Ignorance Is NOT Bliss....

Why is it easier to stick our head in the sand and ignore the reality of what's going on right in front of us?  There are usually a variety of reasons and concerns to this question, however, I believe the real reason lies within Genesis chapter three, specifically verses 8-11. 

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?"  He said, "I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked ;so I hid myself." And He said, "Who told you that you were naked ? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat ?"

It boils down to sin nature!  The serpent knew exactly what he was doing and how thousands of years later we would still struggle with facing issues that make us uncomfortable.  It's much easier to continue to sweep it under the rug, blame someone else, ignore the issue at hand fooling yourself: it's not that bad. 

The past several years since my diagnosis of ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) and panic/anxiety I have fought earnestly to pull everything out from under the rug. I work daily at not putting anything back.  Sometimes it's a struggle, but I also know the power and beauty of living a life of freedom. I am no longer bound by the fear, that whether you want it or not, accompanies intentional ignorance and putting things under the rug.  While facing things that make me uncomfortable is still not an easy or desirable task, I now know the difference.  I have tasted and seen and no longer desire the constant bitter taste that I once became accustomed to.  

This freedom is available to you as well.  We must first acknowledge and slowly begin to pull everything out that we worked so hard to shove under the rug.  It's not about blaming anyone or heaping guilt upon yourself. It's merely an exercise of acknowledgment.  Once you start to do this then you can move into deeper areas; the root cause....what was really going on that caused you to put it under the rug or ignore in the first place. From there you begin the heart work of not allowing yourself to get back into your comfort zone of ignorance and hiding.This is also a faith issue. We must hold tight that we know God WILL use all things for His glory. 

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28 

Once we begin to see that ignorance and hiding are a tool of the enemy to keep us in bondage, something he started with Adam and Eve, we can begin to work at not falling into his trap.  

Live your life with HOPE. It's time to stop living in guilt, shame, and fear.  Embrace the freedom Christ has given us to face whatever lies in front of us, no matter the significance of the situation, nor the size or complication or even the consequences.  We are promised we are not alone!

  

He Himself has said, "I will never desert you nor will I forsake you," so that we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid, what will man do to me? " Hebrews 13:5-6

31 Days of Hope Day 8

In 2007 I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, along with panic and anxiety. My diagnosis came after I suffered a severe panic attack.  I awoke from a deep sleep with intense nausea, shortness of breath, chest pain, chills, sweating, and my heart beating wildly. I thought I was dying.  I woke my husband and he called 911. Once I was in the ambulance I was given medication for the chest pain and rapid heart beat and taken to the hospital. At the hospital, I was immediately hooked to IV's, monitors, and given more medication to ease the nausea and get my heart rate down. My heart rate was at 140.  A normal resting heart rate is 60-100.  I was kept overnight and had several tests lined up for the morning.  My doctor came in the next morning and said, "this sounds like a panic attack".  I was offended that she would say such a thing.  I knew I was a "worry wart" and that I tend to internalize things, however, I knew I was dying.  I felt something was seriously wrong with me, this was more than a "panic attack". 

Needless to say after two ambulance rides, three ER visits, numerous doctor visits, tests and much prayer, my doctor was correct. I did indeed have a panic attack.  Once I began to open my eyes to this diagnosis I was determined to figure it out and get well  We found an amazing doctor who diagnosed me with ptsd and panic/anxiety, she worked with me for nine months.  Those initial nine months were emotionally draining for me.  I spent hours with her pulling everything out from under the rug.Talking about things that I thought I had "dealt" with over the years and realizing at the time I hadn't.

For me ptsd was not one event or situation. It was an accumulation of things from childhood that primed me for an abusive first marriage. I do not blame my family or even my ex-husband. I take full responsibility for choices I made and for decisions I allowed. I had become accustomed and comfortable in taking responsibility for other people's choices and behavior, ignoring red flags in relationships, and pushing things under the rug.

After nine months of therapy my doctor referred me to another doctor who has helped me tremendously using EMDR. EMDR does not erase the memories or events from your mind, however it does reprocess those memories and events so that you are not affected by them as you once were.  

With the Lord's help and the wisdom and therapy of my doctor's, I have been on a journey that is filled with hope.  You see, I lived a life full of guilt, shame, and fear.  You might not have seen it on the outside because I was good at hiding it. I look back at myself and wonder how I managed to keep everything so controlled on the outside, but I if I look deeper into my heart and mind, I see it.  They (the guilt, shame, and fear) were constant companions to me.  

Even though I accepted Christ into my heart at fifteen I did not fully understand the Gospel nor accept all that Christ offers. I never struggled with "why me God",  my struggle was more like, I am so unworthy. I am unforgivable. I deserve all that has happened. If only, I was better. Why would God care about me?

It has been a process within the last fifteen years that I have started believing and accepting God's mercy, grace, and forgiveness.  I am worthy and so are you!  That is why the topic of HOPE resonates so deeply within my heart. As long as there is breathe there IS hope!

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.  Hebrews 10:23

For an explanation of:

ptsd click here 

panic and anxiety click here

EMDR click here
To hear more about my story you can read my book A Scarlet Cord of Hope...My Journey Through Guilt, Shame, and Fear