Moving Forward Even When It Hurts

How do you move forward when you are finally in a place to pull everything out from under the rug, that you have carefully stuffed there for years, and you want to acknowledge facts and feelings about your life past and present but, one of the main people in your life isn't in the same place.

That is my situation and the other person is my mother. It has been two and half years since I last heard from her.  I knew it would come to this, but it still hurts.  I knew when the Lord led me to publish my book that it would forever change our relationship. I was emotionally healthy and ready but, it doesn't make it any easier.  In order to have a healthy relationship with  my mother, the kind my heart truly and deeply desired, we needed to stop the life long patterns that we were in.  Part of my healing and moving forward meant I needed to boldly tell the truth and move forward, with or without her (emotionally). 

As I prayed for the moment of "truth" between the two of us,  I lifted my head and arms to God in total faith and surrender. I remember thinking, "it's no longer in my control".  And, the fact of the matter is, it never was.  That is what ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) and panic/ anxiety made me think though.  As if somehow, I held the key to happiness for those I loved the most.  If I can cover up or make their choices or decision "better" simply by not acknowledging them or pretending with them, in the game of if I don't confront you or the situation, maybe it will get better or maybe it will go away.  Even though, it never did, I played this game for most of my life.  Believing the lie it's better not to talk about things that are confrontational or have the ability to upset someone.  There was also the fear that some how it would end up being my fault, and I didn't want to deal with that either. After all, there is a chance something might change on its own.  And sometimes it did, but then it always went back and when it did it came back stronger, louder, and more chaotic than before. 

I have learned since my diagnosis, of ptsd and panic/anxiety in 2007, that I am not responsible for other peoples choices or decisions.  I can not control the situation or the person by loving them, denying the truth, by not confronting, nor by ignoring situations.  It's not that I thought I was powerful or "all that", it was an unhealthy co-dependent balance in my life and mind.

I am clinging to hope, as I continue to move forward, even in the pain.  Hope that someday my mother will hear my heart's cry and we can begin a new relationship.  Hope that she is able to face the things in her life and move forward in a positive way.  Hope that she feels the Lords presence in her life and willingly accepts Him. Hope that she will begin to understand what happened to me and that I am not blaming her (nor anyone else). Hope that she will be able to heal her past wounds and walk in truth and forgiveness.  Hope that she knows I love her.

Painting Faith

When our daughter married and  moved out a year ago, our son moved into her old bedroom.  I decided to use my son's old room as my office and guest bedroom.  The room needed a fresh coat of paint and I knew from previous experiences painting a room is not as easy as it seems. I had the color picked out for months and day dreamed about what it would look like.  After learning that a friend from another state wanted to visit for a few days, I knew it was time to tackle the painting project.

I gathered all my supplies and was initially very excited about the project. After I moved all of the furniture out and set everything up, I stared at the ceiling, I found myself wishing someone would come along and do it for me, and I hadn't even started painting yet! (Do you remember when you first became a Christian, you were excited and ready and then came the time when you had to make some changes or  things didn't seem to go the way you wanted or expected; maybe you found yourself wishing someone else would come along and do this faith journey for you).

I knew the thought of someone coming along to paint for me, wasn't an option, so I began to paint the ceiling. At first it wasn't bad. As I got to the half way point I noticed my neck and shoulders were starting to ache. I was also feeling frustrated as I wasn't seeing the results fast enough .(Have you ever felt frustrated that your prayers aren't getting answered fast enough or maybe you wonder if God is even hearing your prayers).  

The ceiling paint I used, painted on as pink but dried as white. It became very clear whenever  I crossed the line. (Do you find yourself more aware of when you are spiritually or morally crossing the line?)  As I continued to paint the ceiling I began to get more frustrated, as I saw more and more the mistakes I kept making.  The reality was I was trying to paint too fast and I was not able to perfect the technique needed to keep the ceiling and the wall paint separated. (Have you ever been frustrated when you are trying to do all the right things but it's still not working the way you expect, and if you are honest, you know you have been taking short cuts and and trying to rush the process).

After I finished painting the ceiling I called it a night and decided I would start the walls in the morning.  The next morning a friend stopped by to check on my progress (who is in my opinion, a master wall painter and has the ability to paint a room in a blink of an eye (well, almost) and it will be perfect when she is done).  I was expecting her to critique all of my mistakes and quite honestly, I was hoping she would say, "oh, what a mess you have made, I will finish this for you." She did not critique nor did she offer to paint in place of me.  Instead she was encouraging and offered advice.  She motivated me to finish the job and finish it well. (How often do you allow yourself to see only your mistakes and not your progress.  Do you ever find yourself wishing someone else better-more equipped would simply come along and do the hard work for you).

After my friend left, I was encouraged and inspired to finish the project and I was determined to finish it well. I began to roll the paint on the wall.  With each roll I was encouraged.  I was seeing results. As I painted the wall I left the very top and bottom alone, so that I could carefully paint the "crease" between the ceiling and the wall, because truth be told, whenever I paint a room, I paint the ceiling the same color as the wall.  The only reason I have done this is because I am intimidated by the possibility of messing up.  I am not a crafty artsy kind of girl, and sometimes I have trouble cutting a straight line.  Just thinking of trying to paint evenly and between two colors stresses me.  (Do you ever allow yourself to be intimidated or stressed by things that you feel unequipped to do.  How many opportunities or blessing have you missed out on because of this?).

I was determined not to give the paint "the power" and I was intentional about my pace, recalling the wisdom and advice my friend gave me on holding the brush, the amount of paint to put on the brush, and the technique she showed me. As I applied what I had learned and took my time, before I knew it, I had painted almost perfectly. The few lines that were still obvious, would be easy to touch up.  (We must remember if we keep our armor on, become intentional about our faith, and are willing to surrender to Christ, we will see results and we must remember its about a personal relationship-you and Jesus).

I finished the last touch up and was thrilled with the results of all my hard work and effort. I waited until the next day to put the furniture back in the room and once I had everything in place I was more than happy with the outcome and proud of myself for sticking it out and following through.  I was also proud that I had accomplished something I didn't think I could do.  (Never give up...one day at a time, one moment at a time, there is always hope!)

Happily Ever After?

How realistic is it that we would purposely pursue a relationship, feeling so strongly that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and actually do it; in sickness and health, in bad times and good times, in sad times and happy times?

As a woman who has walked through divorce and is now living "happily ever after", I am not approaching this subject lightly nor am I am coming at it with a judgmental finger pointing either. I recognize not everyone who is divorced, necessarily wanted a divorce, but their spouse did and thus the door was opened. There are also those who were not born again believers when they married, and they married for all the wrong reasons, and those reasons ended up being the end of their marriage. 

Today as christians (two believers who profess their faith in Jesus Christ and make a vow/promise to one another in marriage) we have allowed ourselves to become like the rest of the world. Sadly, many Christians have allowed what is felt as irreconcilable difference to dictate what the flesh wants. Believing the lie that the grass is greener on the other side.  No longer taking responsibility for choices and behaviors, refusing to seek proper help to overcome addictions or issues that have put a wedge between the one-ness that God created marriage for. Things or habits that were once tolerable are no longer tolerated.  It has become easier to not communicate needs or desires on the level required for true deep intimacy with your spouse. Some are so unhappy with themselves that they blame their spouse, when in fact its not about the spouse at all.  Somewhere along the line your marriage became a one sided relationship. You have allowed the past to dictate your future. Differences that once were areas where communication could create compromise, has now become solid walls. The heart felt desire to love, serve, and please your spouse is no longer a desire in your heart and mind. That part of the wedding vow no longer seems to apply, even though you meant it with all your heart at the time you said, "I do". 

Once you open the door to separation or divorce you begin to start all over again. Why? Because that is how you were created.  God created us for relationships. We crave the intimacy that marriage was created for. You will only find yourself in a similar pattern. The newness wears off and the same routines will begin to appear.  It wont happen overnight, but it will happen. With this in mind, wouldn't it be easier to face the problems in your marriage and open your heart to repairing the brokenness that is between you.  Reaching down to pull the root of an issue out is hard work and it can be intimidating, but the end result is wholeness and healing. Not just for your marriage but for yourself, as well. Getting to the root issue with your spouse in any area that has become a stumbling block towards intimacy between you, is going to take time, effort, and trust. You both must be on the same page, at the same time, with the same heart motive, to pull the root  completely out and repair the damage done by it.  Marriage is a relationship where two become one, but it's still a two sided relationship.

Marriage takes heart work from both spouses. You have to both be willing to be in it to win it.  Anyone who has been married longer than one year can tell you all of the things I said above, at some time or another, will begin to apply to your marriage, and my friends, this is where you need to begin to work hard.  This is the time when you need to keep your armor on.  Fight for your marriage.  Seek solid biblical counsel if you are struggling in an area within your marriage or individually.  Be willing to take your vows as seriously and as honestly as you did when you first said them out loud.

As believers, marriage shouldn't be the goal...staying married should be. 

Treasure In Treasure Out

Lately my mind has been on the scripture in  Ephesians 6:10-18 where it talks about the importance of putting on your FULL armor of God, so that we can be ready to battle against the darkness and spiritual forces of wickedness. Then I turn over to Philippians 4:8 where it says to let our minds dwell on these things: whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, filled with excellence and worthy of praise. We can not keep our armor on if our minds, hearts, and bodies are drifting into all of the opposites of the above mentioned qualities. 

We need others to help us keep accountable with these scriptures. God did not create us to be a "lone wolf" we need others in our daily life.  We need to surround ourselves with those who can encourage and motivate us towards focusing on the things in life that are true, honorable, right, and pure (i.e. keeping our armor on). Especially when we are weak, we need those who are stronger to help hold us up (and accountable). 

Part of putting (and keeping) our armor on and staying focused is the need to stop settling for sin and shame...stop accepting the negative thoughts and feelings. The mind is a powerful thing.  If we constantly think we are a "loser" we will be a loser. If we think we are unworthy, we will be unworthy.  If we think we will fail, we will fail. If we think we have crossed the line one to many times, we begin to believe that lie. Every time we focus on a lie or negativity it hinders our relationship with God. It stops our spiritual growth.

Another part of putting on the full armor of God is taking those lies and negativity captive and replacing them, slowly but steadily with the truth.  Something you can choose to do to combat those lies (it’s a daily choice and a daily battle for every Christian) is to put specific scriptures or quotes on index cards and post them all over: on mirrors, in closets, in your car, inside your wallet, in drawers, wherever you will see them.  That old saying “garbage in-garbage out" the same goes for the opposite. What is the opposite of garbage? TREASURE, so "treasure in –treasure out". Ask yourself, who am I choosing to surround myself with?  What am I listening to on the radio or CD’s?  What am I watching on TV? What magazines or books am I reading? 

Ask yourself, is this pure?  Is this lovely? Is this of good repute? In all honesty, I may ask myself those questions after the fact but, then it moves me towards confession and repentance. We can not be afraid of a healthy balance of guilt.  We have to look at it as the Holy Spirit in us, moving us towards confession and repentance. Putting that “check” so to speak, in our hearts. We are always going to struggle because this is not Heaven (but remember even in our struggles we do have a choice).  God also knows we are never going to be 100% perfect. He knows our flaws and weakness, what He wants is for us to come to Him with them.

For any relationship to be meaningful you must spend time together. You get to know each other, your likes, dislikes, your habits, your passions, etc. That is also true with our relationship with God (part of the armor and focus).  God is not interested in a one sided relationship. Obviously we will never be equal with God, as He IS God and we are not but, He still wants a relationship with us. This is will keep your armor securely on. 

This week challenge yourself to stop allowing "garbage" in and remember...treasure in treasure out!

Israel

Have you ever enjoyed looking at your friends photos from a trip and while you can appreciate the photos and what they represent, you don't quite have a desire to go to that particular place?  That is how I felt about Israel.  I have always enjoyed hearing the stories and seeing the photos from friends who have gone, but I never had the desire to go myself.  That is until the fall of 2010. At that time I was looking through photos from friends who had been on a study program for two weeks in Israel.  Something happened inside of me while I was looking at the photos. Suddenly the words, Lazarus Tomb, Sea of Galilee, The Garden of Gethsemane, Wilderness of Judah where Jesus was tempted by Satan, Jacobs Well (where Jesus met the woman at the well), View of Valley of Elah, where David slew Goliath, from Socoh Hill. Israelite hill can be seen off in the distance...these words seemed to capture my heart.  I had such a strong feeling that I knew I needed to go.  It was an excitement I had never felt before.

As much as I felt the desire to go, it didn't seem like something that would "fit into" my life at the time but maybe in three-five years. I told even my husband, "I know I am going to go to Israel at some point in my life". I kept it in the back of  my mind but I certainly wasn't pursuing any information at this point. 

Fast forward months later and I was meeting with my Women's Ministry Director, talking about my ministry with the book and speaking opportunities when at the end of our conversation she said, "you should prayerfully consider joining the Israel 2011 Study Program.  It's an extensive in depth study program that goes from Old Testament, to the Inter Testmental period, to the New Testament. The study program culminates with two weeks of Biblical study in Israel".  As she was talking to me, my heart began to race with excitement, this was the same trip that I originally saw the photos from. We continued to talk about the program and I left our meeting feeling strongly in my heart I was going to participate and accept the invitation.  My mind raced with questions and thoughts as I drove the short distance home to ask my husband to pray with me. 

After several days of prayer, my husband and I had a peace and excitement for me to join the program. We still have a few details to work out and of course there is money to raise, but we both know that God will provide everything I need and work out all of the details. The trip is September 24-October 7, 2011

If you are interested in hearing more details or supporting me in prayer or through a financial donation please email me Sheryl@SherylGriffin.com.

I look forward to sharing more with you as the study program begins and I will post blogs and photos as well.

If you have been to Israel, I would to hear your story!

I am Pro Life But....

....I have had an abortion, and I have had more than one.  

I opened up with the above statement for a purpose...so that anyone who may be reading this, knows upfront,  I am not finger pointing nor is my heart to judge.  I am here to share and encourage, and  I hope that I can give you some of the hope and healing I have found.  My deepest heart's desire is to share my story and change someones heart that may be considering abortion.  If that never happens, that's ok, because I will also be here to walk through the journey of healing and hope for those who need it.

I wont go into all of the details, because if you have read my book, you already know.  What I will tell you is that  having the abortion(s) added to the weight of my scarlet cord.  I felt tremendous guilt and shame. I also carried unforgiveness in my heart. Whenever the subject of abortion or Pro Life came up, I found myself always nervous and I tried to walk away from conversations or excuse myself in someway.

I was at a women's event nine years ago.  During the intermission, my friend and I, walked around the tables that were displaying books and such for sale.  I noticed we were getting closer to where Pro Life information was prominent on a table.  There was a woman at the table. She tried to make eye contact and conversation. I was trying to pass by as quickly as possible without making eye contact, but it was as if a magnet was pulling me towards that table, and before I knew it, I was talking to the woman and the next thing I remember was her offering to pray with me in a private room and I said, "yes".  The moment that I said, "yes", it felt like a huge weight came off of my shoulders. I really don’t recall all of her prayer or all that she said, (nor even her name), but I remember crying and sobbing like never before.  I released every emotion I kept hidden under my rug for many years.  As she hugged me, she stroked my hair, and kept praying over me. When I left the room to return to the event, I felt like a new woman.  It was the first time I had felt like my scarlet cord of guilt, shame, and fear, was actually turning into a scarlet cord of HOPE! I had been carrying the guilt and shame for over twenty years!

That was the beginning of healing for me in this area and the beginning of learning how to accept Gods forgiveness, forgive others, and forgive myself.  It was not something that happened overnight. It's been a process. One day at a time, one moment at a time.

 I have shared a personal story with you, so that you could see, that the moment you become pregnant, while you have a choice, the choice stays with you, whether you choose abortion, adoption, or to keep the baby.  Abortion may stop the heart beat and life, but it doesn't erase the situation, the emotions, or the memory. I  know there are many women (and men) who are living in the bondage of guilt and shame for their choice in abortion.

The state of TN has passed a law stating it is now illegal to force or coerce a woman or girl into abortion.  While some women or girls may go along with the idea out of fear, guilt, or the over whelming feeling that there is no other option, I can tell you there is.  There is help and there is hope.

If you are in a situation where you are pregnant and need a friend to talk things through or if you chose abortion (whether for yourself or encouraged someone else) and need a friend to walk towards that journey of forgiveness, hope, and healing, please email me Sheryl@SherylGriffin.com and I will pray for you, encourage you, and connect you with those who can truly help you walk in HOPE.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit   Romans 15:13

My Faith Is Bigger Than My Fears

My faith is bigger than my fears seems to be my mantra lately.  I found myself saying this out loud when I  faced one of my fears...getting lost on the freeway (aka highway or interstate). I brought the GPS and had  printed directions from Mapquest. For some unknown reason, my GPS was not getting any signal what so ever, that day, so it was no help at all.  I was on my way to a very important event.

I ended up getting confused and missed my exit. I panicked at first, but then with the help of my husband, over the phone, I was able to get back on track and even got to the event on time!. Before I got back on track though, I will confess I was scared.  As I was trying to figure out where I was, I had pulled off the freeway and some how entered into a neighborhood where each home was surrounded by a chain link fence and almost every home, had a large ferocious looking dog in the yard.  It was not a friendly looking neighborhood. My son was with me and I knew I needed to stay in control, so I had to talk myself out of my fear...I started saying, "MY FAITH IS BIGGER THAN MY FEAR", over and over.  Eventually, as I mentioned, we found our way to the event and even managed to get there a few minutes before the event took place. 

I am finding myself saying my new phrase a lot lately; My faith is bigger than my fears.....A few weeks ago a friend's (adult) daughter was held up at gun point and robbed.  In the day time. In a public place. Surrounded by lots of other people.  They were in a restaurant and two armed men entered and one put a shot gun in my friends daughters back, and the other man put a gun to her friends head and said, "give me your purse and your wallet".  I do not know all of the details, but I do know they both gave them what they wanted. They are both ok and were not physically harmed.

Another recent story happened just the other day.  A friend of mine was leaving a public place, in the day light, and other people were around, when a man quickly approached her, knocked her down, punched her repeatedly in the face, and then took her phone.  Her phone was in her hand.  She also had her purse and laptop (in a case) in her other hand.  It almost seemed as if his whole intent was to cause her physical harm and then grabbed her phone as a "trophy".  She is recovering now with bruises and a fracture on her face.  Prayerfully the fracture will heal properly, so she wont have to have surgery to repair it.

MY FAITH IS BIGGER THAN MY FEARS

My mind and body can go into instant fear mode when I hear these stories, especially when its with someone I know.  I had to find something "positive". I realized the story with my friends daughter, they reacted the way you should, if you are ever held at gun point; give them what they want.  Supposedly, once they have what they want, they flee quickly.  The only time you are supposed to resist is if the person tries to take you some where.  That is when you fight, yell, scream, do whatever you have do, to call attention to the situation.  The sad reality is if they take you away, you have a greater chance of not returning.  The other "positive lesson" is to make sure I know exactly what is in my wallet.  Have a copy of every card in your wallet (front and back).  In the other story the "positive lesson"  I can take away is to always be alert when I am coming and going. It's trying to find the balance of not giving into being paranoid and suspicious of every stranger, but being alert, making eye contact, don't be distracted, and if you are caught in that situation where someone is physically  harming you,  fight back as hard as you can and yell as loud as you can.

MY FAITH IS BIGGER THAN MY FEARS

Just thinking about these story raises my anxiety level.  As someone who has ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) and panic/anxiety it is like hearing the story a little bit louder than it was told, and then replaying it several times in my head, verses a person without ptsd and panic/anxiety, they hear it at normal level and only one time. They have the choice to move on.  I don't.  At least, not right away.  After I hear the story I tend to think about my loved ones or myself in that same scenario.  How would I react.  I have to catch myself as I can have the entire "script" written out before I realize what I am doing.  Its an old pattern of "comfort" to me.  As someone who has alcoholic parents and has also been in an abusive marriage, part of my coping mechanism was to try to stay one step ahead....plan out how any given scenario may go, so that I can be prepared for any outcome, especially one in which I must protect myself or someone I love.  Always on guard. Always trying to think ahead.  Preparing for the worst (in my head).  I must tell you that by God's grace, the scripts I play out in my head, they usually never happen.  I honestly wasn't even aware I did this until after my diagnosis.  Now I am aware and can catch myself, but sometimes I find myself easing into old patterns and that is when I must say out loud....MY FAITH IS BIGGER THAN MY FEARS.

I work hard at finding a balance of living in this fallen sinful world.  There will always be crime.  There will always be someone who is waiting to steal, kill, or destroy (1Peter 5:8), but the balance is not giving "them" the power or control.  Being wise and alert but not giving in to the fear.

I encourage you if you find yourself in a situation where your fear is controlling you, repeat out loud..........

MY FAITH IS BIGGER THAN MY FEARS

 

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.  In God whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid.  What can mere man do to me?  Psalm 56:3-4