for I have redeemed you  Isaiah 44:22 

In Him we have redemption through His blood the forgiveness of our trespasses according to the riches of His grace  Ephesians 1:7 

If you struggle with guilt and shame over the choice of abortion please know that you're not alone and there is HOPE!  


  1. As a teenager I was involved in an abortion too. My girlfriend became pregnant and we both thought it was the right thing to do. Many years later I sat in a church watching a youth group perform a drama about abortion. At that time I was unsaved. I began to cry uncontrollably and my wife asked me what was wrong. I had never told her about the abortion. Guilt overwhelmed me. After accepting Christ as my Savior I sought His forgiveness and He gave it to me. As a man I was just as guilty as my girlfriend. Thank God for His grace and mercy.

    1. Dave, thank you for sharing this! This is powerful! I know other men who have struggled in this area as well. We need a revival of men to step forward and share their story's and come into the grace, mercy, and forgiveness that is waiting for them-so they can be free to be the man of God they are destined to be! Thanks for sharing Dave!!!


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