A Scarlet Cord of Hope

The Void in My Heart

2012-01-23T17:15:00.011-06:00

How do you fill a void in your in heart when you thought you filled it. Something triggers you to make you realize you only filled the void with sand. The sand has slowly been drifting away and the void is now visible to you, once again. The definition of the word void, according the Dictionary.com, is without contents; empty.

The void I am talking about is the absence of a relationship with my mother. I realized years ago that even when we had a relationship; we really didn't. I have gone through a grieving process in this relationship. I have grieved the relationship I always desired. I have grieved for the loss of the relationship we did have. I have grieved the loss of who she is and who I wish she was. I've grieved the loss of who I am and who she wanted me to be. I have grieved the loss of my childhood with her. I thought I was done. I don't mean to sound harsh or mean. I just meant that I thought once I accepted these things and moved forward that my void would fill up and I would never feel the sadness or emptiness I do when I think of my mom.

I realize now that allowing yourself to grieve the loss of a relationship whether by death, divorce, boundaries, or choices, that doesn't mean it's some how erased from your heart and mind. Because my heart lives for hope, I still have hope that someday my mother and I can be reconciled. I have no idea what that could even look like and it's in my best interest not to try to create a possible plan, because then I am in control and I set myself up for disappointment.

God created us with needs and He created us to crave relationships. We especially crave relationship, acceptance, and encouragement from our parents. If you feel you have a void in your heart whether it's a parent, spouse, or friend situation, there are many ways to fill the voids in our hearts You can chooses to numb your void with alcohol, drug abuse, or food addictions. You can choose to cover up your void with bad relationship choices. You also have the choice to face the grief and the truth about the situation. Unfortunately, there really isn't an easy way out because, if you choose substance abuse or other relationships, it still doesn't solve the issue at hand. It covers it up and continues to add layers upon layers. It's in your best interest to face your grief so you can move forward in a healthy manner.

I have realized that while my heart desires a loving nurturing mother in my life, God has placed women in my life who are loving and nurturing. Some of these women are my age, some are older, and some are younger. Some have been in my life for many years, some were only in my life for short seasons, and some have touched my life without even realizing it. When I take the focus off of "me" and I look around at the people who surround me, I realize that while I miss having a nurturing loving relationship with my mother, I do have more than what any mother could possibly provide as one person, by the many many women that God has intentionally placed in my life.

Because I am human I will always have a spot in my heart with grief for my mother, however, it doesn't have to be a main focus in my life. It doesn't define me. It doesn't complete me. It doesn't have to be a void. I accept I will always have a want for the mother relationship my heart desire, but I wont allow it to blind me from the gifts that God has placed in my life with other women who choose to listen to me, encourage me, hope for me, love me, speak boldly to me -when needed, teach me, share with me, and continually spur me on to do the next right thing!

If you are feeling a void in your life due to the loss of a relationship, I want to encourage you to prayerfully consider those who God has placed in your path and stop allowing the "void" so much power and control over you, your day, your choices, and your life.

Ignorance Is NOT Bliss....

2011-12-20T14:30:00.002-06:00

Why is it easier to stick our head in the sand and ignore the reality of what's going on right in front of us? There are usually a variety of reasons and concerns to this question, however, I believe the real reason lies within Genesis chapter three, specifically verses 8-11.

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?" He said, "I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked ;so I hid myself." And He said, "Who told you that you were naked ? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat ?"

It boils down to sin nature! The serpent knew exactly what he was doing and how thousands of years later we would still struggle with facing issues that make us uncomfortable. It's much easier to continue to sweep it under the rug, blame someone else, ignore the issue at hand fooling yourself: it's not that bad.

The past several years since my diagnosis of ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) and panic/anxiety I have fought earnestly to pull everything out from under the rug. I work daily at not putting anything back. Sometimes it's a struggle, but I also know the power and beauty of living a life of freedom. I am no longer bound by the fear, that whether you want it or not, accompanies intentional ignorance and putting things under the rug. While facing things that make me uncomfortable is still not an easy or desirable task, I now know the difference. I have tasted and seen and no longer desire the constant bitter taste that I once became accustomed to.

This freedom is available to you as well. We must first acknowledge and slowly begin to pull everything out that we worked so hard to shove under the rug. It's not about blaming anyone or heaping guilt upon yourself. It's merely an exercise of acknowledgment. Once you start to do this then you can move into deeper areas; the root cause....what was really going on that caused you to put it under the rug or ignore in the first place. From there you begin the heart work of not allowing yourself to get back into your comfort zone of ignorance and hiding.This is also a faith issue. We must hold tight that we know God WILL use all things for His glory.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Once we begin to see that ignorance and hiding are a tool of the enemy to keep us in bondage, something he started with Adam and Eve, we can begin to work at not falling into his trap.

Live your life with HOPE. It's time to stop living in guilt, shame, and fear. Embrace the freedom Christ has given us to face whatever lies in front of us, no matter the significance of the situation, nor the size or complication or even the consequences. We are promised we are not alone!

He Himself has said, "I will never desert you nor will I forsake you," so that we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid, what will man do to me? " Hebrews 13:5-6

Celebrating the Christmas Season

2011-11-29T13:05:00.003-06:00

I love the Christmas season and all that it brings. I enjoy the changein weather and the occasional snow day we get. I look forward to getting all ofour Christmas decorations out and decorating the tree, as well as, the house. Iappreciate seeing Christmas lights on night walks or drives. I savor the smellof Christmas goodies baking in the oven and the smell of Christmas trees. Irelish receiving Christmas cards, family newsletters, and photos. I am alsofond of Christmas music; however, I only want to listen to it the day afterThanksgiving and up to December 26th, then I am ready to return to my every daymusic.

Christmas is also the season, when we as a family, celebrate Christ's birth,even though we know, He wasn't born on December 25th or in a wintermonth. Years ago, as a young mother, I went back and forth on the Santatradition and decided that while I could not ignore "him" as he isall over the place this time of year, that I could acknowledge him as a part ofthe holiday season, however, I chose to put my main focus on Christ.

In our home, we celebrate with things such as a tree and gifts and onoccasion I have baked a Happy Birthday Jesus cake in honor of His birth(not saying it's His actual birthday). We watch movies, bake, and participatein buying gifts for those in need. We focus on quality family time. We also use the season to reflect onChrist's birth, life, purpose, death, and resurrection.

As I was preparing this blog, a friend of mine posted a similar blog and Iwant to share her thoughts with you, click hereto read Carey Scott's blog, Making Him the Reason. Maybe you are on thefence on how to celebrate this season or possibly you don't enjoy the Christmastraditions and it may help you find a new way to enjoy the season andcelebrate. Or maybe you will completely disagree with our blogging thoughts onChristmas celebrations and that is ok. There is beauty in choices andknowing we are not tied down to one specific way or another to celebrate theseason. There is freedom in Christ and He knows our hearts andmotives. However you choose to celebrate Christmas I pray you find thepeace and joy that Christ has for you all year round.

For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest onHis shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

Prayer

2011-11-15T13:20:00.005-06:00

I recently recieved an urgent prayer request from a family member who said they could not go into specifics right now, but they were requesting prayer. I know that it's not important for me to know what the prayer is about in order for me to pray, however, when it comes to family, it does cause a little more anxiety when you don't know exactly what you are praying for. It turned out, it was in deed, a big prayer request, and it was not complelty answered the way the family member wanted, however, it was also not as bad as they anticipated either. So, in other words, we are still praying and hoping for God's will and intervention in this situation. We are also very grateful that it was not the worst case scenario.

As I was thinking about prayer, I realized something, prayer is not a means to change God's will, plan, or His purpose. Prayer is a tool to draw us nearer to Him. It's a form of communication between us and the Father. Since we do not know God's perfect will for each prayer request that we pray, our faith must be strong enough to carry us, even when God's will is not the same as our will (desire).

If we are praying and seeking God, no matter what His will, purpose, or plan is, with a pure heart, He will give us the strength, courage, wisdom, discernment, and comfort we need with each prayer request.

We are not promised a life without trials, tribulations, grief, tests, or sorrows. We ARE promised if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us.

James 4:8 a Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

We Are Not Promised Tomorrow But We Do Have Today...

2011-11-15T10:35:00.000-06:00

If you have been following my blog or have read my book, A Scarlet Cord of Hope, you know when you read something I have written it is a topic that has touched me deeply in some form or another. While I have a great imagination, when it comes to creative fiction, I struggle to write on topics that I have not connected with or topics that have not affected me emotionally. There is something within me that needs to write truth, emotion, or real tangible hope.

I write to express myself, I write to encourage, I write to find hope, I write to help process my thoughts, memories, or feelings in my head and heart.

Today I write because I have been deeply touched by a woman I have never met nor even knew she existed. Her life and legacy has impacted me and I only wish I had the opportunity to know her. I do, however, look forward to knowing her in heaven someday.

The woman I am talking about is Denai Downs Vaughn. She recently died in a car accident on Monday November 7, 2011. She was 37 years old. She leaves behind a husband and six year old daughter. What is incredible about her story is that she created a video blog talking about how we are not promised tomorrow, but we do have today, this aired the day she died, November 7, 2011.

I have watched the video several times and each time my heart fills with sorrow for those who loved her and knew her well. However, she is a woman who lived what she believed. Her faith and trust in God, salvation, and eternity is real. While she is reaching out to us to live for today and keep our priority's in tact, she has no idea she is living out her own words.

"We are not promised tomorrow, but we do have today".

Here is the link to her Video

Here is her memorial Facebook Page

Samaria and the HOPE That is Still Alive!

2011-11-02T14:15:00.000-05:00

On my recent trip to Israel one of the areas we went to was Samaria. I was looking forward to going here and had hopes of meeting a Samaritan women. Have you ever found yourself envisioning what you think a place will look like and you get there only to discover it looks nothing like you had imagined. That was my experience with Samaria. Samaria is a small town. The population is only 750. Most of the homes and buildings are very old. The city was littered with debris and trash here and there. Samaritan's believe Jesus was the Messiah, but they also believe another messiah (not Jesus) is coming back. They believe only in the Old Testament and read the five books of Moses. They still do animal sacrifices as payment for their sins. The sacrifice area is out in the open in the center of town.

Before we arrived in Samaria we had a lesson on the area and the people who are Samaritans. During our lesson I began to get a clearer picture of why Jews and Samaritans were not supposed to talk, marry, or worship with one another. There is a long standing history within Samaria. The part that has stuck with me has been how Samaritans became Samaritans. The Israelites made a covenant with God stating what they would and would not do. They broke this covenant over and over, knowing there would consequences.

One of the consequences was that the Lord allowed the Assyrian's to conqueror the Israelites (Jews) in Samaria. The Assyrians hated the Jewish people and were willing to do anything they could to get rid of the Jews. They knew it would be impossible to kill every Jew, so they decided to corrupt their blood line. They captured Jewish men in Samaria and took them to their homeland in Northern Iraq making them slaves. They relocated Assyrian men to take their place. They broke up families and forced women to marry Assyrian men. The women had no choice, as they were unable to care for themselves at this point in history. Thus, corrupting the blood line making the next generation mixed- half Jewish half Assyrian. This created a division between the full Jewish population and the now half Jewish population

When we make a covenant and then we break it, we never know how far down the line our broken promise will affect generation to generation. I know that God doesn't allow things to happen that He doesn't know about. God uses everything for His purpose and glory. Sometimes we may not see this for years and years and maybe we wont even be alive when the end result is played out, however, that is where faith must come in.

There was more significance to Jesus speaking to the Samaritan woman at the well than we realize. During this time there was division and tension between the Jews and the Samaritans. For Jesus (a Jew) to speak to the (Samaritan) women was a big deal, however, speaking to the woman was not as significant as the location, and the fact that this was the first time that Jesus proclaimed He was the Messiah out loud. The area where Jacobs Well is located is the same location where God appeared to Abram and made three powerful promises (Genesis 12:1-3). Abram built a memorial alter to commemorate these promises. Jacob later purchased the land and built his own memorial alter and dug a well to serve those who came to worship.The well was still in use (and still is) at the time of Jesus and the Samaritan womens conversation (John 4:6). The area where the well is located is where Moses read the law of God to the people (Deuteronomy chapter 27 & 28, Joshua 8:30-35). Given all of the historical events that took place at this site it is no coincidence that Jesus pronounced His messianic identity here. And when He did, He did it to a Samaritan woman.

This is our HOPE! Even when the Israelite's broke their covenant with God and suffered consequences, there was redemption. Many years and events went on before this happens, however, our concept of time and justice can not compare to God's purpose and plans. God is intentional with everything. We may have to dig a little deeper to see the whole picture. We may have to allow our faith to stand in the gap of time, but there is always HOPE!

ps While we were in Samaria I did not get to meet a Samaritan woman, however, I did meet a Samaritan man and that is who is in the picture with me.

Choices and Hope

2011-11-02T11:00:00.001-05:00

Our church youth group recently partnered with My Own Backyard, a ministry that was founded by Kathleen Murphy. She is a woman who has a passion about serving near and far with a focus on "her own backyard". She, along with Michele Hazelip, from Front Porch Ministries, organize an event called, HallaBooya, for the Nashville community. This event was created to give the kids in this area something positive and fun to look forward to near October 31st. The past two years we have made it a family event to serve. My husband brings his DJ equipment and plays music, while our son and I serve where we are needed. I had the opportunity to work the sign in table. Mrs. G, who is one of the mom's that Front Porch serves, wanted to help me. As the evening progressed, we shared our testimony's with one another. I also saw her interact with the kids who came to this event. This area is known to be riddled with gangs and drugs. There were three teenage boys that she saw walking around, she called them by name and asked how they were doing. She already knew they had been in trouble. According to Mrs. G, these boys, were not in a gang, but one of the boys seemed to be sitting on the fence. She asked each boy, how it felt to get in trouble and what were they were willing to do differently. Two of the boys looked at the ground and said they didn't like being in trouble, the one who is "playing with fire," according to Mrs. G. said, " I don't really care, it don't bother me none". She went on to tell them they have a lot to live for and that gangs can't take care of their needs and that the Lord is good and saved her, so she knows He can save them. She also told them she cared about them and invited them to come see her sometime.

Mrs. G is a woman who knows what drugs and running the streets can do to you. She is 54 years old, and most of her life was spent on the streets doing drugs and making wrong choices. She has numerous health issues and has had several marriages. She is the mother of four kids, and the "baby", is a teenage girl. She is trying desperately to protect her from the things she is surrounded by; drugs, alcohol, sex, and gangs. Through out the night I saw her talking to several kids, asking them how they are doing and reminding them how good life can be. She told me she knows most of the kids tune her out, but her prayer is that seeds are being planted within their hearts and minds. She hopes they will remember to reflect how they feel when they make good choices, as well as, the not so good choices, all the while, holding onto the HOPE that is there when we repent and make deliberate choices to change.

This is good advice, no matter where we live; if we live in a mansion, in the middle class suburbs, or in a neighborhood filled with gangs and violence, we have choices and we need to remember there is always HOPE!

Shepherds and Hirelings

2011-10-25T11:00:00.003-05:00

It has almost been three weeks since my return from Israel. It was an experience of a lifetime. As I reflect through my notes and photographs I am in awe of all that I experienced. I have many things I want to share with you.

One moment in particular, that touched me deeply and has given me a deeper appreciation and love for my husband, is a lesson we had on September 29, 2011, we were sitting in the Ephraim field. This is an area where Joseph and Mary would have passed through on their way to Bethlehem. Dr. Jim Martin, our professor and guide, began our discussion with the history of marriage contracts; specifically the betrothal between Joesph and Mary. This led into another conversation about Shepherds and Hirelings and the scripture passage of John 10:11-18.

The role of a Shepherd is not one to be taken lightly, similar to the role of a husband. Shepherds spend quality time with their sheep. They make sure that the sheep know their voice and they develop a deep sense of trust with their Shepherd. Shepherds create a sense of belonging for the sheep. Shepherds make sure all of the needs of the sheep are met (food, shelter, and protection). Shepherds affirm and encourage their sheep. Shepherds lead by example. A Shepherd is willing to place his life in the face of danger to protect his sheep. A Shepherd does whatever it takes to keep the sheep from getting lost, stolen, or eaten by prey. A Shepherd is consistent and always has the sheep's best interest in mind.

The role of a Hireling is stay at the back of the fold and keep the sheep from wandering. Often, to keep the sheep moving along and inside the fold, the Hireling will throw stones at the sheep. This keeps the sheep from connecting with the Hireling, as they never know what his motive is. To the Hireling it is simply a job that he has to do. He doesn't give love and affection to the sheep because he is not emotionally invested in them. Sheep see the Hireling as aggressive and dominate. They do not trust that the Hireling will consistently protect them. The sheep instinctively know that the Hireling does not have their best interest in his mind and heart.

As our discussion continued I began to cry, as I realized in my attempt to find a solution for all of the guilt, shame, and fear that I had early on in my life, that my first marriage was the choice of a Hireling and my second marriage is to a Shepherd. I am grateful that my husband loves me. I know his voice. I know his motives. I know he is always looking out for my (and our family's) best interest. I appreciate how he makes sure all of my needs are met. He encourages and supports me and leads by example. My shepherd, my husband, loves me well and I do not have to second guess his motives.

*the photo was taken in Jerusalem...it is a Shepherd leading his sheep

Israel Bound!

2011-09-23T14:00:00.009-05:00

It is hard to believe that the day is almost here! I leave tomorrow (Saturday September 24th) for Israel! I remember when I *knew* I was going. I have known for a while I would go to Israel, however, I had no idea it would this year. I was meeting with my Women's Ministry Director about my speaking ministry and she said, "you know, I feel strongly that every person who represents the Gospel and shares their testimony or speaks, should at some point, go to Israel." I recall nodding my head in agreement and thinking, I agree and I hope to go someday. Then she continued talking about the trip and as she began detailing the trip as a Biblical Study program and not a tourist trip, my heart began to beat fast. I asked a few questions and the next thing I know my heart was racing and I KNEW I was supposed to go on this trip. We agreed I would go home and discuss it with my husband and pray about it.

It seemed impossible for me to go right now. Financially we didn't have the money needed and there were other details to work out. Little by little the Lord began to open the door of peace for my husband and me and we both knew I was supposed to go. I knew the money would a faith issue for us.

I mentioned the trip to one of my best friends and thought how amazing it would be to take this spiritual journey with her. She was excited and agreed to pray. We talked a few days later and she said she thought the answer was a "no". I felt in my heart she was supposed to go and I said so to her. She said she felt it as well, but she could not see a way to come up with the finances. We agreed to pray more and seek God's will. A few days later she called me and said, "I am going!" I screamed with excitement so loud that I am sure the entire neighborhood heard me!

As the Lord always does; He provided every penny for her and me. Not necessarily in the ways we expected, but none the less, He provided.

Our group of twenty will be venturing to Israel September 24-October 7th.

Please keep us and our families in your prayers. I will add the note and itinerary I posted on Facebook below. I will do my best to update my Facebook. When I return,I hope to have many stories and photos to share with you.

Thank you for taking time to read this. I genuinely appreciate your prayers!

There is always HOPE!

here is the letter & itinerary

Hello friends and family!

I have been participating in a nine month Biblical Study Program that ends with a two week stay in Israel! I will be gone 9/24/11-10/07/11.

I am asking for prayer as I travel and also for my husband and son as they will be home. I will post day to day on fb and post a few photos when possible. I look forward to writing about my experience and posting all photos when I return!

Here is the itinerary: (*each day is a FULL day event and includes lots of walking)

Day 1 9/24 Depart USA (13 hr flight)

Day 2 9/25 Arrive Tel Aviv travel to Jerusalem

Day 3 9/26 Theme: Ancient Jerusalem: explore ancient Jerusalem of Abraham through Nehemiah, Temple Mount excavations, City of David excavations, Western Wall, Kidron and Hinnom Valley

Day 4   9/27 Theme: The House of David: Travel to Hebron to visit Machpelah and discuss burial site of the patriarchs and early capital of David. Then continue to Herodium, Shepherds Field, and Bethlehem as we focus on the birth of Jesus in fulfillment of the promises to David

Day 5   9/28   Theme: Palm Sunday, Passover, and Trials: A morning walk to the Mount of Olives from Bethany to the Kidron Valley will provide the context for understanding the raising of Lazarus and Palm Sunday. The afternoon journey will concentrate on the crucifixion and resurrection of our Lord as we visit the Holy Sepulcher and Garden Tomb

Day 6   9/29 Theme: Joshua and the Conquest: Travel to Jericho, Shilo, Jacobs Well, and Mt. Gerizim as we study Joshua's entrance into the Promised Land

Day 7 9/30 Theme: Exodus   An investigation of the Biblical events and places in the Negev and Wilderness of Zin which were significant to the Exodus

Day 8 10/1 Theme: Joshua, Judges, and Kings: An investigation of the Biblical events and places in the Shephelah of Judah which were significant to Joshua, Judges, and Kings. Special emphasis will be placed on Biblical activities which occurred at Jericho, Gibeon, Bet-Sheesh (Samson), and Elah Valley (David and Goliath)

Day 9 10/2 Theme: The Place of Refuge: The wilderness of Judah functions as a place of defense and refuge. Visits to Masada, Ein Gedi and Qumran

Day 10 10/3 Theme: The Northern Regions: Biblical events which occurred in the Golan Heights and upper Galilee Regions will be discussed and we will examine places as Gamla, Caesarea, Philippi, and Dan

Day 11   10/4 Theme: Galilee of the Nations: Travel through Jezreel Valley to sites including Beth Shan, Mount Gilboa (Gideon), Mount Moreh (Elisha) and Mount Tabor (Deborah) and Nazareth

Day 12   10/5 Theme: Jesus and the Sea of Galilee Taking the boat across the Sea of Galilee will set the stage as we prepare for a thorough understanding of the sites and activities related to ministry of Jesus around the sea. Capernaum, Chorazin, Magdala and Arbel Cliffs will be visited

Day 13 10/6 Theme: International Coastal Highway: Investigation of Biblical events significant to the international coastal highway. Specific points of inquiry will be at Megiddo and Caesrea Maritma.....prepare for travel to airport to return to USA (13 hr flight)

Day 14 10/7 Return to USA hug and kiss my family!

*we will also be going to the Jordan River and will have the opportunity to be baptized-not sure which day yet

Fear

2011-08-24T17:00:00.010-05:00

I have worked hard to become aware and undo particular patterns in my life that are not healthy, honoring God, or helping me in any way. One of the biggest patterns I have tried to deal with. is the pattern of feeling fear, and then trying to out smart or be one step ahead of, whatever or whomever, I am fearful of. It's not a faith issue for me; its a control issue. I have faith. I know God is bigger than anyone or anything that I could ever fear. I live my life trusting in God's perfect will for me. I realize this sounds contradictory, all I can say is...imagine walking in my shoes!

I have learned that this particular pattern within me started in my childhood and continued persuasively into my first marriage. I do not blame anyone, however, when you combine alcoholic parents, divorce, and dysfunction, etc, into the heart and mind of a five year old, it sets the stage. Then years later you combine a marriage that was riddled with emotional, verbal, and physical abuse; you create ways to cope with your fears. You try to be one step ahead of your fear. You try to figure out the best way to pacify someone who may be angry (not necessarily at you, but, you feel the wrath anyway), you walk on egg shells (and hope that the noise doesn't irritate someone), you may even find yourself agreeing with something that you do not agree with, simply out of fear, or you wont confront a liar with the truth, because you know if you do, it will make the liar more mad to be confronted with things they are not ready to acknowledge or confess. So, you search for a safety net in your mind. That safety net is a "plan" that has many different scenarios and endings so that you are prepared for anything.

I know there is fine line in using wisdom and making a plan, however, I confess I have wasted a lot of time and energy with worry, second guessing, and wishing I could control certain responses, words, or behavior from others.

These patterns of fear and planning usually stem from a person or situation that I wish I could control. Maybe it's someone who is bullying my child, maybe it's a family member that I love and care about, but has no interest in the truth, hope, or healing, maybe it's someone that I know has anger issues, maybe it's someone who has proven loud and clear by their actions that they are not trustworthy, maybe one of my children are sick, maybe I catch someone in a lie. This list can go on and on, as this pattern was deeply rooted within me.

Now that I am aware of this pattern I am able to catch myself and stop before I allow too much time and energy into my fear. I really don't like that I do this, however, now that I am aware I am able to focus on the issue in a healthier way. I am learning to not be a afraid of fear itself. Every now and then a situation arises and I see how easy it is for me to step into the well worn patterns of my life. Once I recognize this I immediately pray and ask God to help me see the situation for what it is and not what I feel it is. I have to be aware and catch my thoughts.

I have grown a lot in this area. I know that I am not where I was,.however, I know I still have room for more growth. It is one day at a time, one moment at a time, there is always HOPE!

Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3-4

Burdens

2011-08-09T11:00:00.011-05:00

I recently read a story and I want to share it with you. I am not sure who wrote it; however, it goes along with yesterday's blog, Suitcases.

Put the Glass Down

There is a story about a professor who is presenting a lecture on stress management to his students. He raised a glass of water and asked the class, "How heavy do you think this glass of water is?" The students guessed about six ounces. "It doesn't matter what the absolute weight is. It depends on how long you hold it," the professor replied. "If I hold it for a minute, it is OK. If I hold it for an hour, my arm will start to ache. If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance. It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it the heavier it becomes."

If you carry your burdens all the time, sooner or later, you will not be able to carry on; the burden will be too heavy. What you have to do is put the glass down and rest for a while before holding it up again. You have to put the burdens down from time to time, so that you can be refreshed and able to carry on. Whatever burden you are carrying on your shoulders, let it down. Take a rest. If you must, you can pick it up again later when you have rested. Rest and relax. ~Author unknown

**All too often, in my life, it has appeared easier to continue to carry my burdens If I lay them down, then I am exposed, I lose control, I am not protected, I am vulnerable, and sometimes I think to myself, I deserve to carry these burdens. However, I have learned those "reasons" are really lies! I am exposed ,but only to the grace, mercy, and forgiveness that Christ offers. I was never in control in the first place...and quite honestly, I prefer God being in control. I am more than protected! I am only vulnerable to God's plan and purpose; there is nothing to fear there. Every single person in the world deserves to carry their burdens, however, the GOOD NEWS is Christ lived, died, and rose again, so that I can have a clean slate and know that I deserve all that He promises (and that goes for you as well!-there are no exceptions).

Lay your burdens down and let the love of Christ replace the heaviness within your heart!

There is ALWAYS hope!

Suitcases

2011-08-08T09:00:00.015-05:00

Have you heard the new song by Dara Maclean; Suitcases from her album You Got My Attention? It has a powerful message and I love her voice. We all have baggage, however, we have the choice to keep holding the baggage and letting it weigh us down or we can choose to put it down and move forward in grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Stop believing the lies that you are not worthy because YOU ARE! If you are like me, you hold tightly to the suitcases in your life, and with every choice, memory, or situation, you add more baggage to your suitcase . Your suitcase continues to get fuller and heavier. If your lucky enough, maybe your suitcases have wheels, keep in mind, it's only a matter of time, and the wheels will break and you will be forced to carry it or drag it around. There is freedom and hope in letting go! It takes courage to lay your suitcase down and unpack, however, once you unpack it, you will never have to unpack it again!

It's time to stop carrying our baggage and embrace the freedom and forgiveness that is in front of us!

THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!

Click here to listen

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Suitcases

How can you move when they’re weighing you down
What can you do when you’re tied to the ground, yeah
You carry your burdens, heavy like gravity
Just let them go now, there’s freedom in release

You can’t run when you’re holding suitcases
It’s a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don’t have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There’s a better way when you know you’re forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don’t have to be afraid

Can you imagine what it’s like to be free
Well, send those bags packing, they’re not what you need
Abandon your troubles on the side of the street
Just let them go now, believe me

You can’t run when you’re holding suitcases
It’s a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don’t have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There’s a better way when you know you’re forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don’t have to be afraid

There’s nothing hold you back now, just run

You can’t run when you’re holding suitcases
It’s a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don’t have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There’s a better way when you know you’re forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don’t have to be
You don’t have to be afraid

31 Days of Hope Day 31

2011-07-31T05:00:00.194-05:00

My heart is full and I am very grateful for YOU! Thank you for following me for these past 31 days! It started off as a challenge and ended up being more than a blessing. I have been encouraged, inspired, overwhelmed (in a good way), humbled, and giddy, all within this month! I know I wont be able to keep up the daily blog, however, I will be blogging more often than I was before. I hope you take advantage of signing up for the email list, this will enable you to receive any blogs I write automatically to your email.. The sign up box is located on the right side. I also invite you to sign up for the monthly E Newsletter. It is filled with hope, encouragement, prayer requests, special guests, prizes, and more! To sign up, simply email me your email address and tell me you want to be signed up!

For our last day together I wanted to highlight the different blogs through out the past month to remind you that: there is always HOPE!. As long as we have breathe there IS hope! We must never give up! We must press forward and move towards hope.

1. You are not forgotten! (I am Not Forgotten song)

2.There is hope in friendships, prayers, and marriage

3. Repentance and forgiveness hold the key to hope Forgiven by Sanctus Real

4. God desires our heart and not our routine

5. Pray that we don't have a "Jonah" attitude-there is hope in listening to the Lord and obeying

6. To get to the hope of a matter, we have to be willing to keep our faith on firmly. Even when circumstances tell us differently. Even when we can't see it. Even when we don't feel it. Even when all evidence suggests the opposite.

7. Yesterday does not define us! There is always HOPE for a new legacy! Family Tree by Matthew West

8. We ARE worthy! We can accept God's grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

9. Be aware of the whispers of the enemy. Those whispers contain lies. Put your faith in the HOPE of the truth!

10. We know what God has promised! Click here to read the poem

11. I am the contractor and I can choose the quality that goes into my relationship with Christ

12. Among the fifteen things we learned that John Maxwell believes about HOPE, I love number fifteen the most: "Hope gives us the strength and the courage we need to make the most of life."

13. We can learn from Jesus' example and his meeting with the woman at the well: Jesus never ignored red flag, put things under the rug, and He doesn't take responsibility for other peoples choices and behaviors-He spoke love in truth.... (While He died for our sins -we still have free will to choose)

14. Guilt, shame, and fear surround hope and strive to keep hopelessness alive

15. A highlight of the other 31 Days bloggers! Click here to read

16. "Don't allow yourself to be a stumbling block towards Jesus"....whether its our clothing, behaviors, or choices

17. H is for healing...

18. O is for over analyzing

19. P is for persevere

20. E is for euphoria

21.We need to see the glass as half full and ask ourselves the following questions:

A. How can you make sure this situation never happens again? Are you willing to do what needs to be done to ensure it doesn't?

B. What weakness did this storm reveal? (did you ignore red flags? did you act in your flesh? did you allow pride to get in the way? do you have a bigger issue/problem that needs to be addressed?)

C. Is your foundation strong and if there are any weak spots or cracks, where do you need to make repairs? And more importantly, what will you do to strengthen and repair weak spots and cracks?

22. God does not measure sin, we do and there is not anyone who exempt from HOPE!

23. To walk in full confidence (and hope) with the Lord we need to walk daily with Him; He desires a relationship with us

24. What kind of second hand legacy's are we handing down....lets choose to hand down HOPE!

25. Hopes and dreams for my baby...what are your hopes and dreams for your baby?

26. Psalm 32...repentance, forgiveness, and grace = HOPE

27. Joseph...a man of honor, integrity, and faith, is thrown into a pit (naked) and sold into slavery by his brothers

28. Joesph...continues to be a man of honor and integrity and full of confidence in the Lord...he is a man of HOPE, even in the face of false accusations, jail, and coming face to face many years later with his brothers

29. Even when we face trials and tribulations, even when we feel alone, or feel as if we have crossed the line one too many times, God promises to never leave nor forsake us. He loves you! I Loved You Then by 33 Miles

30. The real meaning of the Proverbs 31 woman

31. Today's review and reminder that there is always hope...even when it seems as if the world is screaming, "there is no hope!", we must not listen to the lies! If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, then my friend, hope is alive and will NEVER die! (if you have never accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and you want to, please email me and I will be happy to pray with you and give you more information)

I have been blessed beyond measure through this journey into 31 Days of Hope. Thank you for partnering with me. I look forward to hearing from you. Let's make a committment to KEEP HOPE ALIVE!

May God bless you and fill your heart with hope!

Love, Sheryl

31 Days of Hope Day 30

2011-07-30T05:00:00.268-05:00

If you are a woman, have you ever wondered what it would be like to step in the woman of Proverbs 31's shoes, for one day. If you are a man, have you ever desired to have a wife who embodies every aspect of the Proverbs 31 woman? My husband has often told me there is a Proverbs 32 woman, and he says this woman gives her husband massages all the time, needless to say, I have yet to find that verse or chapter! :)

Very early on in my Christian walk, I confess I felt intimidated by the Proverbs 31 woman. She was so perfect! She worked hard all day and stays up late doing more work, she gets up early, takes care of everyone's needs with barely a blink of the eye. She helps those in need; she doesn’t appear to worry about anything. She is wise beyond measure, she is beautiful, she makes all of her and her family’s clothes, and she embodies all of the character traits that we all desire (strength, dignity, peace, honor, joy, grace). She is also not afraid to grow old. Her children bless her, and her husband, well, he is blessed beyond measure, and he knows it!

It wasn't until several years ago, when I was on a mission trip to the Appalachia Mountains, that I understood Proverbs 31. We were going to be ministering to the children and women, as well as repairing some homes. I was asked to lead one of the Bible studies for the women. The Lord put Proverbs 31 on my heart. As I began to study and pray, a light came on: This woman isn't real! This is simply a mother’s wish for the type of woman she wants her son to marry. She was giving him her "hopes and dreams for her baby" (see my blog Day 25). She was trying to explain the importance of finding someone who has her priorities right, not necessarily someone who is perfect. Suddenly I saw the Proverbs 31woman in a different light. Instead of being intimidated by her amazing qualities, I saw it as an example to strive towards.

As I wrote each verse out, I commented next to the verse to help me see the bigger picture. I wanted to relate to the words of the mother. I wanted be able to apply Proverbs 31 to my life.

I will type out the verses and (BOLD) my comment about each verse.

Proverbs 31:10-31

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. (Valuable like a princess-like the daughter of the King!-and if you are female and have accepted Christ in your heart then you ARE a princess! and if you are a male and have accepted Christ you ARE a prince! )

The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. (She is a woman of integrity and she is trust worthy)

She looks for wool and flax And works with her hands in delight. (She is not lazy)

She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens. (She cares for her family's needs-she is not selfish)

She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. (She uses money wisely)

She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night. (She takes care of herself. She is confident)

She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle. (She uses her time wisely)

She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy. (She is compassionate)

She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet. (She prepares for the seasons and makes sure her family is ready for the harshness of the winter and the heat of the summer)

She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. (She takes care of herself; she dresses "nice"- she isn't frumpy or sloppy)

Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. (Her husband is respected- in other words the mother is reminding her son of his responsibilities as well)

She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen. (She uses her skills and talents-whether they are designing clothes, writing, teaching, administrating, accounting, etc)

Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future. (She has confidence and self esteem-she is not worried about growing old- she is willing to grow old gracefully)

She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. (She thinks before she speaks, she has a kind tone, she is not lazy)

Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all." (Her husband and children love and respect her. They appreciate all she does)

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates. (She puts God first in all she does. The key to her beautiful character is her spiritual life. She is a godly woman who fears the Lord)

There is HOPE in striving to be or looking for a Proverbs 31 woman. Proverbs 31 is not about perfection or unattainable qualities. It's more so about character traits and values that we all (men and women) should strive for in our lives. First and formost is the reminder to put God first in all that we do.

There is always HOPE!

31 Days of Hope Day 29

2011-07-29T05:00:00.049-05:00

Wow! Day 29! We have two more days on this journey of hope together. I hope you have had opportunity to visit the other 31 Days blogs (Victory, Freedom, Purpose, Wellness-Mind, Body & Spirit). I have truly appreciated the comments and encouragements you have taken time to send me. I have also been blessed to *meet* many new friends and I am grateful!

Today I want to give you HOPE in the form of a song. The words of this song speak to the never ending love that God has for YOU! It's also a reminder that we will face trials and tribulations, however, God will never leave nor forsake us, and His love never changes. Never let go of HOPE!

I Loved You Then
by 33 Miles

Click here to see the video

I Love You Then

Pain touches everyone
Heartache falls on every heart
And all of us go through the storm, it doesn’t matter who you are
And you’re up against the wind, and you feel you’ve lost your way
Listen to me say

I loved you then, I love you now
I will love you tomorrow
When this world breaks you down
I will give you strength to stand
Look to me, take my hand and just believe
Before this day ever began, I loved you then

Time changes everything,
Moments fly by like the wind
You can try to hold on so tight but you’ll never get time back again
You feel stuck with your mistakes, can’t turn anything around
And it seems there’s no way out

I loved you then, I love you now
I will love you tomorrow
When this world breaks you down
I will give you strength to stand
Look to me, take my hand and just believe
Before this day ever began, I loved you then

I won’t let you go, not even for a minute
So don’t lose hope
Pain touches everyone
Heartache falls on every heart

31 Days of Hope Day 28

2011-07-28T05:00:00.003-05:00

Thank you for joining us today for the conclusion of... Joesph's life

Once Joseph became a slave for Potipher he was originally in a good place. He was respected and treated well. That is, until Potipher's wife decided she wanted a little "lovin" from Joseph. Joesph was apparently a very good looking man and Mrs. Potipher had a major a case of lust and no boundaries. Joesph was a man of honor and integrity with boundaries. He continually rebuffed her advances, however, the last time she approached him she was able to grasp his garment and rip it as he fled from her. She then became angry at his refusal and turned the tables on him and told her husband he tried "to make sport" of her and showed him the ripped garment. Potipher chose to believe his wife and threw Joseph in jail, even though Joesph was well trusted and respected, even as a slave. Again, I have to wonder did he stick up for himself? Did he even try to defend himself or did he simply cling to hope and know God had a purpose and a plan?

Once in jail we know that scripture tells us the Lord was with him, so I have believe that is the hope that he felt. He knew the Lord would continually take care of him, no matter what the outwards circumstances were. While he was in jail he found favor with the guards and chief jailer. He ends up making friends with Pharaoh's chief cup bearer and chief baker (they had offended Pharaoh and were put into jail). Joseph ends up interpreting their dreams and tells them to please remember him when they are back in Pharaoh's graces. It is the first time that Joseph explains his situation and defends himself. And there does not seem to be bitterness or "entitlement" coming from his heart. I only hear his hope!

Just as the chief cup bearer and chief baker promised they did not forget Joesph. However, it didn't happen quickly, it took two years. I am not sure that I would still cling to hope as Joseph was....two years is a long time! Well, the day finally came as Pharaoh was perplexed by his dreams and no one was able to interpret them or help him, so the chief cup bearer told him how Joesph had interpreted his dream while he was in jail after he offended Pharaoh. Joseph was brought before Pharaoh and he told him of his dream. Joseph was able to interpret it and this allowed Pharaoh to make a plan with Josephs help, to prepare for the years of famine that were to come. He knew Joseph was a man of wisdom, integrity, and a that God had favor on him.

Pharaoh ends up making Joseph in charge of all of Egypt, saying no one will be higher than he, except Pharaoh himself. Pharaoh gave Joseph his signet ring, clothed him and gave him jewelry. He even gave him a Egyptian name and a wife!

Fast forward: the famine does come and low and behold Joesph's brothers come looking for food. Joseph's dream finally comes true after spending thirteen years in slavery and the long purposeful road he was on to become a high ruler, next to Pharaoh. He ultimately brings his entire family to live near him and he forgives his brothers. Pharaoh blesses his family with more than they could imagine. Joesph realizes God's will and purpose in everything he went through. He tells his brothers (45:5) And now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here: for God sent me before you to preserve your life. Seeing that verse convicts my heart; I am not sure I would be willing to have the same attitude, oh, how I pray I do though! Joesph never once doubted God. He never whined and complained. He trusted. He waited. He always clung to hope even when it seemed hopeless.

My hearts desire is to have that kind of solid hope. I also want the patience that Joseph had! I do believe and I do have faith and hope, however, I know my flesh is sometimes weak, so I must fill my mind and heart with God's word and focus on my relationship with Him. We must never lose hope!

One day at a time, one moment at a time, there is always hope!

31 Days of Hope Day 27

2011-07-27T05:00:00.436-05:00

Did you know the average person can live without air for three minutes, without water for three days, and without food for three weeks. How long do you think a person could live without hope? There have been countless stories in the news of people in unthinkable horrific situations that miraculously held onto hope and survived. Some how their hope gave them the courage to stay alive, doing whatever they needed to do to survive. Even though their situation looked as hopeless as hopeless could be, they remained hopeful in spite of what their outward circumstances were.

There are many examples of those holding onto hope in the Bible. Think of Joseph, his story is found in Genesis chapter thirty-seven through chapter forty-eight. Joseph was well loved by his father and hated by his brothers. The were jealous of him and made a plan to kill him. Then Reuben, the oldest brother, felt some sense of responsibility and conscious, so he encouraged his brothers that they should not take his life, instead he suggests, they throw him into the pit. So, they stripped him and put him in the pit. Then they sat down to eat a meal. When I think about this; to eat a meal would have entailed a lot of preparation and time. It wasn't like they brought sack lunches with them. So, as they are going about preparing and eating a meal, their brother is naked in a pit, they seem to carry on as if their brother isn't even there and this is just a normal day.

Sibling rivalry is nothing new, however, it seems rather evil to strip your brother and put him into a pit with no water, food, or hope of ever getting out. And then go and sit down to enjoy a meal together. They couldn't have been very far from the pit. I wonder...was Joseph yelling or screaming, HELP ME! SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE, as he stood in the pit, while they were causally eating? Do you think Joseph fought them as they stripped his clothes off and put him in the pit? Did he ask them why they were doing this to him? Did he try to run away? Or was Joesph afraid and intimidated by his older brothers and simply succumbed to what his brothers did, maybe he felt if he fought back or tried to bring attention to the situation, he would be in worse shape. Or maybe he was simply holding onto hope. The hope that the Lord gave him in his dream. The dream that showed him someday he would be over his brothers, as well as his parents, and they would bow down to him. Was he simply going along with his brothers knowing and trusting that hope was on the way and all he had to do was cling to it? (* later on in chapter 42:21-22 it does say Joseph pleaded with his brothers, yet they did not listen)

One of Joseph's brothers Judah, convinced the rest of the brothers it would be a better idea if they sold him to the Ishmaelites as a slave. The brothers agreed and along came some Ishmaelites and they pulled Joesph out of the pit and sold him for twenty shekels. I have to wonder if Joseph ever said anything or did he simply bow his head and go along with everything, courageously clinging to hope?

Some how the oldest brother who convinced them not to kill Joesph and to put him in the pit (apparently with the motive to go back for him later), he left and returned to find his brother missing from the pit. When he realized what his brothers had done, they decide to come up with the plan to say that Joseph was killed and they slaughter a male goat and put the blood on Joseph tunic (that they had stripped off of him) and took it the their father. Joesph's father believed Joesph had in deed been eaten by a wild animal and he tore his clothes and put on a sack cloth and mourned.

In the meantime the Ishmeleites took Joesph to Egypt and sold him to Potipher, who was Pharaohs Captain of body guards. Here again I have to wonder, did Joseph try to explain the situation to anyone? or was he simply trusting God that there was a plan a purpose in all of this? I will confess that even if I felt the Lord telling me a specific outcome for my future, if I were ambushed by my siblings, stripped and thrown in a pit then sold into slavery...I don't think I could do it quietly. My flesh would want everyone to know the truth. Especially since Josephs dream did not explain how he would get into the position of authority or that he would have to endure some serious trails before he got there. I guess that is why God choose Joseph. God knew Joseph had enough faith and hope to get him through the dark tunnel as he led him to the other side.

TO BE CONTINUED...Please tune in tomorrow to find out the conclusion of Joesph's life...how did Potipher treat Joesph as his slave? What word does Mrs. Potipher not like? and you wont believe what she does when she hears it! Find out what a cup bearer, a baker, jail, and dreams have in common with Joesph. You wont believe what Pharaoh does to Joesph! Will Joesph lose the hope he started off so strongly with? What becomes of the brothers who betrayed him? Tune in tomorrow to find out!

Until then remember....There is always HOPE!

31 Days of Hope Day 26

2011-07-26T05:00:00.140-05:00

Several years ago in a Wednesday night Bible study we were asked to gather in small groups of four or five and share about our favorite Psalm in the Bible. At the time, I had never considered a "favorite" Psalm. I had read through Psalms many times and wrote notes and highlighted, but I had never considered a "favorite" one. I am still not sure I could say I have a favorite one, as there are so many (150!) and the fact that there are many topics covered in them. However, I do have one that I have read often and it reminds of the HOPE I have today.

Psalm 32

In this Psalm, David is broken and humble. The sad part is that it took him two years to get to the point of repentance in his sin with Bathsheba. The good part is that he did get there and he is encouraging others in this Psalm, to seek the Lords deliverance rather than live in denial and sin. By his confession and repentance he has opened the door for forgiveness and grace which leads to HOPE! The same hope that David had, is the same hope God has for you and me today! As long as there is breathe there IS hope!

How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered! How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit!

When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away Through my groaning all day long.

For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah.

I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I did not hide; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord "; And You forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah.

Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found; Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.

You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.

Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, Otherwise they will not come near to you.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked, But he who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him.

Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, you righteous ones ; And shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart.

There is always hope!

31 Days of Hope Day 25

2011-07-25T05:00:00.254-05:00

If you have a blog, you know you can check your statistics to see what part of the world your readers are coming from, you can see what time of day most of your readers are reading your blog, and you can see which blog generated the most interest.

I was looking through my statistics and noticed my most popular blog was on December 9, 2009, which happens to be the blog I share about my book! The blog is titled A Scarlet Cord of Hope Book Order. The second most popular blog is one I wrote April 13, 2009 titled Hopes and Dreams For My Baby. I am going to add more comments to bring it up to date. I will ** the updated comments and type them in italics.

** When I originally wrote this in 2009, my daughter was almost twenty one years old and now she is almost twenty three years old. She was also dating my son in law at the time. They celebrated their first year anniversary this April 2011.

As my children continue to age and mature I find myself thinking about topics that I dreamed about in years past, however, I never focused much on them, because they were my hopes and dreams for when my babies got older. The time has come, and I feel myself filling my mind and heart with particular hopes and dreams, especially for my daughter. My daughter is my oldest child. When I think about her, I confess, like most mothers, I am filled with motherly pride and love for her. I have loved her since the very moment I thought I was pregnant with her (and that is true for my son as well).

I have loved her through good times, sad times, and even bad times. I have loved her even in the midst of her what I call her, prodigal daughter journey. I won't pretend that was an easy time to love her, it wasn't, but I held tight to my love for her, and more than that, the Fathers love for her. At certain times in that season, even though I loved her, I wanted to seriously hurt her. Not in an abusive way, more so in a way that said, "GIRL WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? HOW COULD YOU DO THESE THINGS TO YOURSELF? WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!" By God's mercy and grace she finally softened her heart and allowed truth and love to over rule the lies she believed. God is good and He continued to call her back until she answered. Well, more like until she got caught, however, she will tell you herself, she was glad she got caught, she was tired of running and tired of all the empty promises of the world. (**My daughter shared her testimony at her church this past year, myself and my friend Cynthia, went to hear her share...needless to say I was proud of her and was reminded once again about how far she has come, how grateful I am for her and for the beautiful Godly woman she has become!)

I don't say this lightly....Praise God we are out of that season! Being on this side of the situation for a while now, I would go through it all over again, knowing the outcome that I know now. Although at the time, in the midst of that season, I doubt I would agree with that statement. Time heals all wounds and actions speak louder than words. My daughter has proven over and over her repentant heart, her desire to put God first, her love for family and herself. She is not perfect by any means, but the growth and maturity in her shows fruit. I see it, hear, and feel it in her. It is real. (**I still see it, hear it, and feel it in her!)

She has been steadfast in her walk with the Lord and has finally begun to figure out who she is and what she wants in life. She also has a serious boyfriend. They have taken things slow and steady. They have made a point to get to know each other first and more importantly, they have kept God in the forefront. (**that serious boyfriend is now her husband! We are very grateful for our son in law.)

This is the topic of reflection for me, because of their age, their desires, and the seriousness of the relationship, I find myself asking; what do I hope and dream for her for the future? I have often wondered to myself, what did my mom and dad want for me? What were the hopes and dreams for them from their parents? What about my mother in law? I know she loves me, but what were her hopes and dreams for her son? What kind of woman did she dream of for a daughter in law?

Most of these things I did not even consider in my first marriage (to my daughters father), however, I am very happy to say I was blessed to find these things in my husband Doug. Doug and I will celebrate thirteen years in May. (**we celebrated fifteen years May 2011 and I am more in love with my husband each day!)

My Hopes and Dreams For My Baby

1. I hope she always keeps God first and a priority in her own life and someday in her marriage (**she has)

2. I hope she never ignores a "red flag," as they usually never change color

3. I hope she knows, that she knows, whom she has chosen to marry (**she has!)

4. I hope she marries her true love (**she did!)

5. I hope they will both have open communication lines-even when it would be easier to cut the line (**they do!)

6. I hope her husband will be a man of integrity and honor (**praise God, he is!)

7. I hope she will be her husband's true love (**she is!)

8. I hope she always remembers that as she leaves to cleave, we are still here and will always be (**she knows!)

9. I hope her husband shares many laughs with her and holds her tightly through the hard times (**he has laughed with her many times and I am sure even at her-in love of course!)

10. I hope she is never afraid of her husband (**she isn't)

11. I hope her husband never feels the need to intimidate or control her (**he doesn't)

12. I hope she trusts the man she marries with her whole heart in all areas of life (**she does)

13. I hope he is truly a man after God's heart (**he is-and we are ever so grateful!)

14. I hope he is man of self control (** he was before they married and he continues to be)

15. I hope he is a man who can embrace and accept us as her family (**he does...in fact that was one of the things he told my husband and me when he took us to dinner to ask permission to marry her, he said, one of the things that attracted him to her was the fact that she was family oriented and close with us and that family was important to him)

16. I hope he is man who accepts responsibility (**he does)

17. I hope he is man who is willing to work hard for his family, but knows the balance of keeping family his priority (**he does)

18. I hope he is wonderful husband and an amazing father (** he is a wonderful husband for my daughter and I know someday he will be amazing father. I look forward to writing the blog that will someday say...I am going to be a grandma!)

19. I hope he leads the family by prayer and example (**he does)

20. I hope that she and her future husband love and serve each other well through out their life time together (**they are and I pray they will continue to do so)

31 Days of Hope Day 24

2011-07-24T05:00:00.144-05:00

I am revisiting a blog I wrote on December 6, 2010, titled Second Hand... I have added some additional thoughts and wanted to share them with you today.

Last week I heard an interesting interview on Midday Connections. The women were talking about the kind of legacy we leave for our children and they challenged listeners to consider, as we all know, second hand smoke does affect those around us, but what about our second hand; attitudes, behaviors, habits, motives, and fears, etc.

While this can be convicting on many levels as you consider this, I encourage you to let this move you towards a place of healing and wholeness....a place of change. Allow this to be a call to get rid of undesirable traits, patterns, and thinking, so that our children don't have to carry the same second hand issues into their families. We all have things in our life that we hope our children do not continue in, or worse than that, pass down to their children. How often do you see habits like smoking, alcoholism, financial instability, worry, promiscuity, anger, or even prejudice, carried over generation to generation?

Does a smoker actually say, "I hope my child grows up to smoke?" What parent wants to see their adult child in constant financial turmoil? Are alcoholics really happy? do they wish their children the same emotional baggage as they have? Does a parent who has anger issues hope that their children learn to deal with stress and unexpected circumstances in the same angry way as they do? Does a mother who lives with guilt, shame, and fear, desire her children to carry the same burdens? I believe with all my heart, that the answer to these questions is a loud NO. However, when we are unwilling to change our patterns, behaviors, and attitudes that do not reflect a Godly legacy, we are passing the same baton that was most likely passed to us, on to our children.

This is a reflective opportunity to recognize all of our attitudes, behaviors, habits, motives, and fears do matter and our children are watching and learning from us. Knowledge is power and we have the opportunity to be honest (even if the honesty hurts) and aware to make changes. The key is...we have to be willing to change. Change starts with an acknowledgment.

It is important to communicate awareness of undesirable legacies to your children. Children (and other adults) need to see our example of repentance and change. They need to see that while we are not perfect, when we become aware of certain patterns, behaviors, and attitudes that do not reflect a Godly legacy, we have the option to stop, repent, and change at any given moment. We can begin to stop generational sin cycles!

Let's consider our legacy and all of the second hand issues we are leaving unchanged for future generations. What strong holds are we passing down? Again, I encourage you not to allow this to be a time of negativity, but rather an opportunity to become aware and pro-active. Be willing to do the "heart work" to set the stage for generations of HOPE!

One day at a time, one moment at a time...there is always HOPE

31 Days of Hope Day 23

2011-07-23T05:00:00.097-05:00

Is there ever a time when you can have too much hope? I think not! Although, I do think there are times, when we can make what we want (i.e. what we are hoping for) so much of a priority, that we don't stop and pause to pray and genuinely give our hope to the Lord and seek His will. Often times we get our heart set on something or we desire a specific outcome that we forget to seek God's will. Then when the expected outcome doesn't happen the way we planned (hoped for), we are angry at God or we wonder, what is God doing?

Sometimes our ears are full of wax (wax that we have carefully placed inside our ears). We choose not to listen to the Lord. Sometimes we ignore the closed doors. You know, the ones you specifically asked the Lord to obviously open and close. The ones we keep pounding and sometimes kick open. God will allow us to force it open. I know I am guilty of forcing a few doors open myself. I have considered praying that the Lord make it obvious by open and closed doors; and if it's a closed door, I pray it will be a steel door that is bolted with several super strength locks, that will forbid me to force it open (ha ha-I am only half joking on this one!).

I have a friend who is in a financial situation that has put her in a position that she must move. This decision was not made lightly. I know she has been praying for a long time for God to make obvious open and closed doors, specifically with her job and finances. She confessed to me recently that she feels the Lord has been trying to tell her to move for a while and that she is missing out on His next plan for her life. She has hung on to what she has wanted and now she has come to a point of complete exhaustion. I know my friend was not being intentionally disobedient to the Lord, she was praying for God's will to be done and for open and closed doors, however she now admits she sees that she had been forcing doors open.

When we pray for God's will to be done along with open and closed doors, it is important that when we find a closed door that we do not continue to stand at the door and knock (it's closed; no one will ever answer it, and we will have wasted a lot of time and energy standing and knocking) It is also in our best interest not to try to force the door open or worse yet, kick it in with sheer determination. The Lord will allow us our free will to choose (or force) a door open, even if His perfect will is to have it closed. That is the double edged sword when it comes to free will. We have a choice.

We will never be able to walk in full confidence of God's will for our life if we are not walking daily with the Lord. That is His desire, He wants a relationship with us. He wants us to choose Him. He wants to give us our hearts desires when we are walking in His will. Sometimes it can be a fine or difficult line trying to find the difference in our will (hope) and God's will (hope) for our life, however, God is a God of grace and mercy and if we are truly seeking His will we will ultimately get there. He wants us to desire His will for our lives. And praise God, He is loves us in spite of our stubborn strong will!

Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:15-17

pray without ceasing 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

31 Days of Hope Day 22

2011-07-22T05:00:00.177-05:00

As I have been focusing on HOPE for twenty two days now, I feel the Lord showing me the concept of hope in a way that I have never fully noticed before. I am asking myself some serious questions. Some of the questions are an easy, YES!. Some of the questions are a hesitant, yes. A few of these questions, I will admit, I had a hard time answering yes to at all, however ,in the end the answer to all of the questions is, YES!

This is where I am grateful I am not God. How amazing to consider what I judge to be hopeless, God says there IS hope. There is much I don't understand about God and yet, those same things make me love my Saviour even more. The depth of His grace. The beauty of His mercy. The purpose for His hope.

In my flesh there are a few things listed below that if I were God, I would never consider extending hope to, no matter how repentant a person was....that in itself is why I am NOT God! That is hard for me to admit, however it is true. God sees all of the things on this list (and more!), and yet ,hope is kept alive and waiting, until the last breath, even for what I judge to be "the worst of the worst".

God does not measure sin. All sin is simply sin. In our humanness, we measure sin according to our values, beliefs, and even in our experiences. God is ready and willing to forgive anyone for anything if they are truly repentant. That is the reason He willingly sent His son, Jesus Christ, our HOPE. He allowed His only begotten Son, to pay the price for our sin so that we can HOPE!

As you read through my questions, I encourage you to pray for those you know who may be struggling with hope in one of these areas. If you are struggling in one of these areas and you need someone to pray with you, please let me know.

Is there hope for someone who chooses abortion?

Is there hope for the abortionist?

Is there hope for alcoholics

Is there hope drug addicts

Is there hope for liars?

Is there hope for self mutilators?

Is there hope for abusers?

Is there hope for those who choose to hold onto unforgiveness?

Is there hope for the abused and neglected?

Is there hope for homosexuals?

Is there hope for thieves?

Is there hope for manipulators?

Is there hope for murderers?

Is there hope for prostitutes?

Is there hope for those in adultery /fornicators

Is there hope for kidnappers?

Is there hope for rapists?

Is there hope for the bully?

Is there hope for the bitter and angry?

Is there hope for drug dealers?

Is there hope for gang members?

Is there hope for sex addicts?

Is there hope for pedophiles?

Is there hope for the gambler?

Is there hope for the vindictive?

Is there hope for the unbeliever?

Is there hope for the racist?

Is there hope for the person who feels they have crossed the line one to many times, and is so far down in the pit, it seems utterly impossible to get out?

My friends, the answer to all of these questions is: as long as there is breath THERE IS HOPE!

"and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us" Romans 5:5

"For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins" Colossians 1:13-14

31 Days of Hope Day 21

2011-07-21T05:00:00.106-05:00

"After Hurricane Katrina came, the city of New Orleans did some serious reflection. Teams of people gathered and asked, "How can we make sure this never happens again?" It's wise for us to do the same after a storm comes into our lives. We can ask ourselves, "What weaknesses did this storm reveal? Where is my foundation strong and where do I need to make repairs?"

In the fallen world we live in, it is easier to focus on the negatives of a "storm", instead of facing it head on and seeing growth and renewal in it. Sometimes I have to catch myself viewing a storm as if I am looking at the glass as half empty instead of half full. It's the same amount, with the same ingredients, however, it's really in how I choose to see it, as well as, how my heart attitude is about the situation.

The way to see any situation as a glass half full, is to ask yourself the same questions as stated above:

1. How can you make sure this situation never happens again? Are you willing to do what needs to be done to ensure it doesn't?

2. What weakness did this storm reveal? (did you ignore red flags? did you act in your flesh? did you allow pride to get in the way? do you have a bigger issue/problem that needs to be addressed?)

3. Is your foundation strong and if there are any weak spots or cracks, where do you need to make repairs? And more importantly, what will you do to strengthen and repair weak spots and cracks?

Once you have asked yourself these questions it is important that you take time to honestly and prayerfully answer them. If we focus on what we can learn from our storms instead of allowing the storm itself to hurt us, we will always have HOPE!

31 Days of Hope Day 20

2011-07-20T05:00:00.068-05:00

Yesterday we talked about the letter P in HOPE. P is for perseverance. Today is the last letter in the word HOPE- letter E. The letter E in HOPE stands for euphoria. Euphoria means a feeling of happiness, confidence, or well-being.

You get a feeling of euphoria when you turn your hopelessness into HOPE! I still have things I hope for, and as long as I live, there will always be a need for HOPE, however, I do know the feeling of euphoria when I was able to turn things from my past from hopelessness into HOPE! Praise the Lord!

As we wrap up the letters of HOPE here are some scriptures to remind you of the joy, happiness, and well being, that comes with turning hopelessness into HOPE! The feeling of euphoria is waiting for YOU! Claim it in the name of Jesus!

Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; And let them say among the nations, "The Lord reigns." Let the sea roar, and all it contains; Let the field exult, and all that is in it. Then the trees of the forest will sing for joy before the LORD 1 Chronicles 16:31-33

O come, let us sing for joy to the LORD, Let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms
Psalms 95:1-2

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing ; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

The joy of the LORD is your strength Nehemiah 8:10b

Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full John 16:24
For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13-14

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace Ephesians 1:7

31 Days of Hope Day 19

2011-07-19T05:00:00.033-05:00

Yesterday we talked about the letter O in HOPE and O is for over analyzing. Today we will focus on the letter P.

The letter P in HOPE is for Persevere.We must persevere in hope. As I have said before, as long as there is breathe, there is hope! There are many examples in the Bible of those who persevered in their hope. Just to name a few; Esther, Ruth & Naomi, Rahab, Moses, Joshua, Joseph, Deborah, Samuel, Daniel, Meshack, Shadrack & Abendigo, Paul, James, Mary, the disciples, the blind man, the leper, Jarirus, and of course the One who preserved in hope and continues to do so to this day, Jesus Christ. The list could go on and on as there are many examples of those who have persevered with hope.

The word persevere means to persist in something; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; to continue steadfastly. As Christians we must preserver in our faith and relationship with Jesus. The world is full of things to take our time and attention from persevering in our hope and faith. To persevere we must be intentional. We must be ready and willing.

Here are some scriptures for you to hold onto when you need encouragement to continue persevering in your HOPE!

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial James 1:12 a

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer Romans 12:10-12

For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4

For nothing will be impossible with God. Luke 1:37

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

31 Days of Hope Day 18

2011-07-18T05:00:00.064-05:00

Yesterday we talked about the letter H in the word HOPE and today we will focus on the letter O.

O is for over analyzing. How often when we are hoping for something to happen or for something to change, do we over analyze and try to make it happen ourselves? I don't know about you, but I have done this a time or two, well, OK maybe more than that :)

When we allow ourselves to get caught up in the trap of over analyzing something we are not walking in faith. We are trying to figure out all of the ways and means to get what we want. The lesson I have learned is that I need to first commit to prayer then depending on what I am hoping for, I may seek accountability and additional prayer support.

There is a fine line in wisdom and over analyzing something. We should gain information and think through decisions, however, if you are like me, I can get caught up in the hundred ways something could happen or the extra details that are not necessary.

For moments like this I encourage you to focus on these scriptures:

"The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. "Trust in the LORD forever, For in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock Isaiah 26:3-4

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD Jeremiah 17:7

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. James 1:5-6

Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:15-17

Let's challenge one another to stop over analyzing what we have hope for, and lets focus on the Lord's will and trusting His plan for our lives. We need to have wisdom and insight, but once we have it, we need to move forward in our HOPE!

31 Days of Hope Day 17

2011-07-17T05:00:00.050-05:00

Starting today I am going to take the letters in the word HOPE and use one letter a day and by Wednesday (day 20) we will have more depth to the word! Let me encourage you to write these scriptures on an index card and post them where you can see them through out your day.

H is for healing. There is Hope for healing! I praise the Lord for the healing in my life. There is hope in healing all of the physical and emotional wounds in our life. Jesus is our Jehovah Rophe which means Jesus will heal me!

Remember sometimes healing comes in a different way than we expect (or want), however we have to trust the healing, that is God's will. God's will is perfect; And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

O LORD my God, I cried to You for help, and You healed me. O LORD, You have brought up my soul from Sheol ; You have kept me alive, that I would not go down to the pit. Psalm 30:2-3

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all. Psalm 34:18-19

He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. James 5:16

*Don't forget to check the other 31 Days blogs for more encouragement in your day!

31 Days of Hope Day 16

2011-07-16T05:00:00.128-05:00

I recently had a conversation with a friend about the fact that many christian parent's allow their teenage daughters to wear clothes that leave very little to the imagination. I recalled a few years ago, when my daughter was in high school, I was at a parent meeting and the topic of enforcing the dress code came up. One mom in particular stood up and said, "As a mother of a sixteen year old boy, I am asking that all of the parents who have daughter's, please enforce the dress code rule with them. My son has a hard time paying attention in class when he sees bra straps, cleavage, and thong underwear peeking from under the shirt that is to short and the pants that are to low." Some parents nodded in agreement and other's took offense and basically told her it was her son's problem and he needs to learn to mind his own business.

This conversation has stuck with me for years, and especially more so now that I have a son who is soon to be thirteen. It's never easy to tell someone what they are wearing is inappropriate (at least for us non-confrontational people), however, there have a been a few times when I have told a women and also a teenage girl, that their underwear was showing. The woman was a mother at the school I worked at. She was sitting on the floor with us during devotion time and her thong underwear was showing. There was two rows of children behind her, as well as other adults. I gently tapped her on the shoulder and said, "excuse me, but just so you know, you might want to pull the back of your shirt down, your underwear is showing." She was embarrassed and I was embarrassed for having to tell her, but she said, "thank you", and pulled her shirt down and kept putting her hand behind to check it. The other time there was an older teenage girl sitting in front of us at church and it was a similar situation and I felt embarrassed once again, but I whispered to her and she looked at me and said," oh, it's OK" and I said, "honey, no it's not, my husband and son are sitting back her and I prefer that they not focus on your underwear during service". She looked back at me and breathed a heavy sigh (as if she was annoyed with me) and put her sweater on for the remainder of service.

Both times I felt embarrassed, but I also felt like if it were me, I would want to know. It would not be intentional on my part! Every time I have this type of conversation with other women they always agree with me and the scripture of Titus comes up: Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Titus 2:3-5

As older women, it is important that we speak up and mentor the younger generation. As mothers it is important that we teach our children to obey the rules (even if we disagree with them). As women it is important that we remember and we teach our daughters that God created men (and teenage boys) to be visually stimulated. Unfortunately, I think in today's society, we have become desensitized and what was considered inappropriate to wear in public at one time, has now become acceptable.

I would like to challenge all of the women whether you are a mother or not, let's be accountable and model appropriate clothing for our daughters and young girls everywhere. Let's also encourage our daughters, nieces, granddaughters, friends, to also be wise in what they choose to wear. We don't have to be prudes by any means, but we can find hope in how we present ourselves.

Here are three quotes that I have kept over the years that my pastor, Chris Williamson has said.

"The clothes you wear are like bait...certain kinds of bait attract certain kinds of "game". What kind of man are you trying to attract?"

"Knowing who you are dictates how you live"

"Don't allow yourself to be a stumbling block towards Jesus"

31 Days of Hope Day 15

2011-07-15T05:00:00.239-05:00

Welcome to our half way mark! On this day we wanted to give you a glimpse into what the other 31 Days bloggers are writing and share some of our favorite highlights from each others blogs. (I am doing this earlier, due to our vacation. I have taken time to schedule my blogs so that I would not miss out on sharing with you! There may be something posted more currently that I will LOVE more than what I am going to share now...if that is the case, I promise you I will add that when I return).

As I was looking back over the other 31 Days blogs, I confess it was hard to pick highlights. Everything is encouraging, helpful, and engaging! I feel honored and extremely blessed to be a part of this team. These woman are truly Godly women who are pouring their hearts into their writing. They have been prayerful about every topic and word that goes out.

I hope you enjoy highlights I picked! I encourage you to go back to each blog and read their full entry, (if you haven't read it already). I added my comment at the end in bold.

31 Days of Freedom (www.ParentPassion.com) Jennifer Laine.

Day 8

Freedom comes at a price and sometimes we do not accurately calculate that price so when it’s time to pay, we want to back out. Turn around – and forget it because the price is too high. Just like the Israelites their expectations on freedom were not realistic they wanted it to be easy and comfortable. When they were challenged they complained and whined and were ready to go back to SLAVERY. Wow – they wanted slavery over freedom!?!

Often times when we walk out of bondage, we have a period of time when we feel uncomfortable and even scared because we are in uncharted territory. What was miserable was also familiar and in a sick kind of way – comfortable. Many times people give up on freedom and go back to slavery and defeat simply for comfort and ease. If the Israelites knew where God was planning on taking them, they would not have doubted that their new found freedom was a good thing.

From this example I have learned two things:

1) Freedom comes at a price – but it is worth the price.

2) God does not always bring us freedom the way we expect, therefore, we must not doubt him if he takes us through the desert before we get to the promised land."

I loved this particular blog because I get it! I understand the feeling of feeling comfortable in bondage. Praise the Lord I no longer settle for that!

31 Days of Love (www.Beckahshae.com) Beckah Shae (Beckah hasn't been able to join us regularly, however, I wanted to share one of my favorite songs from her)

Surrender ( click to listen to song)

All to You, I surrender.
All to You, I freely give.
I will ever, love and trust You.
In Your presence daily live.
I’m giving up but not giving in.
Fought long enough, I don’t need to win.
Oh so broken
Finally I give all control,
Here at your feet I’m letting go.
Oh so broken
You gave your life for me to know, you always!
All that I have, is my confidence in your grace!

I Surrender, I Surrender

No matter how strange, it looks to them.
No matter the cost, or how painful it gets.
I’m drawing my battle line in the sand,
Marching forward, determined to give you all I can.
In You I declare victory!
Since I’ve let go of my own will.
Now freedom and liberty, reign in me!

I love the lyrics to this song. It's something I need daily reminders of...to surrender to Christ's will and not my flesh

31 Days of Purpose (www.sojourneroftruth.blogspot.com) Carla Hendricks

Day 5

The elephant I'm talking about isn't sin, although sin is quite rampant in our society and our churches. I'm talking about Christians giving up on life and giving up on God. It's all around us. Think about all the people you know that have checked out on church, their families and everything that they were living for just a year ago. If you don't have anyone in your life like this, let me give you a few examples.

* The pastor and pastor's wife that live in the same household, but, practically speaking, ended their marriage years ago

* The young woman who has taken medication, gone to Christian treatment centers, had much counseling, and still struggles to live a healthy Christian life

* The friend whose disappointments in life and confusion over God's will and direction have her at the crossroads of walking away from God altogether

* The family member that called to say he was ending his life -- today*

And the list goes on and on.

Tears are flowing from my eyes right now as I ponder each of these situations. Everything in me wants to do something, but I don't know what to do. All I know to do is pray for these folks. And pray I have. But we've got to become a collective force as the Body of Christ. We've got to intercede for the hurting folks in our lives. We've got to call them, visit them, love them with everything in our being.

Carla is so right! So often we ignore or justify sin. We do not know what to do so we don't do anything. As Carla points out we can pray, we can call or visit. We don't have to solve their problems, however, if we allow ourselves to take off our mask, risk being real, and encourage those around us, you never know what a difference that could make in someones life.

31 Days of Victory (www.Moniquezackery.blogspot.com) Monique Zackery

Day 5

Let’s look at it this way: Have you ever heard a child get upset with their sibling and say, “Oh yeah? Well you’re not my brother anymore… ”? It sounds funny because we all know that there is nothing that child can do, in all of their frustration, to change the fact that their brother is still their brother. But it’s even more comical when the other sibling becomes upset about the accusation of losing his place as a brother. Why be upset over something that isn’t true?

It’s the same with our enemy. In his tantrum, he accuses us day and night of losing our position, security and identity in Christ. But nothing can separate us from what God has promised to be true for His children! Remember that God’s truth will always withstand satan’s accusations.

As a visual learner I love word pictures. The picture that Monique painted with her words describing the brothers argument is so real I could see it! It also helped me to understand, in a deeper way, how silly it is to believe the lies that the enemy tries to plant in my head and heart on a daily basis. Next time I hear a whisper or lie from the enemy, I will remember the brothers argument and simply smile and focus more on God's truth!

31 Days of Wellness; Mind, Body, Spirit (www.chelled.blogspot.com) Michelle Discavage

Day...Are you Walking in Freedom or Bondage

We can be delivered, but we must choose it. We must choose to get up, shake off the dirt, turn from our course leading to destruction, and walk confidently in the path set before us by Christ. We do not need to sit and wallow in the muck of our miseries, and remain where we are. We can get up and move. We do not even have to sit and beat ourselves over the head, speaking words of condemnation and shame. No, not at all. Romans 8:1-4 says, " Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit."

We can choose wellness, we can choose to feed our spirit rather than our flesh. We can choose good nutrition that will feed and maintain our bodies rather than foods that will destroy it. We can because Jesus did. We can attain and sustain wellness by choosing Christ, and Christ alone Choose Him over the desires of the flesh. Choose that which gives life over that which destroys.

Oh, how I miss Michelle! She and her family lived in Tn and they went to our church. She also led our Women's Ministry exercise class. She always worked us hard in that class and the same time she also encouraged us. She has a way about her that challenges you, but inspires you, all at the same time. What I loved about this post was how she points out we can change, but it's a choice. The choice is ours. We can stay where we are or we can do something about it. She knows first hand the struggle with the flesh. She also knows the victory of wellness!

31 Days of Hope Day 14

2011-07-14T05:00:00.161-05:00

"Hope never abandons you; you abandon it”

We abandon hope when we doubt God's promises. We abandon hope when we think that we deserve better than what God has provided. We abandon hope when we see the glass as half empty instead of half full. We abandon hope when we give up. We abandon hope when we try to control things instead of trusting God. We abandon hope when we let fear control us. We abandon hope when we don't trust God's will, purpose, and plan for our life.

If you find yourself relating to one (or more) of the statements above there IS STILL HOPE for you! When I created a speaking topic titled Turning Hopelessness Into Hope, I began to see how guilt, shame, and fear keep hope locked up, thus keeping hopelessness alive.

I will attempt to put an hour long speaking topic into a "nut shell" :)

I felt the Lord giving me a picture of guilt, shame, and fear as three big, burly, mean, armed body guards. Their job is to keep hope locked in a box, allowing hopelessness to run rampant and wild in the world.

There are three ways to defeat guilt, shame, and fear:

1. Define guilt, shame and fear

2. Gain a scriptural understanding for guilt, shame, and fear

3. Put all of that into a perspective that is honoring and pleasing to God

Definition:

Guilt: A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, or wrong, whether real or imagined

Shame: A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace

Fear: A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, or pain, whether real or imagined

Scriptural understanding

Guilt: Guilt isn't all bad...in fact we need a healthy (key word-healthy) dose of guilt so that we wont continue in a harmful, sinful, dangerous, or unhealthy path way. Guilt leads towards repentance. We have to be pro-active in choosing repentance though. Jesus calls us to repent. From that time Jesus began to preach and say, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Matthew 4:17

Shame: Shame is never from God. Shame is a trick of the enemy to keep hope locked up and hopelessness alive and well. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. Psalm 34:5

Fear: The only fear we should have is the fear of the Lord. It's about the balance again, a healthy balance. The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. Psalm 19:9a & The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep commandments, because this applies to every person. Ecclesiastes 12:13 This doesn't mean we must live in trembling fear of God, as if He is going strike us down at the very thought of sin. He is our father, our hearts should desire to honor and please Him with our actions and thoughts. The healthy balance of fear towards God is what pulls us towards repentance.

A perspective that is honoring and pleasing to God

1. Stop taking responsibility for other peoples choices and behavior. For me it was realizing I was not responsible for my parents divorce, their sadness, their alcoholism, the feelings they had towards one another, nor the choices they made. I also had to realize, I was not responsible for my ex husbands childhood, his anger, issues, violence, nor his choices. You can never love someone to hope. They have to want it for themselves. We can encourage, pray and love those who are struggling, however it is not "us" who ultimately saves them or finds hope for them.

2. Stop putting things under the rug. I had to see for myself that just because I didn't say something out loud or confront someone about what they did or said, doesn't mean it didn't happen. Ignoring, hiding, or covering up things, doesn't make them go away. There is a balance once again in confronting and speaking up. We are not called to judge others or their motives, however we are also not called to be door mats either. One of my favorite examples of this is found in John chapter 8. The story of the adulteress woman. In this story Jesus clearly doesn't ignore her sin, however ,He makes those who brought her to Him think about their own sin. Once they leave He doesn't shame the woman or yell at her: He spoke truth to her. He showed compassion but at the same time He tells her to sin no more. "And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more." John 8:11 Jesus never put anything under the rug.

Choose today to live in HOPE!

*Guilt, Shame, and Fear drawn by Laura Spence

*For further encouragement on topics of Wellness, Victory, Freedom, Purpose, and Love please visit my "sister" bloggers-the links for each site on the right

31 Days of Hope Day 13

2011-07-13T05:00:00.116-05:00

The woman at the well is one of my favorite stories in the Bible. It is found in John chapter 4. This is where Jesus asked the Samaritan woman for a drink of water from the well. (I have to add that this is one of the sights I will able to see when I go to Israel in the fall! And I recently learned that there is STILL water in the well and you can drink it!).

One of the reason I love this story is because Jesus gives us an example of how to confront someone, how not to ignore facts and put them under the rug, and how not to take responsibility for other peoples choices. If you have read my book or been reading my blog for a while, you know these are the three things I struggled with for most of my life:

1. Ignoring red flags

2. Putting things under the rug

3. Taking responsibility for other peoples choices and behaviors

In John chapter 4 we know that Jesus already knows the woman is a Samaritan and He, of course, was a Jew. Samaritans and Jews were not supposed mingle together and they certainly were not expected to give one another a drink of water. Jesus already knew this woman was living outside the confines of marriage. The man she was living with was not her husband. She had been married five times previously. He knew all of this (and probably more!) when He saw her. He could have easily waited for her to get her drink and move on. He could have made small talk with her. Once He tells her all that He knows about her He could have "excused" her behavior by taking responsibility for her (or help her justify her choices). He could have also had a finger pointing moment with her, telling her what He knew by shaming or condemning her.

The beauty of this story is that He spoke the truth in love to her. He didn't shame her. He didn't condemn her. He didn't excuse her choices. He didn't pretend He didn't know anything. There are no exclamation marks of His conversation to show He yelled at her. He gave her an opportunity to tell the truth and she did. He then calmly told her what He knew. He tells her He is the Messiah and He can provide water that will never dry up; a well of water springing up to eternal life. The woman goes on to tell others about Jesus and many Samaritans come to believe in Him because of her words.

If you are looking for hope, you don't need to look any further...Jesus is our hope! He is our well of water springing up to eternal life!

31 Days of Hope Day 12

2011-07-12T05:00:00.130-05:00

A few days before we began our 31 Days together I asked some questions pertaining to hope. One of the question I asked was: What does HOPE mean to you? My friend Laura sent me the following quote from John Maxwell:

1. Hope shines brightest when the hour is darkest.

2. Hope motivates when discouragement comes.

3. Hope energizes when the body is tired.

4. Hope sweetens when the bitterness bites.

5. Hope sings when all melodies are gone.

6. Hope believes when the evidence is eliminated.

7. Hope listens for answers when no one is talking.

8. Hope climbs over obstacles when no one is helping.

9. Hope endures hardship when no one is caring.

10. Hope smiles confidently when no one is laughing.

11. Hope reaches for answers when no one is asking.

12. Hope presses toward victory when no one is encouraging.

13. Hope dares to give when no one is sharing.

14. Hope brings the victory when no one is winning.

15. Hope gives us the strength and the courage we need to make the most of life.

31 Days of Hope Day 11

2011-07-11T05:00:00.000-05:00

Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. "And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house ; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. "Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. "The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house ; and it fell -and great was its fall." When Jesus had finished these words, the crowds were amazed at His teaching. Matthew 7:24-28

This is one of my favorite examples that Jesus gives. The example paints a clear picture. I can see the house on the rock; it's sturdy and built well. The "contractor" put a lot of time and care into the planning of this home. It was built to withstand all of the weather elements that were known in that area. It was built with intention and quality.

The other home is more like a hut built quickly and careless on the sand. The "contractor" for this home did not consider the weather elements, nor did they seem to care about the quality of materials used. It almost seems like it was built as an after thought without much purpose.

I want my home, family, friends, work, and most importantly my relationship with God, built on a solid foundation. I want the contractor for the house on the rock! The interesting thing is, I AM the contractor. It's up to me what kind of quality I want to "use" in each relationship. I can choose how much time I want to put into each relationship. I can be as purposeful and intentional as I want.

If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior then it's up to you the quality, purpose, and intention that you put forth and build your relationship on. The more you put into your relationship with Christ, the more HOPE you will find!

I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me. Proverbs 8:17

Your word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You. 12 Blessed are You, O Lord; Teach me Your statutes. Psalms 119:11-12

The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. "Trust in the Lord forever, For in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock. Isaiah 26:3-4

*The picture of the home was found in Portugal and it's a stone house built between two rocks

*don't forget to catch up with the other blogs: purpose, victory, wellness, passion, and love

31 Days of Hope Day 10

2011-07-10T05:00:00.030-05:00

To celebrate 10 days together I wanted to share a poem. I have had this poem for several years. It's a reminder of what God HAS promised us.

GODS PROMISES

God hath not promised skies always blue, flower strewn pathways

All our lives thro’;

God hath not promised sun without rain, Joy without sorrow, Peace without pain.

God hath not promised that we shall not know toil and temptation, trouble and woe;

He hath not told us we shall not bear many a burden, many a care.

But God hath promised strength for the day, rest for the laborer, light for the way,

Grace for the trials,

Help from above, unfailing sympathy, undying love.

31 Days of Hope Day 9

2011-07-09T05:00:00.113-05:00

"Committing to hope doesn't mean believing that one day we'll get what we want. True hope is believing in unchanging truths; that God is good, He has a plan, and we are loved."

In the midst of what we perceive as a hopeless situation, it's easy to believe the lies of the enemy when he whispers in our ears; God is not all that good. God doesn't have a purpose or a plan for your life. If God loved you, would He really allow this to happen?

The answers to those "whispers" are; Yes, God is all that good. Yes, God does have a purpose and a plan for my life. God allows free will and we are not robots, which means we may have to go through things here on this earth that He did not originally intend, however that doesn't mean He doesn't love us. There are some things we may never understand the reason's why to. Someday when we meet Jesus face to face, we will see the whole picture and even if we don't, I have to trust it wont matter anyway. It's not about us. It's about Him.

When we hear these whispers in the midst of feeling hopeless, we need to find the strength and courage to YELL back to the enemy the truth:

For the Lord is good: His loving kindness is everlasting, and His faithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 100:5

The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knows those who take refuge in Him. Nahum 1:7

For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

In the same way God, desiring even more to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose, interposed with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us. This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil Hebrews 6:17-19

Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Just as it is written, "For your sake we are being put to death all day we were considered as sheep to be slaughtered." But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35-39

The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1John 4:8-10

Be aware of the whispers of the enemy. Those whispers contain lies. Put your faith in the HOPE of the truth!

31 Days of Hope Day 8

2011-07-08T05:00:00.001-05:00

In 2007 I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, along with panic and anxiety. My diagnosis came after I suffered a severe panic attack. I awoke from a deep sleep with intense nausea, shortness of breath, chest pain, chills, sweating, and my heart beating wildly. I thought I was dying. I woke my husband and he called 911. Once I was in the ambulance I was given medication for the chest pain and rapid heart beat and taken to the hospital. At the hospital, I was immediately hooked to IV's, monitors, and given more medication to ease the nausea and get my heart rate down. My heart rate was at 140. A normal resting heart rate is 60-100. I was kept overnight and had several tests lined up for the morning. My doctor came in the next morning and said, "this sounds like a panic attack". I was offended that she would say such a thing. I knew I was a "worry wart" and that I tend to internalize things, however, I knew I was dying. I felt something was seriously wrong with me, this was more than a "panic attack".

Needless to say after two ambulance rides, three ER visits, numerous doctor visits, tests and much prayer, my doctor was correct. I did indeed have a panic attack. Once I began to open my eyes to this diagnosis I was determined to figure it out and get well We found an amazing doctor who diagnosed me with ptsd and panic/anxiety, she worked with me for nine months. Those initial nine months were emotionally draining for me. I spent hours with her pulling everything out from under the rug.Talking about things that I thought I had "dealt" with over the years and realizing at the time I hadn't.

For me ptsd was not one event or situation. It was an accumulation of things from childhood that primed me for an abusive first marriage. I do not blame my family or even my ex-husband. I take full responsibility for choices I made and for decisions I allowed. I had become accustomed and comfortable in taking responsibility for other people's choices and behavior, ignoring red flags in relationships, and pushing things under the rug.

After nine months of therapy my doctor referred me to another doctor who has helped me tremendously using EMDR. EMDR does not erase the memories or events from your mind, however it does reprocess those memories and events so that you are not affected by them as you once were.

With the Lord's help and the wisdom and therapy of my doctor's, I have been on a journey that is filled with hope. You see, I lived a life full of guilt, shame, and fear. You might not have seen it on the outside because I was good at hiding it. I look back at myself and wonder how I managed to keep everything so controlled on the outside, but I if I look deeper into my heart and mind, I see it. They (the guilt, shame, and fear) were constant companions to me.

Even though I accepted Christ into my heart at fifteen I did not fully understand the Gospel nor accept all that Christ offers. I never struggled with "why me God", my struggle was more like, I am so unworthy. I am unforgivable. I deserve all that has happened. If only, I was better. Why would God care about me?

It has been a process within the last fifteen years that I have started believing and accepting God's mercy, grace, and forgiveness. I am worthy and so are you! That is why the topic of HOPE resonates so deeply within my heart. As long as there is breathe there IS hope!

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

For an explanation of:

ptsd click here

panic and anxiety click here

EMDR click here
To hear more about my story you can read my book A Scarlet Cord of Hope...My Journey Through Guilt, Shame, and Fear

31 Days of Hope Day 7

2011-07-07T05:00:00.007-05:00

I love the picture of this tree. You can see the branches are strong and sturdy. The size of the tree shows it's age. The roots are thick and I suspect deep. It reminds me of a family tree. Filled with many generations of legacy's. Some worthy of passing on generation to generation and some are twisted, knotted, and diseased, not something you desire to pass along as a legacy to your children or grandchildren.

Do you have a good relationship with your family? Did you grow up with dysfunction or grace? Did your parents model mercy, grace, and forgiveness? Or maybe your parents were simply "just there" to keep a roof over your head and they did not connect with you emotionally. Some of you may have been abused as a child and you didn't grow up with tender, loving, kind hands. Maybe your family relationships are somewhere in the middle of dysfunction and grace.

What are in the roots of your family tree? While I know my parent's loved me and I had other family members who were involved in my life, there are things within my family tree that I would rather not pass along; things like alcoholism, anxiety, low self esteem, manipulation, teen pregnancy, anger, abuse, co-dependency, and divorce, these are a few things within my family tree.

I confess I have also passed down some of these undesirable things to my children. I am divorced, I was in an abusive unhealthy marriage for nine years, I have ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) along with panic/anxiety, I had a teen pregnancy that ended with an abortion, I struggle with low self esteem and I struggled with fear for most of my life.

In confessing this, I will also tell you that I am married to a wonderful Godly husband now for fifteen years, and we have created a new legacy together for our family. While I can not undo certain things, I am able to make changes. Together with my husband along the promises, grace, mercy, and forgiveness of the Lord, we have taken some of the knotted, twisted, and diseased roots and strengthened them and straightened them out, creating new life within a scarred root.

While there is no such thing as a perfect family nor a perfect parent, there is hope for a new legacy. The patterns, behaviors, and choices within our family tree do not have to be our legacy. We do not have to let yesterday define us....There is always hope!

Family Tree by Matthew West click here to hear the song

You didn't ask for this
Nobody ever would
Caught in the middle of this dysfunction
It's your sad reality
It's your messed up family tree
And now you're left with all these questions
Are you gonna be like your father was and his father was
Do you have to carry what they handed down?

No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy
This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

I have a dream for you
It's better than where've you've been
It's bigger than your imagination
You're gonna find real love
And you're gonna hold your kids
You'll change the course of generations

Oh, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy
This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

'Cause you're my child
You're my chosen
You are loved
You are loved
And I will restore
All that was broken
You are loved
You are loved

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're bringing new life to your family tree now
Yes you are, you are

Oh, this will be your legacy
This is will be your destiny
Yesterday did not define you
Oh, this will be your legacy
This will be your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're bringing new life to your family tree now

31 Days of Hope Day 6

2011-07-06T05:00:00.005-05:00

"The world or our circumstances may tell us, "Hope is dead. God is gone. There's nothing you can do." On those days we have to remember that we're committed to hope no matter what happens. Even when we can't see it. Even when we don't feel it. Even when all evidence suggests the opposite."

So often in today's society, we get caught up looking at the outside of a problem, expectation, or situation. The inside is where the hope is. Sometimes it is deeply buried, however, its always there. It's a matter of choice and sometimes a little work on our part.

Think of a pineapple. It is hard and kind of prickly on the outside but, the inside is juicy and sweet. If you only look at the outside of a pineapple you would miss the delicious fruit on the inside. To get to the fruit, you need to slice the pineapple open with a sharp knife. As you begin to cut into the pineapple, you need to be aware as the prickles on the outside, as they can poke you. Once you cut the pineapple open, the sweet aroma will fill your senses and make your mouth water. If you had never seen a fresh pineapple, you might not realize with a little work and attention, there IS something different than the outside, waiting on the inside.

When we focus on the circumstances of the outside of a problem we will only see the hard prickly conditions. I know from personal experience, it's easy to judge something on the surface rather than dig deeper into the heart of a matter. If I am honest, sometimes I don't want to exert my time and energy into digging deeper. Other times, I don't want to face the reality of what brought me to this point in the first place. There are also times when I wish God would simply make my life more like the inside of a pineapple.

I have to remind myself that is not what this life on earth is about. God did not promise us a comfortable carefree life. Often times it's more about how we are choosing to look at our situation ; is the glass half full or half empty?

To get to the hope of a matter, we have to be willing to keep our faith on firmly. Even when circumstances tell us differently. Even when we can't see it. Even when we don't feel it. Even when all evidence suggests the opposite.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10-12

*make sure to check out the other topics today; Victory, Purpose, Wellness, Passion, and Love-the links are provided on the right side*

31 Days of Hope Day 5

2011-07-05T05:00:00.003-05:00

Today is day five of our time together! Time is flying by. When I originally prayed about this challenge, I kept thinking, 31 days is so long! I didn't think I could commit to it. I felt in my heart, that the Lord said, "you need to do this". Now five days into this, I KNOW I needed to do this. I have thoroughly enjoyed the comments and emails. I have also appreciated reading the other blogs. I feel as if I am getting to know my friends better, and I am gaining new friends, as well as being challenged in my walk with the Lord.

Today I want to encourage you that there is HOPE in listening to the Lord. There have been other times in my life, as I am sure yours as well, that I heard the Lord loud and clear, but I chose to do my own thing. There have been other times when I doubted what I knew I needed to do; it didn't make sense, so I kept praying for a better answer, or maybe an answer I wanted to hear.

This reminds me of Jonah and how the Lord specifically told him to do something. He did not want to do what God clearly told him to do. In his mind it didn't make sense. He was fearful and at the same time, I think he doubted that God could really want, what He asked Jonah to do. Once it became clear God was intentional with His request, had a purpose and a plan, Jonah still kept trying to do his own thing. The story ends with Jonah reluctantly giving in to what the Lord told him to do, and in spite of Jonah's feelings and earlier decision, God still used him and His will for the Ninevites. Jonah ends up remaining bitter and resentful. He didn't think they deserved God's grace, mercy, or forgiveness.

My hearts desire is to hear the Lord and commit to His will. It's not always easy, as my flesh can get in the way. My prayer is that I wont be a Jonah. I don't want my heart to be full of judgment and fear. I know what it feels like to have a scarlet cord of guilt, shame, and fear wrapped around my neck, squeezing the faith, desires, and life out of me. I know what it feels like to make a choice or decision, knowing that was not God's best for me.

Even with all that I have been through and all that I have found (grace, mercy, and forgiveness), it is still a choice. I fight my flesh daily. We are all capable of being a "Jonah" at any time in our day, life, mind, or heart. That is why HOPE is vital. We must hold tight to the promises in the Bible and trust the Lord, when we hear His call. It might not be a audible booming voice, however, if we are open and willing, we can hear the Lord and then it is our choice...do we choose our will or do we choose obedience?

"Let us choose for ourselves what is right; Let us know among ourselves what is good" Job 34:4

Don't forget to read the other blogs...the Lord is good to give us this time to share!

31 Days of Hope Day 4

2011-07-04T05:00:00.000-05:00

"Hope is more than a word. It's a state of being. It's a firm belief that even if you don't know how, even if you don't know when, God will come through and better days are ahead!"

I am a visual learner, I need to *see* it, to fully understand what it is. No matter what kind of learner you are, we all need reminders of God's word. It's easy to think, I will commit to have a daily quite time and read the Bible. The reality of that is that "life" can get in the way. Or if you're like me, I am a routine person, so if something changes my daily routine, my entire day can look different, and before I know it, it's bed time and I realize I didn't have my quite time!

I have learned God desires my heart and not my routine. I can pray through out my day, it doesn't have to be only during my morning routine. There are also other times through out my day when I can pick up my Bible and read. I have learned to be flexible, and more than that, I have embraced God for God, not a boss or someone who will have a consequence waiting for me.

I have found if I post scriptures or quotes (on index cards or post it notes) on mirrors, inside cupboards and closets, in my wallet, or anything that I open or look at through out my day, I am *seeing* God's word which gives me HOPE!

God knows us more personally than we realize and He STILL loves us, in spite of ourselves, and desires a relationship with us. Contrary to what the devil wants us think, God is not looking for every sin and failure within our day. He is not the old mean Principal waiting for us to fail, hoping he can dole out a consequence. The truth is God wants a relationship with us. He desire us to have that FIRM belief that even if we can't see how something could possibly work out, our faith in Him is stronger than the circumstances around us.

Hopeful thoughts for today:

You are loved (John 3:16)

You were created with purpose (Romans 8:28)

You are free (Colossians 1:14)

Nothing can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:35-39)

There is always hope (Romans 15:13)

*(Don't forget to stop by the other 31 Days bloggers-see their links on the right side)

31 Days of Hope Day 3

2011-07-03T05:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to day three of our 31 Days of Hope!

We know hope means to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence. We also know the enemy has a purpose to devour us (and our hope). 1Peter 5:8 warns us..."Be of sober spirit, be on alert. Your adversary the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour". The devil wants us to feel hopeless. He wants us to have a sense that what is desired can not be had. He wants us to give up. I know there have been many times in my life when I gave into the feeling of hopelessness. I think we have all experienced the feeling of, " whatever" or even thought, "why keep trying (or hoping), its pointless anyway,' and many of us have believed the biggest lie of all, and said, "I am not worthy of a second chance, I do not deserve forgiveness."

We must stop believing the lies! We have to focus on the truth!

As far as the east is from the west, so far He has removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12

I have wiped our your transgression like a thick cloud and your sins like a heavy mist. Return to me for I have redeemed you. Isaiah 44:22

In Him we have redemption through His blood the forgiveness of our trespasses according to the riches of His grace. Ephesians 1:7

The keys to hope are within your reach. You no longer have to be surrounded by hopelessness.

The first key is repentance. Jesus calls us to repent-Matthew 4:17 "From that time Jesus began to preach and say, " Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand". Repentance is an acknowledgment of your sin and a willingness to turn from it.

The second key is forgiveness. Unfortunately, forgiveness doesn't come with an eraser, however it does come with freedom. It's important to not only forgive those who have wronged us, but we must learn to forgive ourselves as well. Sin is sin and forgiveness is forgiveness, whether it is towards others or our self.

Once you hold these keys, it's important that you put them inside the lock, turn the key, and then it will unlock the hope that is within your reach (notice it takes action and willingness on your part)

A reminder of forgiveness is found in the lyrics by Santus Real Click here to hear the song

Forgiven

Well the past is playing with my head

And failure knocks me down again

I’m reminded of the wrong

That I have said and done

And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life

I know what I’ve been

But here in your arms

I know what I am

[chorus]

I’m forgiven

I’m forgiven

And I don’t have to carry

The weight of who I’ve been

Cause I’m forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind

And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night

When I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride

Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

In this life

I know what I’ve been

But here in your arms

I know what I am

[back to chorus]

When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere

When I don’t measure up to much in this life

Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘cause

(back to chorus)

*(Don't forget to stop by the other 31 Days bloggers-see their links on the right side)

31 Days of Hope...Day 2

2011-07-02T07:00:00.012-05:00

Today we will look at The Hope of Two. There are three scriptures I want to focus on;

Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But, woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn.

Matthew 18:20 For where two or three have gathered, together in My name, there I am in their midst.

Matthew 19:5 "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife: and the two shall become one flesh"

Each of these scriptures offer hope:

In Ecclesiastes we see hope in friendship and the purpose of fellowship.

In Matthew 18 we see there is hope in prayer. Of course, we know God hears our prayers if we are alone, however, this verse reminds us again, of the purpose of other's being involved in our life. We were not created to be "loners". We need each other.

Matthew 19 tells us of the hope and beauty of marriage. God wants us to enjoy the companionship and commitment of marriage. We are expected to leave our parents and become one with our spouse. The marriage commitment is deeper than any relationship mentioned in the Bible outside of the relationship God desires to have with us.

Be encouraged today and find hope in your friendships, prayers, and marriage!

From time to time I will include some of your comments/answers that you sent to me regarding the questions I asked about hope.

* David M- tells us 1 Peter 3:15 is a verse that reminds him of HOPE- David has an incredible story of hope and redemption http://thefatherslovebook.com

(Don't forget to stop by the other 31 Days blogs- see their links on the right side and be encouraged today!)

31 Days of Hope...Day 1

2011-07-01T07:00:00.004-05:00

Welcome to our first day together as we journey towards HOPE for 31 Days.

My heart is full of anticipation and hope as I begin this blogging challenge. I have never participated in anything like this before. I have always preferred not being tide down to a specific day or time frame to write blogs. I am an relational writer and relational writers have to relate or experience something in order to write. I instantly develop writers block when I consider writing a piece of fiction or on a topic I am not passionate about.

I attend a Writers Group that meets twice a month. One week is critic and the other is creative writing. Whenever we have a creative writing exercise that has to do with fiction or we are given a topic that I can not relate to, I struggle through it. I feel as if I have grown in this area however, I don't enjoy it and for that simple reason, I am looking at this opportunity to stretch and grow in my writing. I have also looked at this month as a "fast" of sorts. My hearts desire is to drawer nearer to the Lord and connect more with those who are reading this blog...now onto HOPE!

As I was praying about 31 Days of Hope, I was reminded once again, that God always has a purpose and a plan. God is intentional in every detail. Today, July 1st marks our first day into 31 days. Today is also the day I am speaking at Lighthouse Church, in Farmington, New Mexico. For the past five years my family has been invited to Farmington, my husband helps an affiliate radio station (KPCL Passion Radio) with a fundraiser for Passion Play International Ministries. Last year when we came, I was honored and blessed to speak at three churches. This year, we were a little late in organizing our details, so it looked as if I wouldn't have a speaking opportunity. Through a series of conversations and God ordained details, I spoke with David Velasquez, who connected me to Pastor John Shrock of Lighthouse Church. Lighthouse Church is a Messianic Jewish church. If I had spoken at Lighthouse last year, I would have enjoyed it and appreciated the experience. For those who may not know; I am going to Israel in the fall. In light of my involvement with a Biblical Study Program that culminates with two weeks in Israel, it is more than I could have hoped for to have this opportunity today, especially on this first day of Hope!

If you are feeling hopeless about something in your life today, please let me encourage you, God has not forgotten you. God always has a purpose and a plan. God is always intentional. God is our HOPE and we have not been forgotten!

"Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands" Isaiah 49:16a

Here is a song to keep on your mind all day...There is HOPE and you are not forgotten!

I am Not Forgotten (video and lyrics)

31 Days of Hope, Victory, Freedom, Purpose, Love, and Wellness

2011-06-29T12:55:00.009-05:00

I would like to challenge you for the next 31 Days to commit to reading our blogs....I believe the saying "garbage in...garbage out" is true, what we choose to focus on, listen, read, and watch goes into our minds and hearts. This is an opportunity to fill our minds and hearts with hope, victory, freedom, purpose, love, and wellness!

God is VERY intentional. God has a plan and purpose for each of us during the next 31 Days!

Please join us!

31 Days of Hope- Sheryl Griffin at A Scarlet Cord of Hope:: http://www.sherylgriffin.com/

31 Days of Victory- Monique Zackery at Finding Me in You:: http://www.moniquezackery.blogspot.com/

31 Days of Freedom- Jennifer Lain at Parent Passion:: http://www.parentpassion.com/

31 Days of Purpose- Carla Hendricks at Sojourner of Truth:: http://www.sojourneroftruth.com/

31 Days of Love- Beckah Shae at http://www.beckashae.com/

31 Days of Wellness: Mind, Body & Spirit- Michelle Discavage at http://www.chelled.blogspot.com/

31 Days of Hope....Questions For You

2011-06-28T13:44:00.000-05:00

In preparation for our 31 Days...of HOPE I would like to involve YOU and ask a few questions. Don't feel obligated to answer every question (unless, of course, you want to). You can post them here or email me directly Sheryl@SherylGriffin.com. Share as much or as little as you would like. Please let me know if its OK to share your first name or if you prefer to be anonymous (in the event that I comment on your answer or question on a blog).

1. What does HOPE mean to you?

2. Is there an area in your life that you need HOPE?

3. How do you share HOPE with others?

4. Is there a verse or a song that reminds you of HOPE?

5. Is there a person or story in the Bible that exemplifies HOPE to you?

6. Is there a time in your life that you felt hopeless?

7. Actions speak louder than words...how do you *see* HOPE in action

8. Using the five Love Languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts...how would you show HOPE to someone (if you know your main love language-how would you like someone to speak HOPE to you)?

9. Do you believe there is always HOPE? (why or why not)

10. Is there a topic within HOPE that you would like to be encouraged or inspired by on this blog within the next 31 Days?

I am excited to see all that God has in store for this event! I look forward to hearing from you and I encourage you to check in with the other blogs and be encouraged and inspired by them as well, within the next 31 Days!

31 Days of Hope

2011-06-09T14:12:00.008-05:00

I will post a blog on the topic of HOPE for 31 days, the entire month of July! I have joined in this inspirational event with four other women. We have each picked a topic and we are ready for the challenge! I hope that you will hold me accountable and read my blogs. I also encourage you to stop by the other blogs and be encouraged!

I have a feeling God is up to something BIG and I am excited!

Please check back often and feel free to comment or email!

The other blog links are:

31 Days of Wellness::Mind. Body. Spirit. - Chasing the Divine (Michelle Discavage at www.chelled.blogspot.com)

31 Days of Parent Passion (Jennifer Laine at www.parentpassion.com)

31 Days of Love (Beckah Shae at www.beckahshae.com)

31 Days of Victory- Finding Me in You (Monique Zackery at www.moniquezackery.blogspot.com)

Unplanned Choices

2011-06-03T16:03:00.000-05:00

I recently read a book titled, Jessica Lost: A Story of Birth, Adoption & The Meaning of Motherhood . I am always intrigued with memoir's, biography's and autobiography's. I was drawn to the raw emotions the authors, Bunny Crumpacker and J.S. Picariello share about their life and experience within the world of adoption, both from the view point of the mother and the child.

I have friends who have been adopted and know many who have chosen adoption. I believe every situation is unique and no adoption process is exactly the same. Similar to giving birth; no two women will have the exact same experience. The main difference in adoption is the intention. You can not have an "oops" baby when you adopt.

If you have read my book A Scarlet Cord of Hope you know part of my story involves abortion. While abortion wasn't my choice, it was the decision that was made, and I will always have regret, however, I know that I am forgiven and I have finally found a place within my heart to forgive myself as well.

There was a part in the book when Bunny (the mother) seems to be comparing adoption and abortion and she comments that those who choose abortion do not have the lingering pain and emotions that women who place children up for adoption do. I realize she is writing from her own personal experience, so she could not possibly understand the guilt, shame, and lingering pain that also stays with the choice of abortion.

It is only by the grace of God that I am able to share my story and offer the hope that I have found after my abortion. Any unplanned pregnancy that may result in adoption, abortion, or keeping the baby, has the same ability to create long term effects that linger and may take years to overcome.

Sometimes the decision to keep the baby results in financial struggles, custody battles, and letting go of your dreams. Abortion is a decision that never leaves you free either. You may not have the due date etched in your mind, you may not know the sex of the baby, however you have enough knowledge to know there is life growing inside you and you never forget that day. While abortion may appear like a "quick fix" and then you move on; let me tell you, it's not that easy. While I can agree with Bunny's emotions that adoption does leave you with potential guilt, shame, and pain, you at least know that your baby is wanted and will be welcomed into a loving home.

It was interesting to read the view point from the birth mother and the child she gave up, and their journey that led them to connect forty two years later.They were able to build a strong healthy relationship as time allowed for healing and closure to their respective emotions and questions.

If you or someone you know is dealing with an unplanned pregnancy and you would like information or someone to talk to please email me at Sheryl@SherylGriffin.com

There is always HOPE!

Moving Forward Even When It Hurts

2011-05-09T17:27:00.000-05:00

How do you move forward when you are finally in a place to pull everything out from under the rug, that you have carefully stuffed there for years, and you want to acknowledge facts and feelings about your life past and present but, one of the main people in your life isn't in the same place.

That is my situation and the other person is my mother. It has been two and half years since I last heard from her. I knew it would come to this, but it still hurts. I knew when the Lord led me to publish my book that it would forever change our relationship. I was emotionally healthy and ready but, it doesn't make it any easier. In order to have a healthy relationship with my mother, the kind my heart truly and deeply desired, we needed to stop the life long patterns that we were in. Part of my healing and moving forward meant I needed to boldly tell the truth and move forward, with or without her (emotionally).

As I prayed for the moment of "truth" between the two of us, I lifted my head and arms to God in total faith and surrender. I remember thinking, "it's no longer in my control". And, the fact of the matter is, it never was. That is what ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) and panic/ anxiety made me think though. As if somehow, I held the key to happiness for those I loved the most. If I can cover up or make their choices or decision "better" simply by not acknowledging them or pretending with them, in the game of if I don't confront you or the situation, maybe it will get better or maybe it will go away. Even though, it never did, I played this game for most of my life. Believing the lie it's better not to talk about things that are confrontational or have the ability to upset someone. There was also the fear that some how it would end up being my fault, and I didn't want to deal with that either. After all, there is a chance something might change on its own. And sometimes it did, but then it always went back and when it did it came back stronger, louder, and more chaotic than before.

I have learned since my diagnosis, of ptsd and panic/anxiety in 2007, that I am not responsible for other peoples choices or decisions. I can not control the situation or the person by loving them, denying the truth, by not confronting, nor by ignoring situations. It's not that I thought I was powerful or "all that", it was an unhealthy co-dependent balance in my life and mind.

I am clinging to hope, as I continue to move forward, even in the pain. Hope that someday my mother will hear my heart's cry and we can begin a new relationship. Hope that she is able to face the things in her life and move forward in a positive way. Hope that she feels the Lords presence in her life and willingly accepts Him. Hope that she will begin to understand what happened to me and that I am not blaming her (nor anyone else). Hope that she will be able to heal her past wounds and walk in truth and forgiveness. Hope that she knows I love her.

Painting Faith

2011-04-18T11:23:00.004-05:00

When our daughter married and moved out a year ago, our son moved into her old bedroom. I decided to use my son's old room as my office and guest bedroom. The room needed a fresh coat of paint and I knew from previous experiences painting a room is not as easy as it seems. I had the color picked out for months and day dreamed about what it would look like. After learning that a friend from another state wanted to visit for a few days, I knew it was time to tackle the painting project.

I gathered all my supplies and was initially very excited about the project. After I moved all of the furniture out and set everything up, I stared at the ceiling, I found myself wishing someone would come along and do it for me, and I hadn't even started painting yet! (Do you remember when you first became a Christian, you were excited and ready and then came the time when you had to make some changes or things didn't seem to go the way you wanted or expected; maybe you found yourself wishing someone else would come along and do this faith journey for you).

I knew the thought of someone coming along to paint for me, wasn't an option, so I began to paint the ceiling. At first it wasn't bad. As I got to the half way point I noticed my neck and shoulders were starting to ache. I was also feeling frustrated as I wasn't seeing the results fast enough .(Have you ever felt frustrated that your prayers aren't getting answered fast enough or maybe you wonder if God is even hearing your prayers).

The ceiling paint I used, painted on as pink but dried as white. It became very clear whenever I crossed the line. (Do you find yourself more aware of when you are spiritually or morally crossing the line?) As I continued to paint the ceiling I began to get more frustrated, as I saw more and more the mistakes I kept making. The reality was I was trying to paint too fast and I was not able to perfect the technique needed to keep the ceiling and the wall paint separated. (Have you ever been frustrated when you are trying to do all the right things but it's still not working the way you expect, and if you are honest, you know you have been taking short cuts and and trying to rush the process).

After I finished painting the ceiling I called it a night and decided I would start the walls in the morning. The next morning a friend stopped by to check on my progress (who is in my opinion, a master wall painter and has the ability to paint a room in a blink of an eye (well, almost) and it will be perfect when she is done). I was expecting her to critique all of my mistakes and quite honestly, I was hoping she would say, "oh, what a mess you have made, I will finish this for you." She did not critique nor did she offer to paint in place of me. Instead she was encouraging and offered advice. She motivated me to finish the job and finish it well. (How often do you allow yourself to see only your mistakes and not your progress. Do you ever find yourself wishing someone else better-more equipped would simply come along and do the hard work for you).

After my friend left, I was encouraged and inspired to finish the project and I was determined to finish it well. I began to roll the paint on the wall. With each roll I was encouraged. I was seeing results. As I painted the wall I left the very top and bottom alone, so that I could carefully paint the "crease" between the ceiling and the wall, because truth be told, whenever I paint a room, I paint the ceiling the same color as the wall. The only reason I have done this is because I am intimidated by the possibility of messing up. I am not a crafty artsy kind of girl, and sometimes I have trouble cutting a straight line. Just thinking of trying to paint evenly and between two colors stresses me. (Do you ever allow yourself to be intimidated or stressed by things that you feel unequipped to do. How many opportunities or blessing have you missed out on because of this?).

I was determined not to give the paint "the power" and I was intentional about my pace, recalling the wisdom and advice my friend gave me on holding the brush, the amount of paint to put on the brush, and the technique she showed me. As I applied what I had learned and took my time, before I knew it, I had painted almost perfectly. The few lines that were still obvious, would be easy to touch up. (We must remember if we keep our armor on, become intentional about our faith, and are willing to surrender to Christ, we will see results and we must remember its about a personal relationship-you and Jesus).

I finished the last touch up and was thrilled with the results of all my hard work and effort. I waited until the next day to put the furniture back in the room and once I had everything in place I was more than happy with the outcome and proud of myself for sticking it out and following through. I was also proud that I had accomplished something I didn't think I could do. (Never give up...one day at a time, one moment at a time, there is always hope!)

Happily Ever After?

2011-03-28T14:07:00.001-05:00

How realistic is it that we would purposely pursue a relationship, feeling so strongly that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and actually do it; in sickness and health, in bad times and good times, in sad times and happy times?

As a woman who has walked through divorce and is now living "happily ever after", I am not approaching this subject lightly nor am I am coming at it with a judgmental finger pointing either. I recognize not everyone who is divorced, necessarily wanted a divorce, but their spouse did and thus the door was opened. There are also those who were not born again believers when they married, and they married for all the wrong reasons, and those reasons ended up being the end of their marriage.

Today as christians (two believers who profess their faith in Jesus Christ and make a vow/promise to one another in marriage) we have allowed ourselves to become like the rest of the world. Sadly, many Christians have allowed what is felt as irreconcilable difference to dictate what the flesh wants. Believing the lie that the grass is greener on the other side. No longer taking responsibility for choices and behaviors, refusing to seek proper help to overcome addictions or issues that have put a wedge between the one-ness that God created marriage for. Things or habits that were once tolerable are no longer tolerated. It has become easier to not communicate needs or desires on the level required for true deep intimacy with your spouse. Some are so unhappy with themselves that they blame their spouse, when in fact its not about the spouse at all. Somewhere along the line your marriage became a one sided relationship. You have allowed the past to dictate your future. Differences that once were areas where communication could create compromise, has now become solid walls. The heart felt desire to love, serve, and please your spouse is no longer a desire in your heart and mind. That part of the wedding vow no longer seems to apply, even though you meant it with all your heart at the time you said, "I do".

Once you open the door to separation or divorce you begin to start all over again. Why? Because that is how you were created. God created us for relationships. We crave the intimacy that marriage was created for. You will only find yourself in a similar pattern. The newness wears off and the same routines will begin to appear. It wont happen overnight, but it will happen. With this in mind, wouldn't it be easier to face the problems in your marriage and open your heart to repairing the brokenness that is between you. Reaching down to pull the root of an issue out is hard work and it can be intimidating, but the end result is wholeness and healing. Not just for your marriage but for yourself, as well. Getting to the root issue with your spouse in any area that has become a stumbling block towards intimacy between you, is going to take time, effort, and trust. You both must be on the same page, at the same time, with the same heart motive, to pull the root completely out and repair the damage done by it. Marriage is a relationship where two become one, but it's still a two sided relationship.

Marriage takes heart work from both spouses. You have to both be willing to be in it to win it. Anyone who has been married longer than one year can tell you all of the things I said above, at some time or another, will begin to apply to your marriage, and my friends, this is where you need to begin to work hard. This is the time when you need to keep your armor on. Fight for your marriage. Seek solid biblical counsel if you are struggling in an area within your marriage or individually. Be willing to take your vows as seriously and as honestly as you did when you first said them out loud.

As believers, marriage shouldn't be the goal...staying married should be.

Treasure In Treasure Out

2011-03-15T13:10:00.001-05:00

Lately my mind has been on the scripture in Ephesians 6:10-18 where it talks about the importance of putting on your FULL armor of God, so that we can be ready to battle against the darkness and spiritual forces of wickedness. Then I turn over to Philippians 4:8 where it says to let our minds dwell on these things: whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, filled with excellence and worthy of praise. We can not keep our armor on if our minds, hearts, and bodies are drifting into all of the opposites of the above mentioned qualities.

We need others to help us keep accountable with these scriptures. God did not create us to be a "lone wolf" we need others in our daily life. We need to surround ourselves with those who can encourage and motivate us towards focusing on the things in life that are true, honorable, right, and pure (i.e. keeping our armor on). Especially when we are weak, we need those who are stronger to help hold us up (and accountable).

Part of putting (and keeping) our armor on and staying focused is the need to stop settling for sin and shame...stop accepting the negative thoughts and feelings. The mind is a powerful thing. If we constantly think we are a "loser" we will be a loser. If we think we are unworthy, we will be unworthy. If we think we will fail, we will fail. If we think we have crossed the line one to many times, we begin to believe that lie. Every time we focus on a lie or negativity it hinders our relationship with God. It stops our spiritual growth.

Another part of putting on the full armor of God is taking those lies and negativity captive and replacing them, slowly but steadily with the truth. Something you can choose to do to combat those lies (it’s a daily choice and a daily battle for every Christian) is to put specific scriptures or quotes on index cards and post them all over: on mirrors, in closets, in your car, inside your wallet, in drawers, wherever you will see them. That old saying “garbage in-garbage out" the same goes for the opposite. What is the opposite of garbage? TREASURE, so "treasure in –treasure out". Ask yourself, who am I choosing to surround myself with? What am I listening to on the radio or CD’s? What am I watching on TV? What magazines or books am I reading?

Ask yourself, is this pure? Is this lovely? Is this of good repute? In all honesty, I may ask myself those questions after the fact but, then it moves me towards confession and repentance. We can not be afraid of a healthy balance of guilt. We have to look at it as the Holy Spirit in us, moving us towards confession and repentance. Putting that “check” so to speak, in our hearts. We are always going to struggle because this is not Heaven (but remember even in our struggles we do have a choice). God also knows we are never going to be 100% perfect. He knows our flaws and weakness, what He wants is for us to come to Him with them.

For any relationship to be meaningful you must spend time together. You get to know each other, your likes, dislikes, your habits, your passions, etc. That is also true with our relationship with God (part of the armor and focus). God is not interested in a one sided relationship. Obviously we will never be equal with God, as He IS God and we are not but, He still wants a relationship with us. This is will keep your armor securely on.

This week challenge yourself to stop allowing "garbage" in and remember...treasure in treasure out!

Israel

2011-03-14T14:40:00.001-05:00

Have you ever enjoyed looking at your friends photos from a trip and while you can appreciate the photos and what they represent, you don't quite have a desire to go to that particular place? That is how I felt about Israel. I have always enjoyed hearing the stories and seeing the photos from friends who have gone, but I never had the desire to go myself. That is until the fall of 2010. At that time I was looking through photos from friends who had been on a study program for two weeks in Israel. Something happened inside of me while I was looking at the photos. Suddenly the words, Lazarus Tomb, Sea of Galilee, The Garden of Gethsemane, Wilderness of Judah where Jesus was tempted by Satan, Jacobs Well (where Jesus met the woman at the well), View of Valley of Elah, where David slew Goliath, from Socoh Hill. Israelite hill can be seen off in the distance...these words seemed to capture my heart. I had such a strong feeling that I knew I needed to go. It was an excitement I had never felt before.

As much as I felt the desire to go, it didn't seem like something that would "fit into" my life at the time but maybe in three-five years. I told even my husband, "I know I am going to go to Israel at some point in my life". I kept it in the back of my mind but I certainly wasn't pursuing any information at this point.

Fast forward months later and I was meeting with my Women's Ministry Director, talking about my ministry with the book and speaking opportunities when at the end of our conversation she said, "you should prayerfully consider joining the Israel 2011 Study Program. It's an extensive in depth study program that goes from Old Testament, to the Inter Testmental period, to the New Testament. The study program culminates with two weeks of Biblical study in Israel". As she was talking to me, my heart began to race with excitement, this was the same trip that I originally saw the photos from. We continued to talk about the program and I left our meeting feeling strongly in my heart I was going to participate and accept the invitation. My mind raced with questions and thoughts as I drove the short distance home to ask my husband to pray with me.

After several days of prayer, my husband and I had a peace and excitement for me to join the program. We still have a few details to work out and of course there is money to raise, but we both know that God will provide everything I need and work out all of the details. The trip is September 24-October 7, 2011

If you are interested in hearing more details or supporting me in prayer or through a financial donation please email me Sheryl@SherylGriffin.com.

I look forward to sharing more with you as the study program begins and I will post blogs and photos as well.

If you have been to Israel, I would to hear your story!

I am Pro Life But....

2011-02-10T15:06:00.002-06:00

....I have had an abortion, and I have had more than one.

I opened up with the above statement for a purpose...so that anyone who may be reading this, knows upfront, I am not finger pointing nor is my heart to judge. I am here to share and encourage, and I hope that I can give you some of the hope and healing I have found. My deepest heart's desire is to share my story and change someones heart that may be considering abortion. If that never happens, that's ok, because I will also be here to walk through the journey of healing and hope for those who need it.

I wont go into all of the details, because if you have read my book, you already know. What I will tell you is that having the abortion(s) added to the weight of my scarlet cord. I felt tremendous guilt and shame. I also carried unforgiveness in my heart. Whenever the subject of abortion or Pro Life came up, I found myself always nervous and I tried to walk away from conversations or excuse myself in someway.

I was at a women's event nine years ago. During the intermission, my friend and I, walked around the tables that were displaying books and such for sale. I noticed we were getting closer to where Pro Life information was prominent on a table. There was a woman at the table. She tried to make eye contact and conversation. I was trying to pass by as quickly as possible without making eye contact, but it was as if a magnet was pulling me towards that table, and before I knew it, I was talking to the woman and the next thing I remember was her offering to pray with me in a private room and I said, "yes". The moment that I said, "yes", it felt like a huge weight came off of my shoulders. I really don’t recall all of her prayer or all that she said, (nor even her name), but I remember crying and sobbing like never before. I released every emotion I kept hidden under my rug for many years. As she hugged me, she stroked my hair, and kept praying over me. When I left the room to return to the event, I felt like a new woman. It was the first time I had felt like my scarlet cord of guilt, shame, and fear, was actually turning into a scarlet cord of HOPE! I had been carrying the guilt and shame for over twenty years!

That was the beginning of healing for me in this area and the beginning of learning how to accept Gods forgiveness, forgive others, and forgive myself. It was not something that happened overnight. It's been a process. One day at a time, one moment at a time.

I shared a personal story with you, so that you could see, that the moment you become pregnant, while you have a choice, the choice stays with you, whether you choose abortion, adoption, or to keep the baby. Abortion may stop the heart beat and life, but it doesn't erase the situation, the emotions, or the memory. I know there are many women (and men) who are living in the bondage of guilt and shame for their choice in abortion. Not to excuse or justify my abortion(s) but abortion was not my choice, I allowed others to make that choice for me. The state of TN has recently passed a law stating it is now illegal to force or coerce a woman or girl into abortion. While some women or girls may go along with the idea out of fear, guilt, or the over whelming feeling that there is no other option, I can tell you there is. There is help and there is hope.

If you are in a situation where you are pregnant and need a friend to talk things through or if you chose abortion (whether for yourself or encouraged someone else) and need a friend to walk towards that journey of forgiveness, hope, and healing, please email me Sheryl@SherylGriffin.com and I will pray for you, encourage you, and connect you with those who can truly help you walk in HOPE.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit Romans 15:13

My Faith Is Bigger Than My Fears

2011-01-22T14:57:00.000-06:00

My faith is bigger than my fears seems to be my mantra lately. I found myself saying this out loud when I faced one of my fears...getting lost on the freeway (aka highway or interstate). I brought the GPS and had printed directions from Mapquest. For some unknown reason, my GPS was not getting any signal what so ever, that day, so it was no help at all. I was on my way to a very important event.

I ended up getting confused and missed my exit. I panicked at first, but then with the help of my husband, over the phone, I was able to get back on track and even got to the event on time!. Before I got back on track though, I will confess I was scared. As I was trying to figure out where I was, I had pulled off the freeway and some how entered into a neighborhood where each home was surrounded by a chain link fence and almost every home, had a large ferocious looking dog in the yard. It was not a friendly looking neighborhood. My son was with me and I knew I needed to stay in control, so I had to talk myself out of my fear...I started saying, "MY FAITH IS BIGGER THAN MY FEAR", over and over. Eventually, as I mentioned, we found our way to the event and even managed to get there a few minutes before the event took place.

I am finding myself saying my new phrase a lot lately; My faith is bigger than my fears.....A few weeks ago a friend's (adult) daughter was held up at gun point and robbed. In the day time. In a public place. Surrounded by lots of other people. They were in a restaurant and two armed men entered and one put a shot gun in my friends daughters back, and the other man put a gun to her friends head and said, "give me your purse and your wallet". I do not know all of the details, but I do know they both gave them what they wanted. They are both ok and were not physically harmed.

Another recent story happened just the other day. A friend of mine was leaving a public place, in the day light, and other people were around, when a man quickly approached her, knocked her down, punched her repeatedly in the face, and then took her phone. Her phone was in her hand. She also had her purse and laptop (in a case) in her other hand. It almost seemed as if his whole intent was to cause her physical harm and then grabbed her phone as a "trophy". She is recovering now with bruises and a fracture on her face. Prayerfully the fracture will heal properly, so she wont have to have surgery to repair it.

MY FAITH IS BIGGER THAN MY FEARS

My mind and body can go into instant fear mode when I hear these stories, especially when its with someone I know. I had to find something "positive". I realized the story with my friends daughter, they reacted the way you should, if you are ever held at gun point; give them what they want. Supposedly, once they have what they want, they flee quickly. The only time you are supposed to resist is if the person tries to take you some where. That is when you fight, yell, scream, do whatever you have do, to call attention to the situation. The sad reality is if they take you away, you have a greater chance of not returning. The other "positive lesson" is to make sure I know exactly what is in my wallet. Have a copy of every card in your wallet (front and back). In the other story the "positive lesson" I can take away is to always be alert when I am coming and going. It's trying to find the balance of not giving into being paranoid and suspicious of every stranger, but being alert, making eye contact, don't be distracted, and if you are caught in that situation where someone is physically harming you, fight back as hard as you can and yell as loud as you can.

MY FAITH IS BIGGER THAN MY FEARS

Just thinking about these story raises my anxiety level. As someone who has ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) and panic/anxiety it is like hearing the story a little bit louder than it was told, and then replaying it several times in my head, verses a person without ptsd and panic/anxiety, they hear it at normal level and only one time. They have the choice to move on. I don't. At least, not right away. After I hear the story I tend to think about my loved ones or myself in that same scenario. How would I react. I have to catch myself as I can have the entire "script" written out before I realize what I am doing. Its an old pattern of "comfort" to me. As someone who has alcoholic parents and has also been in an abusive marriage, part of my coping mechanism was to try to stay one step ahead....plan out how any given scenario may go, so that I can be prepared for any outcome, especially one in which I must protect myself or someone I love. Always on guard. Always trying to think ahead. Preparing for the worst (in my head). I must tell you that by God's grace, the scripts I play out in my head, they usually never happen. I honestly wasn't even aware I did this until after my diagnosis. Now I am aware and can catch myself, but sometimes I find myself easing into old patterns and that is when I must say out loud....MY FAITH IS BIGGER THAN MY FEARS.

I work hard at finding a balance of living in this fallen sinful world. There will always be crime. There will always be someone who is waiting to steal, kill, or destroy (1Peter 5:8), but the balance is not giving "them" the power or control. Being wise and alert but not giving in to the fear.

I encourage you if you find yourself in a situation where your fear is controlling you, repeat out loud..........

MY FAITH IS BIGGER THAN MY FEARS

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me? Psalm 56:3-4

Ted Williams and More...

2011-01-06T13:54:00.177-06:00

Ted Williams is a name that started floating around facebook and Youtube, and within hours he has gone from being a homeless man who begged for handouts on street corners, to instant fame and job offers pouring in. He has been thrust into a media flurry. He was on the Today Show, as well as other TV and media outlets. It seems as if the whole world is suddenly cheering for him. Ted is a man who had a love and passion for radio and voice work. God has gifted him with an amazing voice. He had a successful career and family life. Somewhere along his path though, drugs and alcohol took over. He lost everything he had, his career, his family, his possessions, and his dignity. He has been living on the streets begging, stealing, and doing things most if us would never dream of doing. Two years ago he knew he needed to make some desperate changes and he entered a recovery program. After one year of sobriety he felt he was still missing something...he knew he needed to fill the hole he felt inside. He began acknowledging and thanking God for all he has, all he had, and for his life. That was two years ago.

I am one of those who is cheering for him. I am also burdened for him. I know that those who face addictions in their life, face the temptation day by day, and sometimes, minute by minute. I know how easy it seems for an alcoholic or a drug addict to think they have it under control, if they are choosing to continue in their addiction. The reality is, if they are continuing to drink or use drugs, they don't have anything under control, and it is apparent to everyone around them except them. Unfortunately though, this can easily become an issue that no one else wants to face either. It's easier sometimes to live the lie with them. It also becomes convenient to believe the "wolf in sheep's clothing" (see my blog titled Wolves in Sheep Clothing for more on this topic).

If you or someone you know struggles with alcohol or drugs please know there is hope and help. The key is that the person struggling has to be willing to admit it and seek help. You can not want it more than they do. It wont work. I know this very well.

I recently posted a status on facebook that said, "It's OK not to be OK"...the response via comments and emails showed me more than ever, we all struggle with putting on the "happy face" to those around us, but inside we are not OK, and its OK to say we are not OK,. But, then we also must be willing to face it and do something about it. Ted Williams was at the bottom of the pit for ten years before he was willing to seek help and find hope.

Remember to hold onto to this thought if you are praying for a loved one who has an addiction..."As long as there is breathe there is hope".

O God, You know my foolishness; And my sins are not hidden from You

Psalm 69:5

now here is the HOPE...

Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away, behold new things have come 2 Corinthians 5:17

*please visit my web site www.SherylGriffin.com for information on possible resources for help

Second Hand....

2010-12-06T10:24:00.000-06:00

Last week I heard an interesting interview on Midday Connections. The women were talking about the kind of legacy we leave for our children and they challenged listeners to consider, as we all know, second hand smoke does affect those around us, but what about our second hand; attitudes, behaviors, habits, motives, interactions, and fears, etc.

While this can be very convicting on many levels as you consider this, I encourage you to let this move you towards a place of healing and wholeness....a place of change. It can be a call to get rid of some "stuff" so that our children don't have to carry the same second hand "issues" into their homes (and so on and so on).

This is a reflective opportunity for us to recognize all of our attitudes, behaviors, habits, motives, interactions, and fears, do matter and our children are watching and learning from us. Knowledge is power and we have the opportunity to reflect right now and allow ourselves to be honest (even if the honesty hurts). The key then, is to be willing to change. All changes start first with an acknowledgment.

Let's truly consider our legacy and all of the second hand "issues" we are leaving unchanged for future generations. What strong holds are we passing down? Again I encourage you do not allow this to be a time of "beating yourself up" but rather an opportunity to become aware and pro active. Be willing to do the "heart work" to set the stage for generations of HOPE!

One day at a time, one moment at a time...there is always HOPE

There is (still) Hope in Boundaries

2010-12-02T12:04:00.001-06:00

Why is it hard to enforce boundaries when you know in your heart it's the right thing to do, not only for you, but for your family? For me, I believe it's because I lived so long without them. I lived an unbalanced life (in regards to healthy appropriate boundaries) that at times when I am balanced, it feels unbalanced. The reality is being balanced is good, but making the choice to stay balanced is hard.

An area where I find myself constantly questioning a boundary that I know in my head is necessary and important, but still causes me sadness in my heart, is with my mother. If you have read my book or followed my blog you know the boundary that I have put up with her. She knows about my writing. I sent her a copy of my book at her request, with a letter on January 14, 2010. I have not heard directly from her since. I have continued to acknowledge holidays and birthdays with boundaries and respect in place, towards her. It's hard though. I recognize that she is respecting the boundaries I stated, but at the same time, this also tells me she isn't ready to move in a forward direction (at least with me). My heart still aches for a relationship with her, but it's for the relationship that we never had.

I find myself looking at old photographs and recalling "simpler" times. Times when I knew something wasn't right but I didn't understand and I was willing to ignore facts and keep pushing them under the rug. I was so desperate for her love and acceptance that I was willing to over look the reality. And quite honestly, there was just enough "good" times that it made it easier to push the other times further under the rug.

Confrontation and boundaries are never easy. They change relationships, but isn't that the point?. I ask myself what would it be like if I never confronted my issues, not just with my mother, but with all the issues/people/choices in my life that contributed to my ptsd and panic/anxiety. The reality is it still wouldn't have stayed "the same". The people, the choices, the events in my life, would have continued a spiral downwards. The relationship with my mother began to unravel way before my journey towards hope and healing began. You see part of my struggle in the feeling of "unbalance" is to take responsibility for other peoples choices and behaviors, to try to make it feel balanced. That is not true balance.

As I am balanced now, it still feels unbalanced (unnatural) to me. I recognize this is part of my healing and that I need to acknowledge this. I also realize the reality when you are willing to honestly open your eyes and heart to truth, you may lose relationships. But then I say, was it really a relationship in the first place? Was it ever balanced? Was it healthy?

I am still dealing with grief in regards to my relationship with my mother. I love her and care deeply about her well being, but I can not compete with alcoholism, her past, her present, or her brokenness. So, the boundaries are still in place even through the sadness and tears. I continue to pray and hope that there might someday be reconciliation and healing in my mom's mind, body, and soul.

I hope my openness can encourage you in boundaries that you may be struggling with. We are not alone! and there is ALWAYS hope!

Do not fear, for I am with you: Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Looking For More Time in Your Week?

2010-11-05T17:09:00.001-05:00

(*this blog subject is different from the rest of my blogs.... this has been something on my mind to share for a while. I am sure you have tips as well and I would love for you to share)

Organizing time seems to be a stumbling block for many people. One area that has a tendency to take to much time during the week is grocery shopping and cooking meals. For years now, I have organized and planned my grocery shopping and menu for the week. Whenever I mention this, most say they would like to do this, but they don’t know how to start, or they lack the motivation needed. I hope that I will encourage you today.

Here are some tips that can lead you towards a more organized week in regards to weekly grocery shopping and menu planning:

Pick a day and time frame during the week that you can consistently sit down for fifteen minutes to prepare for your week.

To begin, you will need recipes, a magnetic pad or paper, a grocery list, a pen, and any coupons you have, Take a glance at your calendar to make sure you know the days you need to start dinner earlier, use your crock pot, or plan for take out.

Next, take several of your favorite cook books and begin browsing through your options. If you have recipes that you have printed out or cut from magazines, you can place them in a folder or binder so you have access to them as well.

After you have settled in with your recipes, get your grocery list. Many word document programs have a grocery list included in their files that you can print out and usually customize to your preferences. Most grocery stores have grocery lists available, customized to their specific store lay out on their web site. If you are unable to locate one of these, then use a blank piece of paper and create your own.

Next, write the days of the week on the magnetic note pad. You can place this on your refrigerator so that you and everyone else in the home know “what’s for dinner tonight.”

When I find a recipe, I want to make; I write the recipe name, note which book it came from, as well as the page number I.e. Monday: White Chili (Cooking with Smitty’s Mom, pg 149) and salad.

Next, scan the cupboards, refrigerator, and freezer to see if you already have certain items on hand and then check off (or write) on the grocery list what is needed for that recipe.

You can be flexible on your days and choices….if it’s Tuesday and you planned for Salmon but want to make spaghetti that you planned for Thursday, simply swap them out. The main point is to make sure you have all of the necessary ingredients for each meal so you are not going to the grocery store several times in your week.

Once the menu is planned look over the grocery list and get your coupons. Place the ones you can use in an envelope. Then add a check mark next to the item on the list so you can remember to look for the specific brand or amount to purchase in order to redeem the coupon.

While it may take time to get organized, you will be using your time, finances, and energy much more efficiently when you chose to become organized in your time management.. An additional benefit to being more organized with weekly planning and grocery shopping is that your family will be able to sit around the table and eat together more often. And you will have the added bonus of not being stressed and tired.

Proverbs 31:27 She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness

Wolves in Sheep Clothes

2010-10-15T18:05:00.000-05:00

I am working on a new speaking topic titled Queen For More Than a Day...Respect, Dignity, and Confidence, Things I Wish I Knew Then, That I Know Now. I realize it's a mouthful for a title, but I felt each part was important and conveys what the topic is really about.

Part of the topic delves into the concept that we all tend to be affected by, at some point in our life, the concept that we are lulled in by wolves in sheep clothing. We choose to ignore red flags. Especially when it involves something that gives us pleasure or gives us a (false) sense everything is "OK", even if only for a moment.

Wolves can come in the form of people. As abusers or manipulators, these wolves are very good at keeping the sheep costume on, just long enough, until they have you where they want you. Wolves can also come in the form of alcohol or drugs. I need a drink. Just one drink, then it turns into two or three. Then it becomes daily. With drugs it can be the thought that you can stop whenever you want to (your wolf keeps telling you, you really don't want to though).

Wolves can come in the form of pornography. If you are doing anything in secret, you can usually bet it is a sin issue. Men as well as women deal with this. I think more so today than ever before, because we have become so desensitized to everything through television, music, magazines, and even billboards. Sometimes all it takes is one look. One stroke of the key on your computer and you have entered into a wolves den.

Wolves can also come in the form of promiscuity. I once heard Liz Curtis Higgs call this....fornicating. Which means sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons. Plain and simple. I am certainly not casting any stones on this wolf, because if you've read my book, you know I am a redeemed fornicator. But, while I am not casting stones, I am going to boldly say, if you are having sex outside of the confines of marriage, you are a fornicator and God can not bless a relationship that is based on your needs and wants, more than putting Him first.

There is also a wolf that is full of busyness...I will spend quality time with my spouse or child later, I have a lot to do right now. I will pray later. My schedule is so full right now, I can't possibly fit in time to read my Bible. I am so busy, I don't have time to exercise or eat right.

Have you ever been visited by the wolf in sheep's clothing that represents the "white" lie? I couldn't possibly tell the whole truth because if I did..... Or what about the wolf of gossip. Did you hear about so and so, well you didn't hear this from me, but.

What about about the wolf of "take no responsibility". I only did what I did because you did what you did. I am sorry, BUT. I am justified in my (sin) issue and its none of your business.

There are more wolves walking around in sheep's clothing than I can write about.

Something to remember about wolves is they are carnivores and they usually travel in packs. If you get a visit from one wolf you can be sure that another one is just around the corner waiting to trick you, waiting to tempt you, waiting to devour you.

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life and might have it abundantly.

If I have touched a nerve, have no worries because you are not alone. I am also feeling conviction in certain areas.

I am grateful we are not expected to be perfect and that God allows us grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Even when we willingly choose a wolf in sheep's clothing. The point is to see it, acknowledge it, and repent. Sometimes we need accountability, so reach out and ask for it. You can not go back and undo the damage a wolf has done, but you can move forward and away from them. Its your choice.

Confrontation

2010-09-10T13:15:00.001-05:00

Confrontation is never easy. Confrontation is not something most people like to do. Confrontation is uncomfortable.

While all of the above is true, confrontation is sometimes necessary. My son and I had to face this subject recently. As a mother, it is hard to sit back and give advice to your child when you really want to jump in and handle it yourself, and put the other child "in his place". That would not be productive (at least not at this point, but there may be times when parental intervention is neccessary).

Both of our confrontations had to do with confronting a person about lies. Lies are a difficult issue to confront because, unless the person is willing to admit the truth there is no way to reconcile or move forward in a positive way. I am not talking about things you suspect as lies, I am talking about things you know for a fact are lies.

In my past I never confronted anyone on anything. I am in a season of life right now where I feel very strongly, I will not put things under the rug just to make someone feel "comfortable" in their lies, their motives, or their behaviors.

It is important to me to raise my children with the understanding that confronting someone is not a bad thing. It may be uncomfortable and it has the potential to change the relationship, but it is not "bad'. It is also important to learn to take confrontation when it is coming towards you. If you are being confronted with something that you did or said then take responsibility for it. Do not justify it by what others have said or done. You are responsible for you.

Here are somethings I shared with my son when we talked about the situation he was in:

1. Confronting someone is never easy but, in order to move forward (with or without the person) you need to do it.

2. Do not take responsibility for the other persons choice/behavior

3. If you choose not to confront the person that doe not mean the problem goes away

4. It is not your responsibility to change the person

5. It is not your responsibility to make them see the error of their way

6. State the facts not the emotions

7. If they choose not to acknowledge or take responsibility then you have a choice to make; do you want to continue this friendship or do boundaries need to go up

8. Confronting someone with their behavior or choices does not guarantee "the light will turn on" and they will suddenly change or apologize

9. As I say in my book....red flags usually don't change color...don't ignore them

10. Take responsibility for your words and actions

The challenge from this is to remember that Jesus in all of his mercy, grace, and kindness, did not allow situations/people/issues to go on as if it was not happening. He confronted in truth. He confronted at times with passion and other times with a sense of peace, but the bottom line is- He called it like it was and he moved forward. So, next time you are faced with a confrontation (whether it is big or small) remember it's ok to speak the truth (in love) and be prepared for #1-10